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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be hurt about how people react when I tell them that we are having another baby boy?

127 replies

mameulah · 28/02/2014 13:40

Just that.

We have a little boy who is a toddler and I am pregnant with our second baby.

Two people have been happy and excited.

The worst reactions have been 'are you sure?' and one person actually said, 'are you disappointed?'

It has really hurt my feelings.

Just me or anyone else? And why do people think it is okay to do that?

OP posts:
bigbadbarry · 28/02/2014 19:18

I didn't find out what I was having but the sheer number of people who assumed the only possible reason I might be having a third child was because I already had two girls - therefore I must be desperate for a bot - was appalling. DD3 is fab :) People are idiots.

bigbadbarry · 28/02/2014 19:19

a bot? They all had them.
/ a boy

maillotjaune · 28/02/2014 20:03

Congratulations! I am very happy with my 3 boys, really didn't have any preference but still get the rage when I occasionally see the grandmother of a child in DS2's year who actually said "Poor you, another boy" on the first day I took DS3 to collect from school.

JosieMcDozie · 28/02/2014 20:11

I'm 35 weeks with my second ds. I was absolutely delighted to be having another boy. I was adamant that I wanted another boy (as if I had a say in it!) and when I found out at the scan I was so pleased. I did, however, feel a bit disappointed a few days later that he wasn't a girl, but I think I would have felt like that either way. That feeling lasted about 20 minutes before I remembered that what I had wanted was another child. Not another son or daughter, but another child. And as I feel like I've been pregnant for ever, I wish the time would fly by till he's here Grin

Clawdy · 28/02/2014 20:23

When my third son was born, I was on a hospital ward which had "overflow" beds from the gynaecological ward,and the woman in the room next to mine was undergoing tests because she couldn't conceive. The woman in the sideroom opposite mine had just had a stillborn baby. I was in there for ten days and we became friends,as you do. I would sit on my own sometimes,gazing at my baby boy,and I had never felt more blessed in my life. If anyone had said anything negative to me about having another boy, I daren't imagine what I would have said to them,and I've never forgotten those ten days.

GinGirl · 28/02/2014 20:27

Wait til you have DC4 of the same sex...

ziggiestardust · 28/02/2014 20:28

clawdy Sad

dimdommilpot · 28/02/2014 20:36

I have a DD who is 3.4, her baby sister is due in 6wk. Ive lost count of the number of people who have asked if im disappointed, pulled a face or said 'o youll have to try for 3 now' (i want 3 anyway, OH doesnt). Once DD is here i shall be asking these people which of my daughters they think is the disappointment, my 3 yr old or my newborn.
Please try not to let it upset you.

Noggie · 28/02/2014 21:05

When I had dd2 a few people did actually say 'that's a bit of a shame...are you going to try again?'!!!!!!! I felt speechless and hurt in equal measure- I was so happy to have a healthy baby and didn't care one jot whether it was a girl or a boy! People say weird things without thinking Hmm x

bigbadbarry · 28/02/2014 22:26

Oh, and once I overheard somebody saying she had just found out she was having a second girl. The woman she was telling said "aw. Doesn't your husband mind?" Wtf!

CrispyCrochet · 28/02/2014 22:36

YANBU really but I can't swear I've never said something like that. Being pregnant & having a baby has changed the way I will forever interact with pregnant women or new parents. I think a lot of people don't realise how ignorant something is until it is either a) pointed out to them or b) they've been in that situation.

How many people learn you don't ask someone when their baby is due until you are 100% certain they are pregnant the hard way?

Albertatata · 28/02/2014 22:40

It gets worse, after you had DS2 everyone will start saying that you need to start trying for a girl .... No I bloody don't, I'm more than happy with two boys butt out

Someone even said to me - better luck next time! It seems like people don't think you can be happy unless you have one of each.

Adeleh · 28/02/2014 23:04

How rude - better luck next time. FFS. I bet your little boy's gorgeous.

LyndaCartersBigPants · 28/02/2014 23:17

Why do people do that? I had 2 DSs first and it was lovely and very useful for hand-me-downs I certainly didn't feel disappointed.

When dd came along 3rd she did add a different dynamic to our family, but I thought it would still have been great to have a little gang of 3 beautiful boys!

Congratulations and try not to let these people's blinkered views about the 'perfect family' taint your baby joy x

CeliaLytton · 28/02/2014 23:21

I had DS then DD and have been congratulated so many times it's unbelievable, especially since, believe it or not, I didn't have a say in the outcome! I was delighted when DS was a boy because I always wanted an older brother but didn't care second time and would not have been any less thrilled with a girl first time round.

I have also been told I am lucky that I can stop now because I have one of each, dreading the 'was it an accident?' questions if I ever have another.

I harboured a secret desire for dc2 to be a boy by the end of the pregnancy to prove to people I would love a second boy as much as my first and to piss of MIL who actually got Christmas cards with 'I hope you get your girl' messages written inside

Didn't find out either time but kind of wish I had as would have put a stop to all the people hoping on my behalf Confused

Iwillorderthefood · 28/02/2014 23:29

I am expecting DD3 and the comments I get, are unbelievable. I firmly tell them I am delighted to have another girl. In fact I am ecstatic to have another girl, as I love the two I have and think another girl is going to be great.

ilovecolinfirth · 01/03/2014 01:29

Welcome to the world of boys! It's great fun ! Feel your frustration. Any baby is an absolute joy to welcome to a family.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 01/03/2014 02:51

I've always been quietly glad that I had my only DD in the middle of my four sons. We genuinely didn't care if they were boys or girls, but with DD being in the middle it avoids all those crass ignorant rude people who feel it's ok to pass comment.
Just take no notice, and enjoy both your sons Grin and any other little ones who may come along in future, be the boys or girls Grin

sleepywombat · 01/03/2014 04:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justwondering72 · 01/03/2014 06:19

Hi op

Been there too. I have two boys age 6 and 3 now, and absolutely adore them.

Most annoying reaction was from my FIL - he and MIL had one of each, and he seemed to see it as a great personal achievement that they had 'managed' to have one of each... Whereas clearly I had failed in some way. Grrrrr.

So YANBU, but ignore them anyway and enjoy your boys!

Chottie · 01/03/2014 06:29

Just let is go! Does it really matter what other people think? Congratulations on your lovely new baby to be. Having two gorgeous little boys will be fab. I have two nephews (brothers) and they are so much fun, even thinking of them makes me smile.

Ignore all the negative vibes :) I just can't imagine why people would comment on this anyway?!?!?

KarenBrockman · 01/03/2014 06:58

Any baby is an absolute joy to welcome to a family.

^This

winterlace · 01/03/2014 07:48

Me too sleepy, there is a mum doing the school run every morning with 5 boys and I always feel sorry for her.

I know a LOT of people with 2 the same gender who go on to have a third and then stop when it's a different gender to the first 2. They may have wanted 3 anyway but I think a number of people do just like to experience a boy and a girl.

Haveacwtch · 01/03/2014 07:58

I've got two boys. I got comments throughout pregnancy that I could try again like the baby didn't matter. Worst was in a cafe on my due date. A lady asked what I was having "what a shame" she said "oh well I'm sure it'll be a nice baby and you can try again". Drove me mad!

As it turns out I love having two boys. They are best friends.

Ledkr · 01/03/2014 08:01

More annoying is after 3 boys people's fucking delight that I was "finally having a girl" as if my ds were all trial runs for the real thing!