AIBU to be pissed off at friend not helping me with job application?

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

I have an interview for a very exciting new job.

When the job advert came up, I immediately emailed it to one of my close friends who actually did the job of my potential future boss, but when she applied for a promotion, she didn't get it and left the company.

She initially didn't respond to my email, and then when prompted, was extremely negative. She told me that I would hate the job, it's not what I want, and launched into a rant about how badly they treated her over the promotion.

I applied anyway, and I now have an interview. I wasn't going to mention it to the negative friend, since she had been so unsupportive. However, it then occurred to me that in having a friend who has actually done this job, I have a huge advantage over anyone else and I really should try and tap into her knowledge a bit more.

So I sent her a message on Facebook to tell her that I have an interview (hooray!) and told her I hoped she might be able to give me some pointers, and insider knowledge about the company etc.

I had no reply from her, despite seeing that she has since been active on Facebook. I know sometimes Facebook messaging isn't always the most reliable so I sent her an email yesterday. No reply.

I realize I might be a little insensitive here though, since my friend is clearly still feeling bitter about not getting the job promotion (18 months ago) and might not want reminding of it, and hearing about the lady who did get the job might sting a little. I should add though that she subsequently got a really good job, claimed she never really wanted the first job anyway, and really ought to be happy with her lot.

A bit of background on our friendship - we have been friends for 9 years, having worked together previously. We moved apart physically as I took another job and moved city, but we have always stayed in close contact. I saw her recently at a mutual friend's wedding, so it's not as if we are no longer close. Her career is progressing better than mine, so it's not as if she should be jealous of me at all.

So, do I persevere since she really could help me a lot and her insight will give me a huge advantage over the other applicants? (I should add that this job is a rare opportunity, and I really want it badly.)

Or do I give up on her, and accept that I might have been insensitive to have asked in the first place?

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

In fairness OP, this is one of only two threads associated with your user name. Not a lot to go on

Just the one actually, I namechanged for this because I was afraid of being outed.

But that illustrates my point exactly - you cannot judge someone from what they write in one thread. People have accused me of 'Not meaning what I just wrote' or of saying one thing but meaning another.

How the hell can anyone assume they know anything about what I mean or don't mean?

I can assure you I am being 100% truthful in what I have written here, I haven't held back any relevant information on this situation. And yet some people are still so quick to assume I am being disingenuous.

It's quite upsetting really.

[TheToysAreALIVEITellThee]

What are you upset about OP?

Youve got an interview for your dream job, your friend who doesn't like the company, is reluctant to help you get the job, so you will have to brush up for it on your own.

Its barely even a problem

[Beeyump]

Kicking you when you're down? Um, what?

I have read through the whole thread, and come away slightly awed by your tenacious qualities, but also quite glad I don't know you. I just don't really understand what you were expecting from your acquaintance.

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

'Like minded'? Do you mean that you only really wanted to discuss this with people that agreed with you? (real question).

No not at all, if you read the thread you will see that I have discussed this with lots of people who have told me I was wrong.

By 'like minded' I meant in general. I agree with so much of what people post on here (although I just admit I usually stay away from AIBU!) that I thought I'd get some sensible discussion.

And I have done - I don't want to disparage many of the sensible posters on here who have offered some really useful advice and reflection.

But bloody hell there are some real arseholes on AIBU ready to jump down people's throats and throw the accusations around aren't there!

[Balaboosta]

Did you learn anything about yourself today OP? Anything at all? (Serious question.)

[Beeyump]

Also, you don't seem to gain much from your relationship with her, and maybe doubtless it's the same for her. Just let it slide, dude.

[glasgowsteven]

Draw a line, write her off! :)

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

You are being pretty rude, actually. Obviously it doesn't excuse someone calling you a twat. But you're repeating things over and over, and making sly digs at anyone who disagrees. It's unnecessary.

If you wanted a nice cuddly thread you could have said 'I feel really nervous about a job application, please reassure me'. Instead you asked for opinions. I know sometimes threads go a way you didn't expect, but I think if you come back to this later and re-read, you'll be wincing at yourself.

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

Kicking you when you're down? Um, what? - Sorry Beeyump I can't expect people to know what else is going on with me. But I thought it was clear that I was upset at how my friend has behaved (rightly or wrongly!) and that I'm feeling quite insecure about this job and just needed her reassurance.

I just don't really understand what you were expecting from your acquaintance I guess in the first instance, for her to be happy for me. I haven't put the full details about my discussion with her on here, but she really was quite vicious, and not at all supportive in any way. I suppose I hoped that she would be happy that I had an interview and would want to help me.

I realize many on here feel that I am unreasonable to hope that a friend would feel like that but there we go.

[TheToysAreALIVEITellThee]

I too am in awe little, and also praying that its not the company I work for that op has applied to.

[eeetheygrowupsofast]

Oh my gosh, I have rarely come across an OP who has given me such curled toes and a headache. You are actually quite exhausting.

By the way you've said quite a few negative things about your 'friend' which she very probably picks up on in RL - as something tells me subtlety ain't your style!

[Chippednailvarnish]

Procrastination Is My Middle Name

Yep, sure is.

[Beeyump]

If she was vicious, why on earth try and get interview tips from her? (Or whatever it was you wanted.) Sorry if you are having a difficult time with other stuff.

[ADishBestEatenCold]

"if you read the thread "

Oh, but I have. In fact, I've stuck to it like glue! (Should be working, so feeling a bit guilty )

"you will see that I have discussed this with lots of people"

I've got to be honest here and say I haven't seen a massive amount of 'discussion' on your part, certainly not in terms of lots of different points. Mostly just the same point of view over and over. (I did, however, see you take on board a few things, for example, agreeing with Select that you should apologise to your 'friend', but it didn't ring very true when you then said you would put it off a few days).

"But bloody hell there are some real arseholes on AIBU ready to jump down people's throats and throw the accusations around aren't there!"

In relation to this thread? No, I can't say I've seen a lot of that here.

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

Obviously it doesn't excuse someone calling you a twat - I was once called a cunt on a thread about horses. It happens. One of the things that makes MN so very different from real life.

By the way you've said quite a few negative things about your 'friend' which she very probably picks up on in RL - as something tells me subtlety ain't your style! - I don't know, I hold back a lot in RL and would never say any of this to my friend, of course. But yeah, she may sense when my patience has worn thin, and so yes she might have decided not to help me because she doesn't like me.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Btw, it is extremely hard to cope with stuff like this:

I sent one facebook message and one follow up email.

So, yes, I sent 4 messages. But only two about the latest issue

I have sent ONE message to her FB and one real email. How is that 'literally hammering'??

I have talked to her extensively about her experiences there, including during this latest conversation.

or indeed with contradictions like these:

... all the flame throwers from the beginning of the thread...

You obviously consider yourself a nice person, to kick someone when they are down.

I am certain I have not been rude to anyone on this thread. Which is more than I can say for other's. Name calling is not my thing.

bloody hell there are some real arseholes on AIBU

I mean ... come on!

[Chippednailvarnish]

Thetoys I did actually think thank fuck we're not recruiting!

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

Procrastination Is My Middle Name

Yep, sure is.

Chose that username carefully

[TheToysAreALIVEITellThee]

Chipped - we are recruiting, for the discipline and level OP mentions

[Chippednailvarnish]

Thetoys my sympathies.

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

Sorry LRD I'm really not trying to get into an argument with you.

The first lot of stuff you have highlighted, yes I see how that is really confusing! I was literally shaking with anger when I wrote that, so apologies if I wasn't clear.

I was just trying to make the point, when someone accused me of 'literally hammering' her with messages, that I have in fact only sent two messages about the job interview.

[Beeyump]

I just don't think you should be getting to 'literally shaking with anger' levels over this.

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

It was being called a twat that did it, I was feeling rather ganged up on

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I can understand that, proc. But it wasn't clear. It's also not clear with the insults. I get that you obviously are extremely upset, but I think you're not really helping yourself here.

People started off quite mildly and you seem to be doing all you can to provoke a fight, even down to protesting when the thread got too quiet and nice for you.

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

Sorry, just getting to the second bit of LRDs message

'Flame throwers' and 'arseholes on AIBU' - yes, name calling, I get it. But that's a bit different than directly calling me a twat and a shit friend, and I think a cow. But not yet a Cunt. There's still time and levels of personal attack yet to be reached!