...to think 'partner' means a cohabiting partner, not just boyfriend.

[fideline]

This has twice caused major confusion recently.

I realise most of the time it doesn't really matter much, but referring to someone you are 'just' dating as your partner is confusing wrong.

Isn't it?

I was 6 months pregnant before I moved in with my (then) partner. We were in a long term committed relationship and having a baby together (admittedly unplanned). We both had different property issues due to location/negative equity which meant we didn't live together sooner but I definitely referred to him as my partner before we co habited. He was, we were a team but had different homes.

FYI we are now married. I don't think I was unreasonable to call him my partner, do you OP?

Partner to me means you're unmarried Not necessarily cohabitant

DH was my fiancée in six weeks and we lived together at weekends for two years before we got married an were able to be in the same city.

Since we it's many years ago and we were students, I guess we were BF/GF, but in modern terms he was my partner from the first day we were together.

"Sometimes, just sometimes, I think Helen Fielding really did have a point about "smug marrieds" I really do."

Bit the differences in usage has always confused me. Long before I even thought about getting married. What has my marital status got to do with anything?

And I certainly have much more of a partnership going with the man I'm "just dating" than a lot of marriages and cohabiting relationships I know, that's for certain!

OP what it has got to do with anything OP is all the people on here sayimg "I have a husband not a partner, thank you very much" in that grating kind of way. You know what I mean.

I naturally think long term partner you share bills with..

But I know a lot of younger people say it.. I think it makes them feel grown up

And please excuse the frothy-mouthed nature of my posts its's nothing to do with me having my first drink for weeks

Not always the case. Because say older people in their forties, fifties and so on might feel ridiculous saying boyfriend or girlfriend but they aren't husband and wife and might not even live together. So partner would seem a better choice. I'm not keen on the expression other half. I'm a whole person I hope and don't want another half!

My husband,sounds so wee wifey and subservient.yuk to ever saying my husband
My partner is the current bidey-in

"FYI we are now married. I don't think I was unreasonable to call him my partner, do you OP?"

No idea, i just wish there was more of a system that I could hope to understand. I don't like being unsure what the situation is or worrying that I will drop a clanger if i send separate invitations or a joint card.

I tend to use 'partner' when I'm unsure but then I sometimes refer to my husband as 'partner' too. It's a nice comradely term.

Much to his annoyance.

You seem somewhat hung up on a faux etiquette.there's no system
Partner,is an adequate term for ones lover who may or may not cohabitate

Of course individual arrangements vary, and always have done, whether publicly acknowledged or not. I'm not judging. I just want to contribute the word 'life-partner' that I've met in German-speaking countries to the debate. I think perhaps it might be a useful concept to separate private family life from business??

But I'm 'me' and always have been/will be, whether married or not. Surely most of us feel the same?

Maybe it also just sounds a bit-unromantic for that lovely stage before joint accounts and unblocking toilets Scottish

I think we should all just use lover actually.
Maybe if I introduced dh as my lover I would feel more romantically inclined toward him!

OP you seem to be the only one hung up on imposing your rules.

So, my significant other - am I allowed to call him DP?

Partner started off as a description for lesbian and gay people to describe their relationships when they were basically married - marriage in any form was illegal. Then it was taken up by long standing couples who were not married, but who felt boyfriend and girlfriend didn't describe their relationship e.g. lived together for 10 years with 2 kids. Since then it has spread to mean a wide range of sexual relationships.

Language use changes. If people want to use the term partner for a whole range of relationships, I don't see the issue. After all, if you were going to be pedantic, then it's original use was only for same sex relationships.

You make marriage sound like going to the knackers yard
Properly addressed cards,joint accounts,blogged cludgie
I'm contrary I like that partner annoys traditionalists

Meh. If you're that hung up about labels - just get married.

Or don't fuss.

And I am never impressed when people say I have a Husband not a partner. I don't care if you want me to refer to him as your Husband. But it is usually said in a tone that implies that having a Husband is a more superior state than having a partner. Which is rubbish

I bet your loo wouldn't dare block Scottish

I was on a thread partner upset she didn't receive post addressed mr&mrs
Err that's cause your unmarried.unlikely to receive mr&mrs mail unmarried
I like seeing the wee tsk smug marrieds make when they have to say partner

Exactly Grennie - that's what I ment by the "smug marrieds"

I have just phoned my BF / OH / DP / casual date to ranttell him about this thread. (FWIW he is at his home with his kids, I'm at home with mine). He said "I always call my girlfriend because it makes me feel young". Thanks for the support!

Interesting though that I had no idea what he called me. And cared even less

Bit please stop taking me the wrong way. Nobody could possibly read this and think I am trying to impose my rules. I don't have any.

I'm beginning to see that there aren't any.