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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this wasn't offensive?

525 replies

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:19

I work in an office, and after meetings, there are often spare sandwiches that are offered around.

I work in one group. A group of people of a similar level, all friends, were talking today and someone mentioned these sandwiches were brought to their group by a female member of staff, and also friend. A friend in another group mentioned sandwiches also came around to their group by a female member of staff.

A male friend in my group quipped about the member of staff who brings them around "what a slag!". A few of us laughed, one friend found it really offensive.

I think among friends, it was obviously a joke on the "promiscuity" of sandwiches, but I'm prepared to admit I was wrong to think it wasn't offensive. It wasn't very professional, but among friends?

OP posts:
Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:04

The person offended was male, there were two women (unoffended) and the male instigator of the joke

OP posts:
Cravey · 28/02/2014 16:05

Omg I am sat here crying with laughter at the fact that the op finds fideline non joke ( making a point op there is a difference ) offensive. Calling a woman a slag then laughing about it is rude, offensive, and uneducated. And by laughing you too are all of the above. Are you being so defensive on purpose or are you just really naive ? And what the hell has being promiscuous got to do with anything ? Stop making excuses and leave it be. I'm half hoping that someone in authority heard you all being so horrid and takes it further.

Blistory · 28/02/2014 16:06

Jokes with friends about sex can be fine ( I doubt whether this would ever be the case in the workplace)

But this wasn't a joke about sex with friends. This was a joke entirely based on society's default negative perception of women who have sex with more than one man.

Cravey · 28/02/2014 16:07

And you were not joking about sex with friends. You were calling someone a highly offensive name. It's quite simple really. You and your pals sound like a horrid bunch !

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 28/02/2014 16:07

Don't know whether to be happy that there are men who understand why it's offensive, or despair that there are women who don't.

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:08

wasn't it a joke against society's default negative perception of women by clearly being absurd?

OP posts:
ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 28/02/2014 16:08

Yeah this wasn't about "sex with friends" OP. This was crass name calling and slut shaming by an entitled man.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 28/02/2014 16:09

No OP. Still not feeling it.

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:10

never mind

OP posts:
Blistory · 28/02/2014 16:11

Women are routinely called slags so it is not absurd.

Women continue to be judged on their sexual behaviour so it is not absurd.

Men who continue to use such language are sexist - your friend was not making a point about society's perception of women - he was reinforcing it. And you agreed with him.

Cravey · 28/02/2014 16:11

Casio. Are you really as naive as you are coming across ? Or are you just really nasty ? There is no way this can be explained. Although you have tried several times with several different excuses. It will not work. It was offensive. You and your friends are rude. And backstabbing. If you are so so sure that this behaviour is ok then go tell said joke to the person concerned. Then trot onto hr and tell them said joke also. I'm pretty sure you may find they think it's not funny at all.

CinnabarRed · 28/02/2014 16:11

Just wanted to add my vote to the "offensive and unprofessional" camp. As we're deciding these things by counting votes now.

jacks365 · 28/02/2014 16:12

Can I ask op is your field a traditionally male dominated field?

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:13

not especially

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 28/02/2014 16:13

Is anyone else reminded of Sheldon in The Big Bang Theory, telling the HR lady that she's a slave?

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:14

how do you know what point my friend was making?

OP posts:
Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:14

backstabbing? Odd

OP posts:
Sillybones · 28/02/2014 16:15

As asked many moons ago OP, are you one of the post-docs or one of the lecturers? Was the 'slag' a post-doc or lecturer?

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:15

is it reasonable to assume women who offer sandwiches to two people are sexually promiscuous, or is that an absurd position?

OP posts:
Cravey · 28/02/2014 16:16

Oh and when you have gone and told your friends joke to management or hr do make sure you show us a copy of the written warning you may well get. Or the black eye off the lady about whom the statement was said.

Cravey · 28/02/2014 16:18

Yes dear backstabbing. Your friend referred to someone as a slag. However he wasn't quite brave enough to do it while she was there. He waited till she had gone. Therefore. Backstabbing. Being a bitch. Being offensive. Being rude. Being rather stupid. Being uneducated. Being sexist. Oh and last of all being a bunch of twats.

jacks365 · 28/02/2014 16:18

He didn't call her promiscuous he called her a slag. Promiscuous does not have the same negative connotations as slag does. Promiscuous is a description slag is an insult.

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:18

this was discussed later with the woman in question in the pub - she thought it was fine - no black eye!

OP posts:
Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:18

some have said promiscuous would have been offensive, so is promiscuous bad, or specifically the word slag?

OP posts:
AnnabelleLee · 28/02/2014 16:20

Ok, no jokes about sex with friends - got it. Thanks

Way to miss a point. Hmm How about no jokes about sex at work ?

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