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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ok so I posted earlier but I've now had to call the police...

295 replies

MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 17:14

I posted earlier about my ExH taking pictures from my FB page and putting them on his, he tagged his girlfriend of 2 weeks in them etc etc...

I have just been to pick up my DD from nursery to be told than a woman fitting his new girlfriends description tried to collect DD from nursery. They called me but I was already on my way and told them I would deal with it, they refused to release my DD (obviously) and waited on me.

She was gone by the time i got there and have called 101 once I was home.

This bizarre behaviour seems to be escalating and I'm getting worried. I know where the woman is right now and tbh I'm trying my best to stay calm and not go to her and go through her like a ton of bricks.

Has anyone been in this position? I'm really struggling to sit tight right now.

OP posts:
Ilovewaleswhenitrains · 25/02/2014 21:24

What an awful thing to experience. I am glad the nursery acted the way they did. Hugs to the two of you.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 25/02/2014 21:25

Did they actually say not to send her there tomorrow?

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 25/02/2014 21:36

They have no choice legally re relwasing to ex unless there is a residency order and a prohibitive steps order.

He is her dad with PR on paper - its not attempted abduction because sonekne with pr gave permission.

Get to court and apply for both.

RestingActress · 25/02/2014 21:41

Weekends - presumably though the nursery wouldn't just take anyone's word for it, though. Like Reindeer said, he would have to prove who he was and that he had PR, otherwise anyone could roll up and demand to take any child.

jamtoast12 · 25/02/2014 21:45

I guess he can easily request a birth cert then show ID?

WorraLiberty · 25/02/2014 21:47

The OP says the nursery knows who he is Resting

But I agree, that doesn't make them automatically know that he has PR unless he proves it.

Timeforabiscuit · 25/02/2014 21:53

OP have you managed to eat anything? You must be running on empty and adrenalin by now.

I really hope the Police are able to give you an update soon, but I suspect its going to be a long haul - could you go round your mums tomorrow or a friends to keep you centred?

BTW - I think you're incredibly strong handling this, please take care of yourself as the shock kicks in.

Electryone · 25/02/2014 21:53

Has he ever tried anything like this before? It really is bizarre.

ZanyMobster · 25/02/2014 21:56

We had a similar situation at a pre school I ran, legally if a parent still has PR then they can collect them however we would just say 'oh sorry we were told mum was collecting today, we will just call her to say not to Perry's and he would quickly disappear. He had form for not returning the dcs after contact etc and regularly tried to pick them up on days he wasn't supposed to.

So sorry you are going through this, I hope the police get back to you soon.

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 21:57

It's not something I've ever thought about. I guess without actual proof of who he is they couldn't actually release her. All that's been said is that if it's necessary the police will be called to remove him from the grounds. I'm going to contact the solictor that handled my divorce tomorrow to see what they advise.

Thanks timesforabiscuit no I haven't, hadn't even thought about it. Will go and make some toast.

He has never tried anything before. He has never wanted anything to do with DD really.

OP posts:
Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 21:59

The police said, we advise that you keep xxxx with you. For the next 24 hours it wouldn't be advisable for her to attend nursery or stay with friends/family (I mentioned I was meant to be working tomorrow)

I have phoned my boss and they have given me an emergency family care day tomorrow and will extend the leave if necessary.

I've got past the stage of being angry right now, I'm just really upset. I don't know what to do and feel like a sitting duck.

OP posts:
TheGreatHunt · 25/02/2014 22:00

My nursery would neveret someone pick up ds wuthoht my permission or dh's as we are both named carers. Does your nursery have a policy like this? Waving a birth certificate meansnkthing to them.

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 22:04

I'm not sure. I'm going to ring and speak to the manager tomorrow and find out exactly what the situation is with regards to this.

I don't even feel safe sending her to nursery anymore just in case what I thought was wrong.

Will look into all avenues and options tomorrow. Hopefully I'll get some kind of update from the police too so will understand the situation better myself too.

OP posts:
Icantstopeatinglol · 25/02/2014 22:09

Ah op I really feel for you, I can only imagine how worried you must be! By the sounds of it though the nursery have been great. I would maybe ring them first thing and let them know what's going on (police involvement etc).
Hope the police come back to you soon to give you some news to put your mind at ease a bit.

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 22:12

My friend who works there knows what's going on, she is in charge of my daughters room.

I will ring anyway to speak to the owner or manager, whoever is there.

OP posts:
londonrach · 25/02/2014 22:12

Awful. Please close your facebook account now. If you still want fb you can Make up another with a new name and give to friends only and never put photos on again. Hope dd ok. X

Snuppeline · 25/02/2014 22:12

Wow what an awful situation!

OP, did you in your previous post hint at feeling odd about pictures disappearing from Facebook after your other thread? Is there a chance they know your on mumsnet? If so be careful with what you disclose.

Please do get legal advise tomorrow and stress the urgency.

The Police odd look and asking you to keep DD close could be nothing but if, as pp have said, he can claim PR they might be worried he will try collecting her himself next. Or they just want to be able to contact you easily tomorrow. Personally I'd think the worst and organize accordingly (lock up properly, stay indoors with DD, have people you trust over).

If you got a reference number phone 101 and say you have questions after the police visit and can they advise you further. They probably can't say anything about the woman but you may get a more forthright bit of advise.

Have you got the woman's full name? Can you google to see if anything comes up? Any way you could get some information about her and why the SS took her children before? Dodgy as fuck for your XH to appear to want contact after getting together with this woman. Horrible situation and very scary, I feel for you.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 25/02/2014 22:20

A residency order does not stop a parent with PR collecting a child from school, you need a prohibited steps or none mol for that

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 22:30

Thanks needsasock I will mention that tomorrow when I phone.

Snuppeline I wouldn't have thought they would know about mumsnet to be honest. He is computer illiterate and she doesn't even know me Confused

I have arranged to stay with a friend for a couple of days at his, he is a completely separate friend who has no ties to any of my others or the place I live although it's not too far so police can still visit if needed.

The police left a card so will keep that with me too.

I do have her full name, have just had a quick look at google but nothing comes up.

OP posts:
Timeforabiscuit · 25/02/2014 22:31

The toast might taste like cardboard but eat it anyway.

You can't get much in motion now, but maybe have a bloody good cry, warm milky drink and a half decent nights sleep and be ready for tiger mum mode in the morning.

If you're feeling sketchy/panicky before bedtime, keep a notepad by your bed so if you wake in the night you can note down what your brains offloading.

Wishing you every strength

Timeforabiscuit · 25/02/2014 22:34

Really good news that you can stay elsewhere for a few days. Smile

Marcipex · 25/02/2014 22:41

This may be wrong, but I work in a nursery and the rule is that we only release children to the people named in our registration forms.

So your ex may have PR but we still would not let him collect if you say not to. This is because our contract is with you ,the parent who registered the child with us.

We have had to invoke this policy with a parent who wanted to collect a child and the mother said no.
It's interesting that according to several posters, we would not have grounds for this. I don't know who is correct, but I know what we actually do here.

Best of luck, I really feel for you.

coco44 · 25/02/2014 22:47

I can't understand what the police can do? He is just as much her parent as you are,?

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 22:50

coco it wasn't him it was his girlfriend!

And sorry but no he fucking isn't as much a parent as what I am. Really? I raise my child, I love my child, I protect and look after MY child. He does none of that. she may share 50% of his DNA but that does not make what he does equal to what I do.

OP posts:
RevoltInParadise · 25/02/2014 22:51

What a horrible situation. Wishing you all the best.

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