To think this wasn't offensive?

[CasioBlues]

I work in an office, and after meetings, there are often spare sandwiches that are offered around.

I work in one group. A group of people of a similar level, all friends, were talking today and someone mentioned these sandwiches were brought to their group by a female member of staff, and also friend. A friend in another group mentioned sandwiches also came around to their group by a female member of staff.

A male friend in my group quipped about the member of staff who brings them around "what a slag!". A few of us laughed, one friend found it really offensive.

I think among friends, it was obviously a joke on the "promiscuity" of sandwiches, but I'm prepared to admit I was wrong to think it wasn't offensive. It wasn't very professional, but among friends?

I'd leave the thread firmly in the hands of the "Cats Bum" brigade if I were you OP & go back to your sandwiches!!

I don't find the joke funny (can't really understand it even after countless explanations).

I would consider using the word 'slag' offensive, I also consider any swearing or derogatory terms offensive and totally inappropriate to the working environment.

Even in my lifetime I had to complain to senior management about a 'pin up' calender that was allowed to be on a work notice board .

odd indeed

Oh that's alright then, I can call my colleague an arsehole or knobhead or [insert appropriate gender / race/ other insult ] and they should suck I yup if I tell them I don't honestly believe it?

suck it up

So you find my 'joke' odd, but not the slag one?

That's what I can't get my gead around. The difference.

Personally I'd expect to be disciplined for either example if management got wind.

You're still not understanding the point that posters are making, OP.

Calling a woman a slag, no matter what the context, is unacceptable. And he did call her a slag. It really doesn't matter whether he holds the belief that she is a slag or not, the fact remains that he referred to her as one.

Doing it whilst she was out of ear shot escalates the offense - if he thought it was so inoffensive, why not say it to her face ?

While we continue to live in a rape culture and one where women are judged on sexual behaviour in a way that men are not, the subtle acceptance of words that only exist to denigrate women is wholly unacceptable and enforces the existence of that rape culture.

A man who uses that word or similar, in jest or otherwise, is one, who knowingly or otherwise, sees women as somehow lesser. The fact that you, as a woman, cannot see this shows just how ingrained sexism really is.

so are the slut walkers wrong? Are they offensive?

fideline, your joke doesn't make sense and is quite offensive!

It's common for oppressed groups to try and reclaim the negative language used against them.

It is never acceptable for the oppressor to use it and then claim that they're being ironic or joking or whatever.

Where I used to work, we had very immature banter with each other, telling colleagues to "fuck off" if asked to help with something, calling each other "tarts" and "knobs." But not meaning it literally. We were just a very close team where we knew we were taking the piss. I would have taken the op's comment in entirely the same vain (vein?)

so in some circumstances, it is ok to call a woman a slag?

OP I'd be interested to know what your HR/ legal departments would think of this if they were to know about it? Surely as this was so very inoffensive and he didn't really mean it and she's "happily married" and furthermore it's about the promiscuous ness of sandwiches(hahaha!!) you wouldn't mind asking them for their views? Just so you can come back and tell the unreasonable posters here like it is?

Promiscuity that is

You can see that fideline's joke is offensive but you can't see the parallel with the slag joke ?

Ok, what is it that you find offensive about that joke ?

The use of racist language ?

The reference to slavery of black people ?

Because what is offensive about your joke is :

The use of sexist language
The reference to the judging of women and their sexual behaviour

Still don't get it ?

"No, it's not, it's about sandwiches!"

Just keep telling yourself that! Maybe it might even come true

"fideline, your joke doesn't make sense and is quite offensive!"

Ha!!

well, one's a blanket term to begin with, and arguably more offensive - would promiscuous have been offensive?

Yes.

Just adding my vote for the unfunny and offensive.

I wasn't planning on posting anything as others have argued the case so well but seeing as OP is counting the numbers of posters for either side, I thought it best to make my view clear too.

Ok, no jokes about sex with friends - got it. Thanks

Can I ask for clarification on something?

You were standing in a small group of colleagues (four academic professionals, no less).

One of these four, a man, made a 'joke' by calling the sandwich bearer a slag about sandwiches!!!
The second of the four, we don't know his/her gender, laughed. Is that correct?
The third, again we don't know his/her gender, thought the remark was really offensive.
The fourth was you, and you don't think the remark was offensive, and you are female.

Can I ask, what gender were the second (laughed) and third (offended)?

even if they're not about sex

I think essentially you know that it was offensive becuase you tried to mask the joke at the start of the thread with nonsense about "the promiscuity of sandwiches" rather than being blunt that it was essentially labelling a woman promiscuous as a joke.

Casio both terms used in your friends joke and in fidelines are derogatory terms used to subjugate and insult a section of society who are not quite classed as equal which is why both jokes are offensive. don't even know where the feminism boards are