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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner told friends that she has had 110 partners last night

526 replies

Plutorover · 02/03/2014 09:47

My partner of 7 years who is 40 told some friends that she had slept with approximately 110 men in the past. I did know this, but feel angry that she decided to tell others. It was at a school reunion do that I was not at. The question was specifically asked in a finding out game. I don't understand why she didn't tell them to mind their own business or lie.

She has hinted at it before to my brother too. May have actually told him but I'm unsure.

Why would she do this? Am I wrong to feel aggrieved about this?
Thanks
Confused and angry bloke

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 02/03/2014 11:37

Katie....
Thanks ill re read the Op

hickorychicken · 02/03/2014 11:37

Why is she talking to your brother about her sexual history?!

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 11:38

Just because you think such info is pearl clutching shocking, does not mean others should lie to accommodate your prejudice.

Original poster
Plutorover · 02/03/2014 11:39

Callindanna I love her and have kids with her and am not going to fuck it all up .... That number is very high. And very unusual even in 2014. I have always known about it and it does not honestly bother me other than a little jealousy! Thanks for your intelligent and thoughtful posts. I do need to think about my action and feeling more.

OP posts:
BIWI · 02/03/2014 11:39

Did you think that, because we're women, we would be shocked? Because women aren't supposed to sleep around?

This is the 21st century. Women are free to do with their bodies what they want. And if they want to have sex with men (or women, or both Grin), then guess what? They can.

And if they want to talk about what they have done, they can do.

Can you address why you feel so ashamed about this?

AgaPanthers · 02/03/2014 11:39

OP I think you are wasting your time here. At least if you are going to start such threads reverse the genders and see how it goes. Too late for that now though.

usuallyright · 02/03/2014 11:42

absolutely spot on Aga! If this was a woman angry and hurt because her partner had told people at a school reunion that he'd had 110 partners, mumsnetters would be up in arms at what a crass, undignified, cruel thing he did and that she should probably ltb.

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 11:42

Ah, it's jealousy.
Let it go, you're obviously doing something right Wink

VivianStanshall · 02/03/2014 11:46

KatieScarlett there is nothing wrong with having a high number of partners. However some people do not wish to be in a relationship with somebody who has because they are a different type of person to them.

The problem has arisen because the OP has accepted / said he's fine with it but clearly isn't 100% fine with it as he doesn't want other people to know.

VeggySausage · 02/03/2014 11:47

Hmmm weird you felt the need to come to mumsnet to discuss it.

CailinDana · 02/03/2014 11:47

It is high and it is unusual but it's not shameful. And if you give the impression she should feel ashamed tand keep it a secret that's pretty nasty really. And for what? So the villagers aren't shocked? Do you love the villagers that much that you're willing to hurt your lovely partner for them? Because I doubt they care that much about you tbh.

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 11:47

I got that, thanks.

VivianStanshall · 02/03/2014 11:49

Oh Blush was I guilty of manxplaining?

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 11:49

A bit, but no harm Grin

gamerchick · 02/03/2014 11:50

You do need to let it go... tbh it's nothing to be ashamed of and she didn't do anything wrong aside from being a bit tactless to your feelings a tad.

Some men have issues with numbers.. my husband described it as jealousy.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 02/03/2014 11:51

Its none of your business OP. who she slept with before you is her business to tell who she likes. You dont own that information.

CailinDana · 02/03/2014 11:52

It's ok to be jealous. But you have to realise that's your issue. She can't change the past and there's no reason for her to hide it.

Now if she were shouting it round tesco that'd be another matter...!

Original poster
Plutorover · 02/03/2014 11:54

I never said she should feel ashamed. Just keep it secret cause it's no ones business and yes it would alter people's perspective -wrongly of course but nevertheless...

OP posts:
shakethetree · 02/03/2014 11:54

Personally, I wouldn't have entered into a long term relationship with a man who'd had 110 sexual partners ( or even half that ) simply because I'd know we were completely different people. & having a normal/ healthy sexual appetite has nothing to do with it - you can have plenty of sex with one person.

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 11:57

Completely different people?
Why does your number define you as a person, I really don't understand. Confused

Birdsgottafly · 02/03/2014 11:57

"you can have plenty of sex with one person."

If you find one person that you want a ongoing sexual arrangement with and that wants the same.

BIWI · 02/03/2014 11:59

"it was something private and somewhat embarrassing for me"

But why is it embarrassing for you? What has it got to do with you or, what do you think it says about you?

These are genuine questions, btw. You knew about her history, it wasn't something she has hidden from you. So why is it embarrassing for you?

Bluebees · 02/03/2014 11:59

OP.....You've acknowledged how you feel and that's something you don't have a lot of control over, some posters have given you a hard time for that I think. However, you can control how you process, understand and respond to those feelings and you've had some good advice about that. Why not give your partner a hug, thank your lucky stars you're with such a lovely woman and move forward with a smile on your face. No need for any jealousy - she's chosen to be with you :)

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 11:59

That's what happened to me Birds, found him young Smile
However, I don't know what my number would have been if I'd had to wait 30 years to find him Wink

Birdsgottafly · 02/03/2014 12:00

You are not "a different type of person" to someone who has sex with more people than you have, you either behave differently sexually, or have been more fortunate.