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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be hurt about how people react when I tell them that we are having another baby boy?

127 replies

mameulah · 28/02/2014 13:40

Just that.

We have a little boy who is a toddler and I am pregnant with our second baby.

Two people have been happy and excited.

The worst reactions have been 'are you sure?' and one person actually said, 'are you disappointed?'

It has really hurt my feelings.

Just me or anyone else? And why do people think it is okay to do that?

OP posts:
ShitOnAStick · 28/02/2014 13:58

Congratulations op! I have two boys. They're total opposites in both looks and personality. I don't understand why think you'd be disappointed, it's like they think it's the same as pulling two sweets the same flavour from a lucky dip or something. Every child is an individual and their sex is a very small part of who they are.
When I had ds2 both mine and dh's parents were hoping for a granddaughter and voiced their disappointment to me! An old woman said to me when he was 5 days old "oh what a shame, never mind you can try for a girl next time" I resisted the urge to tell her to fuck off.
Lots of people have asked if we'll "try for a girl". No we won't, we wanted two children and we've got two children.

SaltyandSweet · 28/02/2014 13:59

Same thing for me. I have two boys and people were openly "sympathetic" when I said I was having a second boy Hmm I put up with a few comments and finally said to anyone else that we were thrilled that DS1 was going to have a brother. That shut people up ... for awhile. Now I routinely get "They must be a handful" (whilst the boys are actually not doing anything much at all) and "Time to have a girl!" (and variations on this theme). They look shocked when I say my family is complete and I have no plans for any more children, as if my life cannot possibly be complete without a child of each gender. Ignore, OP, there will always be people who spout silly, insensitive crap. My children are the light of my life, and that applies regardless of gender!

iloveweetos · 28/02/2014 13:59

I've been in this situation. And have learnt either not to find out or if I'm finding out the sex to just keep it between me and DH for our next child. Everyone has a vocal opinion on every aspect of children, very annoying.

ebwy · 28/02/2014 14:00

my eldest was 2 when I had his brother... 2 the same is awesome. As would one of each have been.

"are you going to try again for a girl?"
"no, but I'd love to have another baby"
"so, you want a girl?"
"no, I just would love to have another child"

blahblahblah people are idiots, ignore it.

GoldenGytha · 28/02/2014 14:00

I have two girls and most people were fine with me, as they knew I wanted another girl, but XMIL actually suggested I abort my baby so that we could try again so that her PFB could have a son of his own "as that's what all men want, a son, another girl is very disappointing Golden"

I can't express how furious I was with her.

snoggle · 28/02/2014 14:00

I am PG with DS3 and have not told anyone what we are having because of this. I haven't been the slightest bit bothered what sex any of my children are, they are just my children.
and having them all the same sex is way cheaper

Snugglepiggy · 28/02/2014 14:01

You will have a lovely family.Congratulations.But I know how you feel.Its over 20 years since DD no 3 was born,and we didn't know we were having a third girl - just wanted a healthy baby to join our two lovely daughters.But all through my pregnancy people assumed,and commented freely that we must be trying for a boy.Drove me quietly mad.One particularly hormonal day I came in and burst into tears and told DH I felt like one of Henry VIII s wives!But it didn't come from him,he loved his girls and we were used to a girly household.But equally so if we had had 3 boys it would have been different but equally great IYSWIM .Hope all goes well.

eggybrokenoff · 28/02/2014 14:02

oh I hate this so so so much it makes me rage. I know I am having ds3 and im so happy. but we have told no one that we know. but the 'oh you must want a girl' comments are really bugging me. if anyone says anything when he arrives I will probably lose it!

Waltonswatcher1 · 28/02/2014 14:02

Shows how utterly dim some folk are . If anyone hinted to me that there was some disappointment in my babies sex ,they'd be cleared out of my friendship larder .

Adeleh · 28/02/2014 14:03

YANBU. And congratulations - two boys are wonderful. Funnily enough, before I ever got pregnant I was desperate for a girl, and then as soon as I found out DS1 was a boy, we were of course overjoyed to have a lovely son, and when I found out I was pregnant again I really really wanted a boy. And I love having two boys close in age. Obviously a girl would have been just as lovely in a different way, but it's absolutely cretinous to suggest that one is more disappointing than another. People should engage their brains and realise that this is your cherished, wonderful child they're talking about!

Bonsoir · 28/02/2014 14:03

Because having an all-boy family is - rightly or wrongly - the least desired family combination in Western Europe and perceived therefore by some people as a failure.

Goldmandra · 28/02/2014 14:03

Lots of people thought it odd that I was happy to be having a second girl. I apparently supposed to want a boy to keep things even.

I wanted a girl both times for absolutely no fathomable reason whatsoever so getting two healthy baby girls was perfect as far as I was concerned and the fact that MIL didn't get her very vocally wished for grandson from me may have been the icing on the cake.

deelite72 · 28/02/2014 14:03

Just adding to the support. Isn't it amazing what people say? It's crazy. I had a stillborn daughter and you wouldn't believe the insanity that came out of people's mouths when I lost her. Sometimes people just have the insensitive switch running on high. A life is a life... this is your family member. 10 fingers, 10 toes, healthy and bonny and bright... that's all we ever ask for, right? We have two other kids: 1 boy, 1 girl. Our son is from my first marriage which ended when my son was 6 months old. His stepdad has raised him for 5 years now and together we have a little almost nearly 4 year old girl. I am now expecting a little boy. You can't imagine how many people have said, "How nice for your husband. He finally has a son of his own to carry on his name." Think it. Don't say it. You really want to splash a glass of cold water in people's faces and tell them to get a handle on their emotional intelligence. The other one I hate is when people tell you "You're clever" for having a boy or a girl. It's sooo patronizing and so silly, like a kid is some accessory: "good for you, so now you have a German car and a Japanese car in your 2 car garage". It's as shallow as that. Good luck to you!! Great health and an abundance of blessings to your son!!

SaltyandSweet · 28/02/2014 14:07

Bonsoir do you know why an all boy family is the "least desired in W Europe"?? (genuine curiosity as I have never thought this)

jellybeans · 28/02/2014 14:07

Congrats boys are fab! I have 3. - have 2 girls (fab too) also they were first and I got similar dumb comments. That type of people would make a comment whatever.

Hoofdegebouw · 28/02/2014 14:07

Yanbu. My midwife asked me if I was going to try again for a girl when my perfect, beautiful ds2 was in my arms less than 30 minutes old. I was not impressed.

2tiredtocare · 28/02/2014 14:09

Oh my God Golden that is appalling

cherry219 · 28/02/2014 14:09

YANBU, I have a DS and a DD, and when I was found out I was having a girl the second time EVERYBODY was falling over themselves to tell me how lucky I was to have one of each and that my family was complete now.

I was all Hmm and tried to explain that yes it would be lovely to have a daughter, but I would have also been overjoyed to have been having two boys, and how many children my DH and I decided to have was down to us and not down to whether or not random people thought we should stop once we had one of each. It drove me crazy.

Waltonswatcher1 · 28/02/2014 14:09

Cos there's no one to clean the loo properly ? (Other thread reference !)

MiserableCowWhenUpTheDuff · 28/02/2014 14:11

We have 3 boys and I can honestly say I would have been incredibly happy with boy or girl & when we announced a girl people kept saying ooh I bet you are over the moon, of course I'm over the moon, I'm having a baby!

Even now she is 13 weeks and people say the ooh I bet you love having a girl which of course I do but other than nappy changes there is not much difference, my baby is fabulous and would have been boy or girl.

My biggest 2 boys are 14 & 15 now and are good mates and incredibly close and I wish that for you OP as they are an absolute pleasure to be around (most of the time!)

Congratulations

HeartShapedBox · 28/02/2014 14:17

people are idiots.

I had the "perfect" family, a ds then a dd.

when I fell pregnant with ds2, all I got was "why the hell are you having another? you've already got one of each!"

ignore ignore ignore.

congratulations on your new baby to come Smile

HadABadDay2014 · 28/02/2014 14:17

I have 1 of each and people had the check to tell me that my family is complete now ( it is but not because my 2nd baby was a diffrent gender)

crazykat · 28/02/2014 14:25

People just don't think. I'd hope that most people weren't trying to be hurtful.

It's worse when you have one of each and are pregnant with no3. All I seemed to get was "why do you want another one when you've got one of each?"

LouiseSmith · 28/02/2014 14:27

I guess some people still hold the notion that whatever gender you already have, you want the other. :s

No idea though, congrats all the same :)

ballinacup · 28/02/2014 14:30

I have a DS and I'm 19 weeks pregnant with DC2. I will be sad and disappointed if it's another boy.

That doesn't mean I won't love my second son. I'll be disappointed I won't get to be the mother of a daughter and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Perhaps the people you're speaking to felt the same as me? Admittedly, they should keep it to themselves, but I don't think wanting one of each is intrinsically wrong, is it?