to feel a little disappointed that my children have been uninvited to a wedding.

[emptychair]

Just that really.

I get that they can have whatever wedding they want, their day, their way, etc etc. But nothing was mentioned at the save the date stage, or the reserving the accommodation stage.

I'd already RSVPed with a yes from all of us so how do I word my reply? Obv, if we can't get childcare, we won't be able to go after all.

This may sound pathetic to some but I'm actually really sad about it and not looking forward to telling the children they won't be going after all.

Your reply is perfect. The age cut off is ridiculous, would they really expect your to leave younger child at home? Wouldnt the rest of the family think is was weird if you only turned up with one child?

YANBU, the email sounds good.

My children got uninvited to be bridesmaids, what was worse is I accepted as long as she didn't change her mind, I didn't go to the wedding in the end.

I think your email is spot on. It sounds very reasonable and polite.

I would assume that there is an utter little horror (or two) age 9 on the other side of the family and they can't think of any other way to say to the parents that they don't want them there to ruin the day. So they had to come up with a blanket ban!

It reads to me as though you're going to try to find childcare so the rest of you can attend, and will let them know soon how that is going- is that what you mean to say? I thought the initial reply "we can't leave one child behind, my usual babysitter will be at the wedding!" was better, presumably you are referring to the parent or aunt/uncle of the bride or groom ads your usual babysitter, and it's a sibling or cousin getting married ?

Shoom, It's a same age family member getting married and my DF (family patriarch lol) would normally have the children for overnight care.

DF said that the original second paragraph made it sound like was was taking back my RSVP in a fit of pique. I don't want to sound like that. I want to sound gracious but there is a little bit of me that want's them to realise that they have been a bit unreasonable in either not being clear about children when they were originally asking people to save the date or (more crucially) waiting almost 2 months after my reply (where I mentioned the children by name) to decide that they didn't want children after all. If groom had replied straight away on the 7th Jan and said "Oh crumbs, sorry, we're having it no kids" I'd not feel quite so upset but waiting almost 2 months makes me feel like (as has been mentioned) they have not thought their guest list through before inviting people (which is really rude wedding etiquette - years on wedding websites taught me that if nothing else lol)

What about

I had assumed that children were invited to the wedding and I'm sorry if that has put you in an awkward position. DS will be 10 but DD will be almost 7 and I obviously couldn't bring one and not the other (especially as it is DD who is the sociable party girl).

Can I ask you to let me put a hold on the RSVP for the moment, as we will need to try and organise childcare (our usual overnight babysitter ie Dad, will be at the wedding)? We would like to come and share your day with you, and will let you know as soon as we can if we are able to get child cover.

Is it a close relative or just a cousin (yeah, yeah I know some cousins are very close but you know what I mean).

It's a bit awkward

It's is best to be extra extra nice in your reply (you PA has it right), it is clear enough how you will feel without spelling it out.

Note how blame is placed on bride's mother.

YANBU To be disappointed, YWBU to be rude about it

Call me old fashioned but I don't understand all this crap about no children at weddings, and no boxed gifts,c ash only, why not say we want money not your cheap argos gifts. Yes couples are invited to weddings and couples sometimes have kids. . A marriage is a happy hopefully once in a lifetime occasion to be shared. BY all family and friends. An all adult wedding party sounds boring to me. Yes their wedding they can do as they like sadly.

I'll let you know next wedding invite I get, if you like asian food plenty and it won't be too hot, no booze sadly but free food and the deal is. I get invited then I get my cousins and friends that's where you come in. Then you get your kids, partner and invite your own cousins. Lol seriously this is what happens in asian weddings and the food doesn't seem to run out its crazy. You don't return no card as acceptance of attending either, they don't expect you, if you don't come someone else will eat your food. Lol kids welcome, adults young and old, ethnicity doesn't matter . I had my neighbours there ones I grew up next to, and family who owned post office cross road during childhoodlol I did want them there I actually still pop in and see them. Cheer up.

It's a cousin. My DB is close to him although we ourselves are not as close as some of my other cousins but my family is wide-spread and so we do relish the opportunities to get together.

What I was thinking was, would you attend the wedding with your older child if you can get childcare for your 7yo? I can imagine you may be thinking "how rude to decline the invitation, we must try to go" but I'd probably want to decline the whole thing, and would be concerned about how the younger child would feel about being left out.

I thought your recent draft read more like you were hoping for sociable party girl dd to be invited, rather than explaining to someone who didn't know her particularly well that she'd enjoy the wedding. Without knowing your family dynamic and how you all communicate its just a stranger's impression...

Is there a halfway option of you all attending the ceremony but then leaving as a family afterward?

It seems like you are more considerate to the bride and groom than maybe they are being to you.

If you want to go go. Personally I wouldn't go, I don't have anyone to watch kids and I've never been to a single wedding without my children.

Xpost with your recent one explaining it's a cousin's wedding. Wtf, urgh, awful grammar in my last post. obviously past bedtime! Good luck whatever you decide. And no rush, let them know in a month or two.

I see what you are saying Shoom. There is no question of me going with DS and without DD. We either go with both (if this changes and they are invited), or none (if we can get childcare) or we don't go.

I'd be sad not to go as I do love seeing my family as we all get together so rarely (a wedding last year, Mum's funeral 3 years ago, DD's Christening 6 years ago to give an idea of time scales).

What I really want to say is

"You are quite entitled to have the wedding you want however I'm upset and feeling like you have changed the position on children coming to the wedding (especially when they are not horrors and you have acknowledged how good they were last year) and I'm not sure I want to come now but I'll probably do my best as I spend my life pleasing other people and trying not to let people see how upset I really am".

That reply would upset them though. [smile[

What about you going and having a great time socialising with your relatives and getting your DH to stay home (and do something fun) with the kids?

That sounds brilliant Justanother.

I could do but DH and I get on really well with each other's family and we'd like to be together. Just occurred to me, the wedding is on a Monday. MIL won't be able to have the kids - I can't ask her (or anyone) to take time off. I guess the bride and groom will find that if they say no children, people won't come. (I'm a teacher and so wouldn't be at school anyway on the date of the wedding).

^^ some people

A wedding just isn't the same without children. Little girls in lovely dresses, little fat-fingered toddlers poking things on the buffet table, little boys flying round treading cake everywhere.

TBH I'd my kids don't go then I don't. We're a package deal.

I think the 2nd reply is good. Instead of we would like to come and share...", you could put "we are all disappointed not to be able to come and share...", which is still polite but makes it clear you (and dd) feel a bit upset.

Best to say you're disappointed straight up rather than imply pissed-offness by using words like "rescind"

I'd say that:-

I'm sorry that you've chosen to exclude one of my children from your celebration. However I think that for the rest of us to attend while leaving just one child at home would send out a very hurtful message. At nearly 7 she's old enough to feel very rejected. so for this reason would prefer not to attend on this occasion. I wish you all the health, wealth and good will in the world as you embark upon creating your own family unit.

Yours

Empty Chair

I'm not normally as forthright, but this is just darn mean to the child now uninvited. A wedding should be a celebration not an opportunity to upset young children like this. The bride and groom need to get their act together ffs!

I wouldn't be putting anything on hold, I'd just be declining giving reasons. I wouldn't leave 1 child at home. The only child free wedding I went to was when I just had 1 child and he was under 2 so not really aware of being excluded. I work and would rather spend time with my kids than go to social occasions without them.