...to think 'partner' means a cohabiting partner, not just boyfriend.

[fideline]

This has twice caused major confusion recently.

I realise most of the time it doesn't really matter much, but referring to someone you are 'just' dating as your partner is confusing wrong.

Isn't it?

Thank you Jupiter! My eyes have nearly rolled out of my head!!

AS it happens, I also have a husband (separated 6 years but not divorced). So I wonder how that fits into your blinkeredworld view OP?

There are so many circumstances when boyfriend or girlfriend sounds twee, especially if you are talking about someone you have been with for a number of years or someone who is not teens/twenties.
Partner is a bit more serious sounding.

I don't have a partner I have a husband. I think partner is a term for those to whom you aren't married; or those with whom you have a formal business relationship. Actually perhaps women would be better protected if they had something similar with emotional partners to whom they aren't married. My DH was my boyfriend before we got married - never my fiance (bleugh). We've been married for nearly 25 years and no I didn't live with him before we got married - we weren't apart from about our 3rd date but we maintained separate residences. Why let them have the key to the candy store before they make a commitment?

Yes, 'manshape' A few of my friends use it to refer to the men in their lives. It makes me want to whack them across the nose with a rolled up newspaper and say NO in a clear, firm voice.

I called DF my partner from day one as he is 19years older than me... And it just didn't feel right. I feel like a knobhead saying fiance now but it's nice

I like using the term 'boyfriend.' I still use it to refer to the person I live with (12 years and 3 children later).
It makes me smile to watch people's reactions to it. The secretary at my daughter's school nearly fainted when I said boyfriend. It's good to challenge stereotypes. Families come in all forms and should be valued whatever. And partner just doesn't sound right.

Fudge surely part of the point of these conventions is to indicate practical stuff to other people?

Like separate or joint christmas cards etc

Not to suggest some relationships have greater intrinsic value than others. Obviously it isn't the case that cohabiting relationships are automatically 'more special'.

*calling him my 'boyfriend' didn't feel right sorry. Every time I say fiance I feel I ought to be drinking tea with my little finger poking out

Hang on, I thought manshape was a joke.
Is it not? People use it?

I got the impression that OP meant partner should be used for longstanding, serious, committed relationships. It annoys her when a couple have been dating for a few months use that term.

I didn't get the impression she was judging couples who are very much committed but not living together etc.

ThursdayLast, yes, they really do. Apparently I'm not allowed to pelt them with ordure and rotten fruit.

BitOutOfPractice. I totally agree

YANBU.

I think in today's society there's a need to distinguish between a serious or not yet serious relationship, especially since more and more people choose not to get married but still form a family unit by having kids and staying together.

Referring to someone you have lived together with for 10 years and have DC together as a boyfriend sounds totally misleading, just like your 15 yo DD referring to her school yard boyfriend as a 'partner' would sound weird. Obviously there is a grey area between those two extremes which we could probably bicker about until the cows come home.

"Christ, not every woman who isn't still married to their childhood sweetheart is some kind of sad desperate spinster clinging desperatily to any man who passes by calling him "DP" you know.

Oooo I'm cross. As you may be able to tell!!"

Why are you cross?

I met my current husband when I was mid-thirties, he was my boyfriend until he moved in then he was my partner until we got married and now he's my husband.

Is that not normal?

Not sure where childhood sweethearts come in really

What Kiwibanana said. I doubt the OP meant to include long term relationships. just the ones who think that 1 week=serious relationship!

"*calling him my 'boyfriend' didn't feel right sorry. Every time I say fiance I feel I ought to be drinking tea with my little finger poking out grin"

Ha, me too ChrisMoose. Couldn't bring myself to use it even once. Though DH did Lots

Yes. Thankyou Kiwi and Queens that is exactly what I meant

I started referring to my boyfriend as my partner as we got older, we'd been together 10 years and people seemed to assume I was talking about a bloke I'd been seeing for a couple of weeks rather than the man I was making a long term commitment to.

I think generally partner should mean a cohabiting partner - although of course there will be occasions where that's not the case. Equally you might live with someone more due to circumstance than joint purpose (as initially I did with my Ex) and still feel they are more a boyfriend, and refer to them as such (as I did, until we got engaged).

I do find the whole thing of calling some random you've known for a few weeks your partner or referring to him as your kid's stepdad (both which crimes I have seen all over FB recently) more than a little wrong. Someone I know is on their 3rd 'partner' this year. Pathetic.

I often refer to him as my old man. Because he's old it makes people laugh.

"Yes Imp - that too. When it's used like that it smacks a bit of clinginess desperation"

" referring to someone you are 'just' dating as your partner"

It was quotes like this that made me infer that you did, indeed think that "cohabiting relationships are automatically 'more special'."

Like we somehow have to earn the title "partner" by fitting into your narrow criteria when you have no idea whatsoever of our personal circumstances or history.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I think Helen Fielding really did have a point about "smug marrieds" I really do.

I think the term can be applied however people want to apply it.

Like a lot of previous posters, DP and I did not live together until a long time into our relationship. Nearly six years actually. However he became my partner after about 18 months, when we knew we were in it for the long haul.

I'd be quite if a couple who'd moved in together after a couple of months felt they were more 'partners' than we were after 6 years, tbh. I realise it's unusual to not live together after such a long time (with plenty of friends meeting & marrying whilst we still hadn't managed to move in together!) But to me it's about seriousness/ longevity.

Also I wanted to make a distinction between teenage boyfriends and my grown-up relationship. I had boyfriends when I was 15. This relationship, with a joint bank account & trips to ikea, is quite different to all that! :)

The whole area is a minefield. Agree that you can't take boyfriend and girlfriend seriously when you are knocking on 65 - just ridiculous. Also hate the word partner as I have business partners too. (Introducing my female business partner as my partner has people looking enquiringly at me and wondering whether this is me saying I am gay). If I say I am single - it sounds as if I am saying AVAILABLE.

As another poster has said - it is not about defining a relationship, whichever word you choose it is just shorthand for communicating that there is a connection. After initial intros surely you just use His name!