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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this wasn't offensive?

525 replies

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:19

I work in an office, and after meetings, there are often spare sandwiches that are offered around.

I work in one group. A group of people of a similar level, all friends, were talking today and someone mentioned these sandwiches were brought to their group by a female member of staff, and also friend. A friend in another group mentioned sandwiches also came around to their group by a female member of staff.

A male friend in my group quipped about the member of staff who brings them around "what a slag!". A few of us laughed, one friend found it really offensive.

I think among friends, it was obviously a joke on the "promiscuity" of sandwiches, but I'm prepared to admit I was wrong to think it wasn't offensive. It wasn't very professional, but among friends?

OP posts:
Cravey · 28/02/2014 16:21

Ok. Of course someone was fine with being called a slag. I'm saying no more on this matter. Quite frankly it's horrid. Perhaps op if you start spending time with nicer people at work it may well rub off on you maybe ?

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:21

ok, no jokes with friends about sex at work - got it

OP posts:
Blistory · 28/02/2014 16:21

You clearly have no interest in understanding why people are offended by the joke nor do you have any understanding that you are contributing to a rape culture.

That is why you are seriously offending people. It's not about being po or lacking in humour. Your stance and support of your colleagues sexist jokes do real harm to living women.

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:22

yup, the woman was fine being called a "slag". but then we know her

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/02/2014 16:22

A question, Casio - do you think the woman concerned would have been happy at being called a slag? Would your colleagues have called her a 'slag' to her face and expected her to laugh along? And if she found out about it and was upset, would you all be telling her she should develop a sense of humour, and there couldn't be anything wrong with the joke because you found it funny?

"If it helps, I work at a university -we were four academic members of staff"

It doesn't help - it makes it worse that four, supposedly intelligent, well educated people, think this sort of thing is OK.

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:24

I get why some people think it's offensive, because they think that this was a joke in support of the idea that a woman having sex is a bad thing - but I think this joke isn't support of that idea at all, because it's clearly absurd and ridiculous

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 28/02/2014 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blistory · 28/02/2014 16:29

Again, you're wrong on all accounts.

You have not yet grasped why people are offended.

Do you understand that women are raped ?

Do you understand that they are beaten ?
Do you understand that they are killed ?
Do you understand that underlying all of the above is the presumption that women ask for it ? That women who sleep around deserve such treatment ? That women are the architects of their own misfortune simply because they are women ? Because of the way they dress, the way they act, the way they conduct in sex ?

Do you see that calling a woman a slag or using any language that continues to support the belief that women should be judged for their sexual behaviour is the tip of the iceberg ?

Do you see why calling a man a slag is something completely different ?

Sillybones · 28/02/2014 16:30

What are you studying OP? Your thought processes are interesting . . .

"I get why some people think it's offensive, because they think that this was a joke in support of the idea that a woman having sex is a bad thing - but I think this joke isn't support of that idea at all."

AnnabelleLee · 28/02/2014 16:31

no, you really don't get it at all. Its not that the "joke" is about that, its about the casual use of terminology that reinforces societal stereotyping.
"Slag" is a word used for women with negative sexual connotations. You don't need to have intended any offence with its use to perpetuate the entrenched attitude that it conveys.

ADishBestEatenCold · 28/02/2014 16:32

Wasn't sure that my posts made it clear, so can I confirm that my vote is with the "offensive and unprofessional" camp.

How's that count going, OP?

Sillybones · 28/02/2014 16:32

So, you think that the people who say YABU believe the person said 'slag' because women having sex is a bad thing (your words).

You think YANBU because calling someone a slag means that women having sex is a good thing.

Is that right?

Good Lord.

Sillybones · 28/02/2014 16:33

I'm so tempted to count ADishBestEatenCold - so tempted . . .

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:34

Blistory, of course I get that women are raped - but I think you're missing the point, but we're not going to agree here.

To be honest, if the man had said with a straight face, that the woman was a slag, I'd see it as supporting that statement. However, that isn't what happened - it's a joke against that idea, showing how absurd it is -

OP posts:
Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:35

silly, no that's not right

OP posts:
SchrodingersCake · 28/02/2014 16:37

I've only just joined in.

I've read all the posts.

I'm still aghast.

fideline · 28/02/2014 16:37

"Are you all on work experience?"

Grin @ MrsDeVere

SchrodingersCake · 28/02/2014 16:39

Oh if a man says WITH A STRAIGHT FACE that a woman is a slag, ok. That's hilarious. Heehee,

Fuck sake...

ADishBestEatenCold · 28/02/2014 16:39

So if it's "absurd and ridiculous" it's not offensive?

So if I told you that very nasty joke about women and snail trails, which is very clearly both absurd and ridiculous in content, would you say that this seriously offensive joke ceased to be offensive because of it's absurdity and ridiculousness?

How deep are you going to dig this hole, OP?

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:44

well, the woman in question wasn't offended if that helps

OP posts:
AnnabelleLee · 28/02/2014 16:45

you really are protesting too hard, OP.

You seem to think it some kind of post-modernist ironic joke highlighting the meaning of the word. no-ones buying it. You might be academics but clearly none of you are smart enough for that one.

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 16:47

well, I'll protest less hard then.

OP posts:
UptheChimney · 28/02/2014 16:49

YABU not to be offended. "Slag" is a term of abuse generally aimed only at women. Humour is often a cover for bullying and harassment. What your colleague said about the "sandwiches"? oh yeah, I really believe that-- was low level sexual harassment at worst. At best, completely inappropriate for the workplace.

YABU for not understanding this.

Blistory · 28/02/2014 16:49

For someone involved in academia, you exhibit a surprisingly reluctance to learn or to question your own beliefs.

I suspect that there will come a time when your beliefs will change.

BackforGood · 28/02/2014 16:49

Not sure where you are getting the "Opinion split about 50:50" from - are you missing a lot of posts from your thread?