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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to think 'partner' means a cohabiting partner, not just boyfriend.

376 replies

fideline · 27/02/2014 19:29

This has twice caused major confusion recently.

I realise most of the time it doesn't really matter much, but referring to someone you are 'just' dating as your partner is confusing wrong.

Isn't it?

OP posts:
Joysmum · 27/02/2014 19:31

I've always thought so...but can appreciate older people in relationships don't want to be be boyfriends and girlfriends. Puts me in mine of Dellboy Trotter calling Raquel his 'significant other' Smile

Bowlersarm · 27/02/2014 19:33

Oh, well I would have thought partner was just another word for boyfriend or girlfriend, whether cohabiting or not.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 27/02/2014 19:34

It also means business partner.

I have a friend with one of each, a regular partner and a business partner.

That really can get confusing.

QueenofKelsingra · 27/02/2014 19:35

I wouldn't necessarily say its co-habiting but certainly long term relationship, a year at least I guess.

I don't like the term though to be honest. people no use it as a quick fix to cover all bases. I don't have a partner, I have a husband thank you. and before that I had a fiancé and before that a boyfriend. I dislike the current trend of being generic about everything.

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/02/2014 19:39

I am in my 40s and have had a boyfriend for nearly 2years. We are planning to live together later this year, then he will become my partner.

YANBU OP.

DameFanny · 27/02/2014 19:43

Yanbu. Partner to me implies shared aims, shared effort etc. DH is my partner.

LessMissAbs · 27/02/2014 19:46

Never heard of that definition before. In fact I have friends who have long distance relationships who refer to their "partners".

KiwiBanana · 27/02/2014 19:49

Yanbu. I hate referring to DP as my boyfriend, we've been together 7 years and have 2 children so we're way beyond what the word boyfriend implies to me. Partner isn't my favourite word either but I feel like a right knob for some reason when I refer to him as my fiancé Confused

IneedAwittierNickname · 27/02/2014 19:49

Not as bad as calling a new bf 'hubby' like my old school friend does Hmm

ilovepowerhoop · 27/02/2014 19:50

to me partner is another name for a boyfriend/girlfriend. It would be strange for me to hear a grown up call the person they were dating a boyfriend/girlfriend - makes me think of teenagers

elastamum · 27/02/2014 19:50

DP and I have 2 homes because we each still have teenage children in school in different parts of the country and neither of us want to uproot them and move them away from their other parent. We have been together a few years, are planning our retirement and will eventually move in full time when it works for the children.

Just becuase we dont live together full time, doesnt mean we are 'just dating' Hmm

HellomynameisIcklePickle · 27/02/2014 19:50

Yanbu

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 27/02/2014 19:52

I still struggle with using "partner" as a relationship definition, rather than a business partner. But then again, I'm too tired to really care, tonight - time for a Wine Grin

ImpOfDarkness · 27/02/2014 20:05

I do get a bit Hmm when people on the relationships board refer to their boyfriend of six weeks as their partner. Especially if he is married to someone else.

fideline · 27/02/2014 20:06

elastamum yes I can see that, but your situation must be unusual?

It seems like teens and twentiesomethings now frequently use the term for any relationship over a week's duration.

Maybe it is a generational thing, much of the time.

OP posts:
fideline · 27/02/2014 20:09

Yes Imp - that too. When it's used like that it smacks a bit of clinginess desperation

As Damefanny says partner implies shared responsibilities,commitment, an enduring arrangement surely?

OP posts:
KissesBreakingWave · 27/02/2014 20:09

Whatever, I think we can all come down against 'manshape', right? Right?

fideline · 27/02/2014 20:10

Manshape?? Never heard of it

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 27/02/2014 20:11

Just because you're not cohabiting, doesn't mean you're "Just dating"

I would consider by BF and I to be much more than "just dating". We are in a long-term committed relationship. We share everything in our lives except an address. Not that it's any business of yours we don't cohabit because we have committments to our DC in fifferent towns.

I often feel uncomfortable calling him my DP on MN because I know our relationship doesn't conform to the narrow minded definition of partnership that is considered acceptable here

But I an assure you he is my DP and I consider him as rather more than someone I'm "just dating"

Families / relationships / lives / partnerships / life comes in lots of shapes and formas now OP. Last time I looked it was 2014 not 1954

So yes, on that basis YABVU

JupiterGentlefly · 27/02/2014 20:11

I am so baffled by the whole thing.. I am 41, so feel 'boyfriend' sounds immature, 'partner' hmm, business, ' live in lover'?. I just say 'my other half' classy

FudgefaceMcZ · 27/02/2014 20:11

No. Living in the same house with someone doesn't automatically make your relationship more special and important than anyone else's. YABU and a bit of a dick.

JupiterGentlefly · 27/02/2014 20:13

Bitoutofpractice.. Very well said!

BitOutOfPractice · 27/02/2014 20:14

And as you can see from this thread, it is not "unusual" Hmm

Christ, not every woman who isn't still married to their childhood sweetheart is some kind of sad desperate spinster clinging desperatily to any man who passes by calling him "DP" you know.

Oooo I'm cross. As you may be able to tell!!

ThursdayLast · 27/02/2014 20:15

BitOutofPractise,
Your circumstances are a million miles from mine, but what you said is how I feel on the subject.

usualsuspect33 · 27/02/2014 20:16

YABU, you can still have a partner even if you don't live together.

What does it matter anyway?

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