AIBU to be pissed off at friend not helping me with job application?

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

I have an interview for a very exciting new job.

When the job advert came up, I immediately emailed it to one of my close friends who actually did the job of my potential future boss, but when she applied for a promotion, she didn't get it and left the company.

She initially didn't respond to my email, and then when prompted, was extremely negative. She told me that I would hate the job, it's not what I want, and launched into a rant about how badly they treated her over the promotion.

I applied anyway, and I now have an interview. I wasn't going to mention it to the negative friend, since she had been so unsupportive. However, it then occurred to me that in having a friend who has actually done this job, I have a huge advantage over anyone else and I really should try and tap into her knowledge a bit more.

So I sent her a message on Facebook to tell her that I have an interview (hooray!) and told her I hoped she might be able to give me some pointers, and insider knowledge about the company etc.

I had no reply from her, despite seeing that she has since been active on Facebook. I know sometimes Facebook messaging isn't always the most reliable so I sent her an email yesterday. No reply.

I realize I might be a little insensitive here though, since my friend is clearly still feeling bitter about not getting the job promotion (18 months ago) and might not want reminding of it, and hearing about the lady who did get the job might sting a little. I should add though that she subsequently got a really good job, claimed she never really wanted the first job anyway, and really ought to be happy with her lot.

A bit of background on our friendship - we have been friends for 9 years, having worked together previously. We moved apart physically as I took another job and moved city, but we have always stayed in close contact. I saw her recently at a mutual friend's wedding, so it's not as if we are no longer close. Her career is progressing better than mine, so it's not as if she should be jealous of me at all.

So, do I persevere since she really could help me a lot and her insight will give me a huge advantage over the other applicants? (I should add that this job is a rare opportunity, and I really want it badly.)

Or do I give up on her, and accept that I might have been insensitive to have asked in the first place?

[ADishBestEatenCold]

"I was literally shaking with anger when I wrote that"

Oh god, this is not good.

I think I'm off now.

[Beeyump]

I don't believe you, Dish

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Oh, for goodness' sake.

Grow up.

Report the 'twat' comment if it bothers you so much, and stop fishing for someone to call you a cunt.

[ViviPru]

I think you've had a bit of a rough time on this thread, OP, which surprises me as often on threads that go this way I usually err on the side of the majority who are getting exasperated with the OPs replies and there are several posters here who I usually concur with.

I do see this from your POV, but I also agree with Beeyump's posts which in the main urge perspective.

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

OK I see that this thread has now veered a long way off the original topic, which was about an issue I had with my friend.

I have had some good discussion with some helpful people on here, thank you. I do intend to apologize to my friend given an appropriate length of time (don't want to bombard her)

I still feel that I should be able to expect some level of loyalty from her, and am disappointed that she hasn't given me any. But I don't expect any of you to agree with me, that's ok.

Don't worry TheToys I have no intention of coming to work anywhere near you any time soon.

[eeetheygrowupsofast]

Ok I'd walk away from this thread OP because it's feeding into your dog with a bone, possibly compulisve, tendencies.

You've replied in a similar vein for 7 pages - people are telling you how you come across and you are not listening. You are doing to respondents on here what you seem to do in real life.

Hide the thread and have a think to what the majority of posters have said - as I don't think it's doing you much good to keep posting again and again like this.

Good luck with job.

[Pumpkinpositive]

You have variously described your "friend" as vicious, grudge bearing, unsupportive, bitter, undeserving of promotion and having left every job she's ever had under a bad cloud.

You were being unreasonable, to the point of delusional, to expect someone who nurses grudges for 20 years to be "happy" for you and supportive in these circumstances.

[BelleateSebastian]

I'm glad you're not my mate .... you really don't seem to have much respect for her do you?

[ViviPru]

Pumpkin Makes a good point. I wondered that myself. Surely you can't be that surprised at her reaction, OP? She doesn't sound especially mature and emotionally stable?

[expatinscotland]

150 posts and it's still All About You (and how great you are).

Let's hope she sees you for what you are, too.

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

You are doing to respondents on here what you seem to do in real life. I didn't realise you knew me in real life eee

Vivi and pumpkin - yes you're right. Absolutely. And I was naive to be surprised really.

expat not sure what else we can talk about, on a thread that I started, about a problem that I'm having - do you want to talk about you?

[TheToysAreALIVEITellThee]

OP you have absolutely no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that.

Although as you have no idea where I work it might just happen.

Our interviews are next week. I hope yours isn't, there have been more than enough coincidences mentioned already for my liking.

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

It's ok Thetoys I have changed a few details about the job so as not to be identifiable.

[Chloerose75]

I know everyone else has already told you but YABVU! You come across as so brash, using, insensitive and always me me me. Don't like the way you are slagging off your friend and getting arsey with her for not being at your beck and call as soon as you want something from her. You need to take a look at yourself.

[Chippednailvarnish]

LRD "fishing" sums this thread up perfectly, I've pretty much thought what you have posted word for word.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Yeah, seems there's a few of us in agreement. Funny that.

[expatinscotland]

Still banging on. Here is hoping she finds this thread, all you have done is slag her off on the Internet. What a friend.

[aquashiv]

Op don't base your decision on what your friend has to say, especially as you know she wasn't happy there.

Go and interview them, then decide if you want to work there for yourself.

Stop biting you post on this and you know that there are some that will eat you alive.

[HopefulHamster]

You're not her friend. You've slagged her off so much for simply exercising a perfectly reasonable choice.

It's just horrible.

[scarletforya]

But that's a bit different than directly calling me a twat and a shit friend

Think about it. You're telling us she's been a bad friend, but then you get all offended when we point out the same thing about you!

[Pheonixisrising]

i think you need to apologies to your friend now , why put it off ?

I hope you get the job , but you need to listen to how you have come across on here

[SelectAUserName]

I still feel that I should be able to expect some level of loyalty from her, and am disappointed that she hasn't given me any

The same level of loyalty that she could expect from you, i.e. not to be bad-mouthed across the Internet?

[TheArticFunky]

Perhaps she is just busy and hasn't responded because she doesn't feel she has anything useful to add and doesn't really have the time to discuss.

I used to work as a recruitment consultant and was always helping friends and relatives with job applications and interview prep. Sometimes I didn't always reply as quickly as they would have liked because I was busy and helping could sometimes be quite time consuming.

I would wait to hear from her before you reassess her friendship you don't know what's going on in her life right now.

[ProcrastinationIsMyMiddleName]

Thank you aquashiv some good advice there.

And TheArtic you're right, she may well just not have had time yet. I should give her the benefit of the doubt.

Thank you

[HelloBoys]

Good god. I've met some people in my time but rarely have I met someone so inconsiderate of someone else's feelings and so egocentric and needy. Not to mention impatient.

OP I wouldn't call you a twat or anything else, I don't think you really are that bad. But I'd urge you to think about this friend and friendship. Oh and after all your griping about your friend's previous jobs she now has one she's happy in, some peo