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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a little disappointed that my children have been uninvited to a wedding.

181 replies

emptychair · 27/02/2014 22:27

Just that really.

I get that they can have whatever wedding they want, their day, their way, etc etc. But nothing was mentioned at the save the date stage, or the reserving the accommodation stage.

I'd already RSVPed with a yes from all of us so how do I word my reply? Obv, if we can't get childcare, we won't be able to go after all.

This may sound pathetic to some but I'm actually really sad about it and not looking forward to telling the children they won't be going after all.

OP posts:
chateauferret · 27/02/2014 22:51

It's not over yet. The next bit is where Bridezilla puts it to you that the NFI kids should decorate the venue, and then have a nuclear meltdown when told to fuck off.

EugenesAxe · 27/02/2014 22:52

Nah I think that's a bit shit really... you should possibly have checked when it first went out, and not assumed, but having mentioned your children in your reply, and not been informed of the 'policy' it's off for them to impose it now.

Talk to them - hopefully you won't be confronted with MOBzilla and Bridezucki.

TheScience · 27/02/2014 22:53

I would have assumed the whole family was invited if not specified. Really rude of them to send out all the details and then decide on actual guestlist a couple of months later!

Can you cancel and get your money back?

Original poster
emptychair · 27/02/2014 22:54

lol Tommy. So true.

Phantom, I'm the only one on this side of the family to have children. By the time of the wedding they will be 6 (a month away from being 7) and 10. 10 year old can come but DD can't. (sorry if that sounds like a drip feed but I wouldn't consider bringing 1 without the other so to me that's irrelevant). It's definitely baby noise/where to put the kids that is the problem, that was explicit in the email.

Anyway, my AIBU was about being a bit upset, not about were they unreasonable in not having children.

I have no intention of causing a family angst/upset (I suspect his mum may not know this yet). I'll reply graciously but will have to say that I may be unable to attend after all.

Will compose something and if it's ok, ask the MN jury to make sure it's a good reply.

OP posts:
Caitlin17 · 27/02/2014 22:55

I'm surprised you made the assumption given the terms of the save the date.

charmschool · 27/02/2014 22:55

YANBU if it's family. Children of friends is a different matter. I hate emailed wedding invitations. My brother got married and emailed the details and my half-sister didn't know whether she'd been copied in by accident and was actually invited to the blooming thing at all.

And THEN we all got one joint email saying "thank you for your presents" FFS.

Original poster
emptychair · 27/02/2014 22:58

It's not over yet. The next bit is where Bridezilla puts it to you that the NFI kids should decorate the venue, and then have a nuclear meltdown when told to fuck off.

Just spat my wine over the keyboard! Grin

Thankfully, I hadn't yet paid a deposit on the accommodation so at last no money lost.

OP posts:
Nocomet · 27/02/2014 23:09

I'd be tempted to email them saying stuff your invite and I hope it rains.

But I believe that wedding, weddings should be family affairs for all age groups.

Small registry office affairs with a restaurant meal in the evening may be different. I fact even then the bride invited my 10 &13yo's to the whole thing. They actually did the wedding and tea and cake at her dad's, but skipped the meal.

DD1 would have been fine, but 100% really geeky science and proper food would have tried DD2's patience. Also just for once we had child care, DH by total coincidence comes from the same area as the bride and his sister still lives there.

Original poster
emptychair · 27/02/2014 23:12

Dear YY

Thank you for your email.

I had assumed that children were invited to the wedding and I'm sorry if that has put you in an awkward position. DS will be 10 but DD will be almost 7 and I obviously couldn't bring one and not the other.

Unfortunately I will have to rescind our RSVP as at the moment we cannot guarantee that we can come as I will need to try and organise childcare (my normal overnight babysitter will be at the wedding!).

Emptychair

OP posts:
Original poster
emptychair · 27/02/2014 23:14

Does that sound ok?

Nocomet - I'm the same. I've never been to a child free wedding let alone invited to one.

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 27/02/2014 23:15

if there are not many kids, then they are not even saving money by not having masses of kids there, and one of your DCs can come and one can't! - they are being hugely unreasonable!

mymiraclebubba · 27/02/2014 23:16

sounds perfectly reasonable to me emptychair

Beamur · 27/02/2014 23:16

Sounds alright to me - the 10 yr cut off age seems so arbitrary and ridiculous that one child could come and not the other.

Bunbaker · 27/02/2014 23:17

"I'd assume the children were never invited"

And I would assume DD was invited unless I was told otherwise, but in our families we don't have child free weddings. If we did hardly anyone would come.

OwlinaTree · 27/02/2014 23:21

That email sounds reasonable, the fact that they've had a conversation with you about changing their minds essentially makes it even more reasonable.

Why would you have just over 10s? Usually you have to pay for older children, littlies are much cheaper or free.

Martorana · 27/02/2014 23:22

Don't say "rescind our RSVP" - you're not an insurance company. Just say "I'm sorry we won't be able to come- our usual babysitter will be at the wedding! Hope you all have a lovely time"

Their loss.

Caitlin17 · 27/02/2014 23:22

If the invitation didn't say OP and Mr.OP and family I think it's very presumptuous to assume the children were invited.

YellowDinosaur · 27/02/2014 23:25

What martorana said. Rescind our rsvp sounds massively pompous

racmun · 27/02/2014 23:27

I wouldn't go.

I've refused to go to weddings when other children were invited and ds wasn't.

Original poster
emptychair · 27/02/2014 23:33

Yes, rereading it, rescind does sound a bit pompous. How about:

"I had assumed that children were invited to the wedding and I'm sorry if that has put you in an awkward position. DS will be 10 but DD will be almost 7 and I obviously couldn't bring one and not the other.

Can I ask you to let me put a hold on the RSVP for the moment, as we will need to try and organise childcare (our usual overnight babysitter will be at the wedding)? We would like to come and share your day with you, and will let you know as soon as we can if we are able to get child cover.

OP posts:
Beamur · 27/02/2014 23:34

That's nice.

Original poster
emptychair · 27/02/2014 23:35

Thanks Beamur. I still want to add I'm still really upset though lol

OP posts:
Beamur · 27/02/2014 23:38

But being brave about it!

wadi1983 · 27/02/2014 23:38

that's to nice!

Original poster
emptychair · 27/02/2014 23:41

That's kind of what I think Wadi (second para is my pa helping me word it and he is too lovely lol). I want them to have a little inkling of how upset I am at the whole ambiguity of the initial details and waiting almost 2 months to tell me/decide about no children. Wink

OP posts: