Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner told friends that she has had 110 partners last night

526 replies

Plutorover · 02/03/2014 09:47

My partner of 7 years who is 40 told some friends that she had slept with approximately 110 men in the past. I did know this, but feel angry that she decided to tell others. It was at a school reunion do that I was not at. The question was specifically asked in a finding out game. I don't understand why she didn't tell them to mind their own business or lie.

She has hinted at it before to my brother too. May have actually told him but I'm unsure.

Why would she do this? Am I wrong to feel aggrieved about this?
Thanks
Confused and angry bloke

OP posts:
LucyLasticBand · 02/03/2014 10:09

are you ashamed by that figure - ashamed that everyone knows.?

VivianStanshall · 02/03/2014 10:09

I'd feel aggrieved. I wouldn't get together with a woman who I knew had had that many partners so to think that she wasn't like that and then find out via a third party is a slap in the face. I would end it and nearly did one time when I heard a rumour about one girlfriend, but fortunately when I asked about a bit it turned out to be a total lie.

And there are no double standards from me, it amazes me that some women seem to like men who have massively slept around like that.

LucyLasticBand · 02/03/2014 10:10

the point to remember is that you are the last one in her count - which must mean something

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 02/03/2014 10:12

nobody likes someone because they have slept around. Who has ever said phwoor, that bloke's a bit of alright. He's pug ugly and has the IQ of a small piece of cheese but he's shagged twelve hundred and seventy two people, I got to get me some of that.. Marry me big boy.

You like someone for the person they are. The amount of sex they may have had is not why you like them. It's just their past. Like where they went to college or what their first job was.

qazxc · 02/03/2014 10:13

YABU. She was asked a question and answered it.
Why should she be ashamed and lie or hide it?
Why does it matter to you wether she has slept with 10 or 110 men before meeting you?

DarlingGrace · 02/03/2014 10:13

I don't understand the need to hawk your dirty washing in public. I just think your GF needs to get a bit of dignity and decorum. She sounds utterly awful discussing that sort of thing with all and sundry. If she's talking numbers then shes probably rating prowess and size too.

CoffeeTea103 · 02/03/2014 10:14

I feel the same about a man or woman with that high a number, steer clear awayConfused but knowing that about her why are you with her?

Serendipity30 · 02/03/2014 10:14

people's responses here are very defensive and strange, i think because it is a male OP. That is a lot of partners and even if she slept with two people why tell so many people?

CailinDana · 02/03/2014 10:16

Vivian, the OP knew already. He only has an issue with other people knowing.

OP have you told your partner you're ashamed of how many men she's slept with and want her to keep it a secret?

RandallFloyd · 02/03/2014 10:17

You're right, it is utterly awful for a woman to talk about her sexual past.
Disgusting behaviour Hmm

FrigginRexManningDay · 02/03/2014 10:17

She had a life before you. Don't know why you are angry and confused, its a complete non issue.

PeriodFeatures · 02/03/2014 10:17

I have lost count and have only had about 10. respect to her impressive memory!

VivianStanshall · 02/03/2014 10:17

CailinDana - thank you for pointing that out. I misread did as didn't.

Definitely not a case of LTB then, more have a good talk about it.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 02/03/2014 10:18

god knows. Like I said upthread, it's fairly tragic to be doing the whole truth game at that age. But the OP seems to feel that the number itself is a problem. Why else did he say that he doesn't understand why she didn't lie? He feels that that number of partners is something a woman should not admit to.

So while playing stupid truth games at 40 is rather pathetic, the fact of having a larger than average number of sexual partners isn't shameful, embarrassing or dirty laundry that should not be aired.

Goblinchild · 02/03/2014 10:20

OMG, she's just like James Bond.

Why does it bother you that she told other people something you already knew? She's not ashamed of it, so why would she lie?

WilsonFrickett · 02/03/2014 10:21

Would people really not be with people based on the number of sexual partners they've had? Goodness.... Must remember to do a long division if DH and I ever split up Hmm

Sparklyboots · 02/03/2014 10:21

It isn't dirty washing. It's her sexual past. If that is dirty or shameful in your mind, that's for you to worry about and not her.

DarlingGrace · 02/03/2014 10:24

I'm old school. I couldn't care less who shagged what and how many times. It isn't dignified to talk about it, other than with the person you were doing it with. That is what makes it grubby, with decorum or dignity. It's one of those things like how much you earn, or politics, or religion that really is a public taboo to talk about.

Well it was until the advent of JK and the like now everyone needs da DNA test.

DarlingGrace · 02/03/2014 10:24

*without decorum or dignity

betman · 02/03/2014 10:26

It's her information to share. If she wants to tell people that's her choice.

MamaLazarou · 02/03/2014 10:26

YABU: she was asked and she told the truth. Why should she lie? It's nothing to be ashamed of and doesn't make any difference to your relationship.

babyheaves · 02/03/2014 10:28

So what if she has and so what if she did?

Get over yourself. It's her body, her history and your problem, not hers.

Casmama · 02/03/2014 10:32

I'm another one who thinks that the 110 is a bit odd- surely if you were going to say it would be about 100. To be that specific indicates she is keeping a close count and is strangely proud of the number. I don't really see the number of people you have slept with should be a source of pride or shame.

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 10:39

If you are really so threatened and insecure over her past then you need to let her go and find a nice Virgin Hmm
This is your problem, not hers.

Bearbehind · 02/03/2014 10:42

Is it only me that read the title and thought she'd had 110 partners in one night!Grin