Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt about how people react when I tell them that we are having another baby boy?

127 replies

mameulah · 28/02/2014 13:40

Just that.

We have a little boy who is a toddler and I am pregnant with our second baby.

Two people have been happy and excited.

The worst reactions have been 'are you sure?' and one person actually said, 'are you disappointed?'

It has really hurt my feelings.

Just me or anyone else? And why do people think it is okay to do that?

OP posts:
whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 28/02/2014 13:42

Because people don't know whether you wanted a girl, so don't want to be too enthusiastic in case you're disappointed?

WottaTheOdds · 28/02/2014 13:42

Not a bloody clue!

Congratulations, I am bloody thrilled for you! Flowers

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 28/02/2014 13:43

They don't think. That's why they say it.

If they took their brains out of the bubble wrap they came in, they'd realise it's a stupid thing to say.

You can change the way you announce it.

We are really pleased, we've just found out we are having a second son, we're thrilled!

The vast majority of people would only ever respond to that with their congratulations. It would take an absolute arsehole to make any sort of negative comment after that, which would entitle you to give them the death stare and say well, I don't think that's a very nice comment.

WottaTheOdds · 28/02/2014 13:43

One bloody too many!

CailinDana · 28/02/2014 13:43

It is incredibly insensitive. I don't blame second/third time mums for not saying the sex as people can be such shitheads.

If someone said "are you disappointed?" to me I would say "yes, my unborn baby is very disappointing."

tethersend · 28/02/2014 13:43

Not just you- when I was pg with DD2, it was a complete pityfest. It made me rage. Even the sonographer said "Sorry, it's a girl" (we had DD1 with us so she assumed we wanted a boy).

I think I started a thread about it actually Grin

Congratulations Smile

Mutley77 · 28/02/2014 13:44

No. It is not okay. I come across people in your situation and sometimes they almost look a bit disappointed (or sometimes if they are having a second girl). But I always say - wow how lovely two the same, I would have loved that! Which is true even though I have girl boy girl with massive age gaps and I love how my family works, I would have loved to have two close together of same sex as that always seems quite special to me.

FrankelInFoal · 28/02/2014 13:44

Some people have the weird idea that "one of each" is the perfect family and that if you end up with two of one kind you must automatically be disappointed as your family isn't complete. Load of old beeswax if you ask me Grin

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 28/02/2014 13:44

Because people are idiots.

I'm expecting no.2 (have a DS) and have been asked if I want a girl.

WaitingForMe · 28/02/2014 13:45

DS is DH's third son. When he was asked if he was disappointed he said "yes, I wanted a puppy."

ForgettableTampon · 28/02/2014 13:46

och some people are so thoughtless

It's HURTFUL, do they not think things through - no of course not/

Congratulations (mama of two boys here)

Patilla · 28/02/2014 13:46

Congratulations.

Each child is a beautiful individual, a miracle waiting to unfold.

Ignore people who cannot see the beautiful blessing your son will be. You will love and cherish him and he will enrich your family even further than it is at present.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 28/02/2014 13:47

I think people just forget to engage brain before speaking to be honest.
I had a 3 year old DD when I found out I was pregnant with a boy. I had comments like "Oh how will you cope with a boy?" "Are you upset its not another girl?" etc.
I just said I was thrilled to be having another baby, and would love baby for who they are.
Then once DS was born I was told "that's it now, no need to try for a 3rd DC as you have one of each"... so apparently it is only ok to have a 3rd / 4th child if you need one of the opposite gender to the children you have. Hmm

Just try to ignore the negative comments and focus on being a mummy x

isitme1 · 28/02/2014 13:47

Im on no.3 and everyone keepa saying
oh I wish you have a girl Hmm
I actually don't mind what this is as long as we both stay healthy during pregnancy and delivery
I get way too ill during pg and delivery to be fussed about the sex..I just want to be ok after delivery and the new addition too!

Original poster
mameulah · 28/02/2014 13:48

Thank you! We are utterly delighted. I just feel so hurt, I can see it in their eyes. And it is not random people. It has been really good friends. I waited a long time to be able to start a family and dreamed for YEARS of being blessed enough to have one baby. I know how hard it can be having also suffered a mmc. I also know that some people have a very much more difficult time of it. It is just so odd.

Iseeyoushiver

I think that is a great idea, I will definitely start to do that.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 28/02/2014 13:50

I'm really pleased for you. Thanks

But it would be wise to remember that you don't need to tell anyone anything about the gender, possible names etc.

Reminds me of the time when at PILs, during lunch my DH the fool started telling people our possible names for baby (I was about 7 months pregnant). Well, MIL made it clear what she thought of DH's favourite boy's name. DH stormed out of room. I simply told him "Don't ask for opinions if you might not like what is said". Luckily had a dd.

People make silly comments all the time. Try not to let it get to you.

MacBee · 28/02/2014 13:51

Because some people are stupid.

Massive congratulations OP!

Agggghast · 28/02/2014 13:52

I have four daughters, I cannot remember one person bar closest friend (who has three boys) not being negative about her arrival. Ignore it and enjoy your family.

LouisaJF · 28/02/2014 13:53

I'm in exactly the same position. DS2 will be here soon and I have had numerous comments about it being disappointing etc. even when I've said DS1 is going to love having a little brother, they come back with "I bet you wanted a girl though". No, I wanted a healthy baby and genuinely didn't care what flavour.

I find it very hurtful that people think my unborn son is disappointing of that we would feel that way. I lost my first baby, so any healthy little bundle is perfect.

Congratulations on your baby boys!

marleymooo · 28/02/2014 13:55

This used to drive me insane! I'm sitting with my sleeping 4 day old ds2 in my arms and I could not be happier. We didn't find out his sex beforehand and I can honestly say I didn't hope for one over another. DS1 is 2 and I hope they grow up to be best friends. People were constantly asking if we knew the sex, to be told no, as long as baby gets here safely we will be thrilled. Then on leaving I'd get a sympathetic look and be told I hope you get your wee girl! Wtf?!

2tiredtocare · 28/02/2014 13:55

Congratulations! Two of either flavour is lovely

soupmaker · 28/02/2014 13:56

YADNBU.

I had 2 MC after having DD1. Lots of people told me they were keeping their fingers crossed for a boy when I was pregnant with DD2. I was Shock. Me and DH were both secretly hoping for another DD, but most of all a healthy baby.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 28/02/2014 13:56

I've wondered about this for a few years.

I actually think it's more about THEIR OWN excitement, or lack of.

Like for some reason it seems more exciting to everyone else if a woman who has a son has a daughter because that's something NEW.

It has nothing to do with you because you won't feel that way.

IME the more babies you have the less it matters to you what gender they are.

Congratulations BTW. For some reason I have a lot of friends with 2 or 3 boys and they are all gorgeous and incredibly cool and fun.

Asheth · 28/02/2014 13:58

Congratulations! Two boys will be fab! I've got three! Grin I found some of the comments after DS3 was born very hurtful - people didnt seem to understand that we were genuinly so delighted with our beautiful little boy.

2tiredtocare · 28/02/2014 13:58

I had 2 girls then a boy and every other person said 'you can stop now you have your boy' I always wanted 3 regardless of gender

Swipe left for the next trending thread