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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner told friends that she has had 110 partners last night

526 replies

Plutorover · 02/03/2014 09:47

My partner of 7 years who is 40 told some friends that she had slept with approximately 110 men in the past. I did know this, but feel angry that she decided to tell others. It was at a school reunion do that I was not at. The question was specifically asked in a finding out game. I don't understand why she didn't tell them to mind their own business or lie.

She has hinted at it before to my brother too. May have actually told him but I'm unsure.

Why would she do this? Am I wrong to feel aggrieved about this?
Thanks
Confused and angry bloke

OP posts:
meditrina · 02/03/2014 10:43

"I'm another one who thinks that the 110 is a bit odd- surely if you were going to say it would be about 100."

Or it's made up

meditrina · 02/03/2014 10:44

Bearbehind -no, not just you! But I restrained my inner pedant (this time)

Pudtat · 02/03/2014 10:45

Intrigued at how many people think it's odd to know exactly and somehow weirder than 'losing count'. That just shows that she made a choice each time to me, which is fine. And let's face it, remembering isn't hard - usually you only have to add 1 each time Wink.

I find the op sad though. For all he knew he obviously isn't comfortable with it and judges his partner for her past. She is the sum of her past experiences, good and bad, sexual and non sexual. Why should she be ashamed of it?

BillyBanter · 02/03/2014 10:50

It's one of those things like how much you earn, or politics, or religion that really is a public taboo to talk about.

It shouldn't be taboo. Keeping things taboo is not a good thing to be encouraged.

Casmama · 02/03/2014 10:50

Pudtat I just think surely there would be a time where you would think 78, oh no hang on is that 76" I can only imagine keeping an exact tally if you had a little book or something to record it in- perhaps with scores or rankings or something Wink

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 10:54

Maybe she keeps a diary.
I wish I had Grin

PavlovtheCat · 02/03/2014 10:59

Her eagerness to tell people makes me think she probably does have self esteem issues. And like Wuxiapian says is an attention seeker well, yes, if she were like 'hi, my name is xxx and I have slept with 110 people' but it was a game and she was asked a question where she had the option to a) refuse to say b) lie c) tell the truth. I don't see what is attention seeking about answering a question with the truth.

OP yabu. She has nothing to be ashamed of, and should not lie because you have issues with the number of people she has slept with, because you are ashamed/embarrassed by that. Get over it. or else she is not the right person for you (or possibly, you are not the right person for her).

Original poster
Plutorover · 02/03/2014 11:09

As I said I new early on the number and am still with her 7 years later. A lot of the replies seem to be telling me to get over myself! Well as now half of our little town will know this history and it was something private and somewhat embarrassing for me (accept that many right minded people would not have an issue but many would) so that is how I feel.

Am I now to just accept this and forget it is that what you are all saying?

We no longer live in the anonymous city of London but in a small place.
I feel angry and ashamed yes and regardless of lying to friends issue she has not seen these people for years they are not her friends but old school mates most not seen for decades.

I'm on this site, the first time ever because I want to be reasonable and crowd opinion may help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Plutorover · 02/03/2014 11:10

She may have said about 110

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 11:11

It. Is. Your. Problem.
The village does not give a shit.

babyheaves · 02/03/2014 11:13

Oh for goodness sake.

Yes, forget it. It's a non-issue. The only place it's an issue is in your head.

Original poster
Plutorover · 02/03/2014 11:13

My message is ugly because I asked for help because I feel the way I do? Not about her number, I'm still with her. But why shout about something so personal and dare I say it unusual? Why not keep it to yourself?

OP posts:
Pumpkinpositive · 02/03/2014 11:15

110 is a nice round number. Smile

Did this come as a surprise to you, OP? Did you think she was a virgin before meeting you?

PavlovtheCat · 02/03/2014 11:15

why is it embarrassing that she has slept with about 110 people?

babyheaves · 02/03/2014 11:16

You feel angry and ashamed. Why? What is your thought process that makes you think that you have the right to control what your partner tells people.

Do you think she ought to feel ashamed for having a lot of sexual partners? If you do, then that's your problem, not hers.

Birdsgottafly · 02/03/2014 11:16

How do you know "she was eager to tell others?"

She was asked and decided to answer, in a group that she felt she didn't have to lie in.

I have probably had more partners, I am not ashamed if that.

I don't share because I can't be bothered with the judgement.

If more people shared then it would break the myth that you have to have low self esteem to not want a relationship, but want sex and are between fuck buddy's.

Even if you have g

PavlovtheCat · 02/03/2014 11:17

*i dare say it unusual?' is it? really? is this based on the number of people your other partners have slept with, or based on your own number? how would you know if it is unusual or not if you have not discussed the number of partners that others have had.

You are giving this way too much thought.

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 11:17

She is a free woman with agency.
She can divulge information about herself as she sees fit.
She is not ashamed of her past and neither should she be.
You are the one with the problem.
You really need to get over yourself.

Only1scoop · 02/03/2014 11:17

If you have a problem with her 'shari g' then address it with her. Just tell her it made you feel uncomfortable.

Seems strange that she quotes her exact '110' I'd struggle to count up exactly but it's less than 20!

BillyBanter · 02/03/2014 11:18

it was something private and somewhat embarrassing for me (accept that many right minded people would not have an issue but many would) so that is how I feel.

But why is it private and embarrassing for you?

Am I now to just accept this and forget it is that what you are all saying?

Yes.

Birdsgottafly · 02/03/2014 11:18

Sort, gone through a period if low self esteem and made errors of judgement (about anything) it just shows others that you can come out the other side.

As does many a weight loss story, or giving up any sort of drug use.

shakethetree · 02/03/2014 11:18

Op: yanbu. I'd be upset & embarrassed too. having that many sexual partners is hardly something to shout about is it. I hope you manage to sort this out though & not let it ruin anything.

Only1scoop · 02/03/2014 11:18

Only 'unusual' quoting the exact figure....

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 11:19

She wasn't shouting.
She was asked a question and responded truthfully.
No more, no less.

shakinstevenslovechild · 02/03/2014 11:20

Why should she have to keep it to herself? If she feels comfortable sharing that information then what difference does it make to you?

If you are angry and ashamed then that is 100% your issue, and you need to get over it, she clearly isn't ashamed, and nor should she be.

Also she isn't unusual having had over 100 partners.

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