Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To be hurt about how people react when I tell them that we are having another baby boy?

127 replies

mameulah · 28/02/2014 13:40

Just that.

We have a little boy who is a toddler and I am pregnant with our second baby.

Two people have been happy and excited.

The worst reactions have been 'are you sure?' and one person actually said, 'are you disappointed?'

It has really hurt my feelings.

Just me or anyone else? And why do people think it is okay to do that?

OP posts:

DickoryDock · 28/02/2014 16:49

I have three boys. During my second pregnancy people mostly asked if I was hoping for a girl. During my third pregnancy people mostly asked if it was planned . It wasn't, but that's not the point! If people asked if I was hoping for a girl I said yes, that time. I was, actually. People are really shocked if you agree, even though they ask the question!
Btw, having three boys has worked out perfectly. I just didn't know it was what I wanted before I had it iykwim.

Evie2014 · 28/02/2014 17:06

People can be complete morons. I started my own thread because I was upset about a similar situation- I'm pg with twins and we found out they were both girls and people were commiserating with me and saying "maybe they made a mistake- you could still have a boy".

I got lots of helpful replies on MN and have now learned to respond in a "leading" fashion. So in your case, instead of just saying "it's a boy" you say "Oh, we are THRILLED! A gorgeous BOY! DS and he will be friends for LIFE!" with a huge excited smile. In general people will then fall into line and react appropriately. You just have to train them.

If anyone persists just do as I do and say, "Look, I wouldn't have cared if they were goddam giraffes or polar bears as long as they were healthy." That makes people laugh and shuts them up.

But I seriously cannot believe how rude some people are. It's truly phenomenal.

HoratiaDrelincourt · 28/02/2014 17:16

Agree - people don't engage brain. The only acceptable response when someone tells you the sex of their unborn (or indeed newborn) child is "how lovely" or similar.

The comments I got when expecting DS3 were relentless. Even now, complete strangers will hear "three sons" and openly shudder or commiserate, as though (a) it were any of their damn business and (b) the sex of a person makes more difference than their health or character.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. My two older boys are now five and nearly three, and often play together beautifully. They are really good friends.

The logistics of reusing absolutely everything ... well that's only a minor thing but I won't deny that it helps

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 28/02/2014 17:19

I have 5 boys

I feel your pain

nannynewo · 28/02/2014 17:30

I would be more cross at the 'are you sure' comments than the disappointed one. I suppose the are you disappointed comment could have been changed to are you happy but I guess they may have thought you wanted a boy. The are you sure comments would really get to me. Like 'are you sure it's a boy, maybe we should double check and then be disappointed when we find out that, yes, it is in fact a boy'
Ignore them.

Congrats :D 2 boys will be lovely. I've a family member with three young boys and all their cousins are boys too. It's great!

giraffesCantBoogie · 28/02/2014 17:36

It makes me SO SO SO SO angry!

The options when you are pregnant are not - live baby boy or live baby girl.

I see the options as - MC/late MC, stillborn, a variety of genetic complications that mean a certain death, prematurity and not able to survive, and whole other list of complications that either end life or make life very hard.

And just 2 of the possible options are healthy babies. People would do well to remember that. And I would happily point this out to anyone who acts as if a healthy baby or one particular sex is something to be sad over!

ohhifruit · 28/02/2014 17:37

YANBU
I have a step son and when I was pregnant with my first DC we got lots of "oh I bet you wish you were having a girl?" and "oh dear, two boys!" with sad faces. People are idiots.

With DD we didn't find out the sex and when my sister first held her she said "you've completed your family now!" like it's a Sonic the Hedgehog game. I'm pregnant now and haven't found out the sex but felt like finding out and telling them all the opposite.

People are idiots who feel they have to constantly say something, anything, so they don't think it through.

Congratulations by the way!

EverythingsDozy · 28/02/2014 17:38

Some people are strange and believe that when people are pregnant it gives them certain rights of which they wouldn't dream of normally saying / doing!
It's funny because I wanted two girls and when I was pregnant with my second (DS) everyone said how lovely it would be with 'one of each'. I love both of my children equally but would have found it a darn sight easier with two girls!! Sharing bedroom, toys, clothes. Oh I love having 'one of each' but I HATE having two sets of toys!!!

kungfupannda · 28/02/2014 17:40

I had this after DS2.

Complete strangers asking me if I was disappointed.

I did once say 'Yes, I'm thinking of sending him back" and then got a horrified look. You can't win.

youarewinning · 28/02/2014 17:41

I thought your were going to say you already had at least another 3/4 DS' when people were commenting on 'another DS!'

Seems a weird comment for second child - although it's bloody weird and insensitive even if it was your 5th boy!

kungfupannda · 28/02/2014 17:45

I suppose one response to "are you trying for a girl/boy?" would be "How do you do that then?" with a curious head-tilt. I'm guessing most random strangers aren't going to be too keen to discuss baby-producing positions, even if they're perfectly happy to comment on the result!

RafflesWay · 28/02/2014 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarshaBrady · 28/02/2014 17:49

I have two boys and people are pretty nice to me about it. Strangers that is, They get lots of nice comments and I do too (obviously people may just think and not say the not so nice ones!).

Although I think one set of gps has a preference which is a bit sad.

Original poster

mameulah · 28/02/2014 17:52

Burren - exactly!!!

OP posts:

winterlace · 28/02/2014 17:53

I really wish I didn't care but I cared so much in my first pregnancy. I was desperate for a girl and was so happy when DD was placed into my arms.

Now I am pregnant again and am worried a DS would not be as magical.

MarshaBrady · 28/02/2014 17:54

I think it can be surprising how enjoyable little boys can be. But I understand the reticence in a way.

FryOneFatManic · 28/02/2014 18:04

I think there's a significant group of people who have in their heads the ideal perfect family being 1 boy, 1 girl.

I had DD, and we didn't bother trying to find out the sex, because we weren't bothered. Didn't stop people trying to guess, though.

With DS, we did find out, because we wanted to know in advance what sort of changes we needed to make, if any, due to some circumstances.

I did get loads of comments along the lines of "well, if it's a boy, you won't need to have any more children". I started answering back with "we're only having 2 so whether it's a boy or a girl, we won't have any more and we will be very happy whatever sex they are."

People are real idiots sometimes, and while I guess some are trying to make small talk, the vast majority of people are just being stupid enough to engage gob before putting brain into gear.

EauRouge · 28/02/2014 18:05

We have two DDs, there's a lot to be said for having two of the same! I get asked if we're going to have a third so we can try for a boy to carry on the family name. Am tempted to reply 'no, because I don't live in a fucking Jane Austen novel'.

Cakebaker35 · 28/02/2014 18:09

Yep people are idiots unfortunately. I've just started telling people I'm pregnant with dc2 and I'm amazed how many have said 'I expect you'll be hoping it's a boy then' (I have dd already) - really gobsmacked by it, I just say no as long as it's not a kitten I'll be happy people who say mornic things deserve moronic responses!

BasketzatDawn · 28/02/2014 18:14

I have 4 sons and got this a bit during later pregnancies and after their births. It was very irritating, but please don't be offended. These people aren't worth fretting about. It says more about them really.

I used to say cheeky things like - Oh, I'll be pleased if 'it' gets out the way it got in (I'd had 2 unwanted caesareans so for me this was an issue); or I hope 'it' gets out easily and has everything working (unlike ds2 who has SNs); after ds4 was born I told people I was really pleased cos it meant we had less of a housing problem for later (and I did mean it). We didn't know any of their sexes till they arrived, so it was really an 'it' . I adore my foursome and, as young adults/teens, they are pretty good pals of each other too.

gordyslovesheep · 28/02/2014 18:14

people are idiots:

me V's Sainsbury's checkout lady when 8mths gone with DD3

'oh first baby?'
'No it's my 3rd'
'Happy accident?' head tilt
'NO'
'what do you have?'
'two girls'
'and this one?'
'a girl'
'aww' sad face 'where you trying for a boy?'
'NO'
'will you try again for a boy'
NO - sigh !

OvercomeByGravity · 28/02/2014 18:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for personal reasons.

dustarr73 · 28/02/2014 18:53

I have 3 smallies,6,4 and 2 1/2.People see us out and about and say aw 3 boys how do you manage.I smile sweetly and say ive another 2 boys at home.They look at me with a head tilt cause they think the other 2 boys are small.I tell them they are 17 and 18 and watch their heads explode.

Deb2202 · 28/02/2014 19:00

I have 2 boys when I was having ds2 and found out he was a boy a little bit inside me was disappointed that I would never have a daughter (as he is our last) I'm no psychologist but I'd of thought a reaction like that would be reasonably common as you always want what you can't have!

However, I did not want to discuss the issue with everyone I brushed past in the street! I may have been sensitive but it felt relentless, everyone had an opinion. Like others have said I don't think they engage their brains and it's just a way to make conversation! Put it this way I discussed it countless times and I never raised the issue once!

My fil once said to bil in front of us now you've got a ds and a dd you don't need anymore kids, you've got the 'perfect' family. I had murderous thoughts...

Forago · 28/02/2014 19:12

Don't be hurt, don't be disappointed, don't tell them! They're idiots. I always wanted boys after my first was a boy (although only a slight preference, after experiencing mc you are just happy with a pregnancy) and now have 3. I wouldn't change it for the world and feel very lucky that i got just what I preferred.

I didn't tolerate any of this kind I nonsense in my second and third pgs, I found out at 11/12 weeks and immediatley told everyone yay! I'm having another boy! Brilliant! Nobody said anything negative to me, I guess because I was so clearly pleased to be pregnant, past early mc and having another boy (I am bit girly and hate all that pinkification stuff)

Boys are gorgeous, cute, loving, sweet and fun. Mine are anyway, I'm sure yours will be too.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread