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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ok so I posted earlier but I've now had to call the police...

295 replies

MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 17:14

I posted earlier about my ExH taking pictures from my FB page and putting them on his, he tagged his girlfriend of 2 weeks in them etc etc...

I have just been to pick up my DD from nursery to be told than a woman fitting his new girlfriends description tried to collect DD from nursery. They called me but I was already on my way and told them I would deal with it, they refused to release my DD (obviously) and waited on me.

She was gone by the time i got there and have called 101 once I was home.

This bizarre behaviour seems to be escalating and I'm getting worried. I know where the woman is right now and tbh I'm trying my best to stay calm and not go to her and go through her like a ton of bricks.

Has anyone been in this position? I'm really struggling to sit tight right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 17:34

I swear I'm so angry and so upset. The nursery doesn't have CCTV but one of my school friends is the manager of DDs room and she is going to speak to the police too.

We both live in the same village so he knows where she goes to nursery.

The only reason they never rang the police was because I was 5 minutes away and was able to collect DD and phone the police myself.

OP posts:
RalphLaurenLover · 25/02/2014 17:35

Is there a link to your previous post OP?

Btw My lo's dad did tried something like this I pulled my LO out the nursery/creche but we had safe words that only I would know and I picked a safeword for each person I nominated to pick LO up so if he ever managed to get past that I'd know who did it!

Try that? I'd be tearing her apart if that was me. Why do people have to be so strange!

Logg1e · 25/02/2014 17:35

Meep I think it would cause more of a fuss if you say, "some woman tried to collect my daughter from nursery. Nobody was collecting her but me, I've checked it wasn't my mum being confused about days etc. I haven't a clue who it was, I think this woman is dangerous and we need to find out who she is before she does manage to take a child".

rather than,

"my ex's girlfriend tried to collect my daughter from nursery".

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 17:39

link to last post

OP posts:
Scrounger · 25/02/2014 17:41

Meep, I'm wouldn't follow Logg1e's advice.

Tell them straight, it may be her and why you think so but you aren't entirely sure. Explain that he has no contact with her and no parental rights. The police can then visit your ex and his girlfriend and deal with it so that it doesn't happen again.

If you say it is 'some woman' I think that it is wasting police time trying to track someone down when you have a fair idea who it is. I'm not saying that this isn't serious, it is, but get the police focused on where they should be.

Finola1step · 25/02/2014 17:42

What a horrible experience for you. But, I would advise against moving your dd from her nursery. It takes very little to find out which nursery/school a child attends especially if you live in the same village. Your dd's nursery have proved that they have got the appropriate measures in place. They know the background and will be on high alert. This is the safest nursery for her to be in. Not a brand new one, where all the staff do not know her or you.

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 17:43

Logg1e you're probably right. I know this woman has had her own children removed from her care (they are no 18+ a live with her though)

My friend is on her way down and it is taking every ounce of willpower not to go to her right now and wring her neck.

I can take people trying to fuck with me (little bit of rage but calm down fairly quick) but someone trying to take my daughter. That has made me see red.

It's day's like this I'm glad there is Mumsnet because if I didn't have this to do I would be getting ready to leave.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 25/02/2014 17:43

That's just so weird

Why would you try to pick up a child you've never even met?

VelvetGecko · 25/02/2014 17:44

What you're describing sounds like attempted abduction by a complete stranger. I would be wanting charges brought, you've plenty witnesses, and maybe a restraining order. Might be an idea to turn up early for the next few sessions, see if she tries it again.

harriet247 · 25/02/2014 17:44

Thats pretty sinister meep! You need to stress to the police that it would be abduction not a domestic etc etc

VivaLeBeaver · 25/02/2014 17:44

I think you need to be honest with the police that you suspect who it is but explain you don't know her and ex has no contact. Otherwise how will they ever find who it was? They'll still take it seriously.

Also think about setting up a "password" for dd at nursery that anyone picking her up has to know.

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 17:44

Yes you are right I will tell them who it is. I think I already did on the phone anyway. Was so angry I can hardly remember the conversation.

OP posts:
harriet247 · 25/02/2014 17:44

Definitely restraining order.

uselessinformation · 25/02/2014 17:48

The girlfriend can't pick up your child without your permission, but unfortunately your ex can because you were married when your child was born and therefore he has parental responsibility. Therefore the nursery can't stop him from taking her and the police can only advise him to bring her home. That is unless you have some sort of court order. So be very careful.

RestingActress · 25/02/2014 17:49

You are completely right to be raging, I'm so glad the nursery were on the ball and didn't release your DD.

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 17:49

I will be honest with them. They are the only people that can really help right now. There is a safe word at nursery however it is never used as they know who I am and who my Mum is (the only two people that have ever collected or dropped off)

OP posts:
glenthebattleostrich · 25/02/2014 17:49

Yes, ring and get a solicitors appointment asap. I'd also stick with your nursery, they are really on the ball and sound really supportive.

What a horrible thing to happen. Have a nice glass of Wine

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 17:52

I know 100% the nursery will not release my DD into his care. Law or not it won't happen.

I don't want to move nursery. Not unless I physically move city, which is becoming more tempting.

OP posts:
RalphLaurenLover · 25/02/2014 17:56

useless is right, he has PR because you were married at the time of the birth however they can ring you and tell you he's there and ask you to come and 'delay' releasing her

BlackeyedSusan · 25/02/2014 17:59

look into getting residency on the grounds that you think they have tried to take her.

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 18:00

Just received an email. All pictures have been removed too.

OP posts:
Original poster
MeepMeepVrooom · 25/02/2014 18:01

I will look at residency. I've never needed it because he has never bothered but will look into it now. Plus an interim interdict. Police just rang, will be here by about 19.30. At least the little one will be in bed.

OP posts:
RalphLaurenLover · 25/02/2014 18:02

That's great Meep

I'd inform the police he's recently taken photo's off her off your FB and tagged his girlfriend in them they've now been removed however she knows what your DD looks like. I'd then file an emergency court order for residence and a restraining order including your DD

LEMmingaround · 25/02/2014 18:02

Gosh, you are good - i'd have flattened the woman! Seriously though, you are doing the right thing - calm, dignified and police! Thank-God the nursery didn't let her go, good for them!

HadABadDay2014 · 25/02/2014 18:03

I think it would be wise to get a residency order.

He has PR and there is nothing the nursery can do to prevent him from picking her up. He has the same rights as you do. If the father has given permission for his girlfriend to pick her up the police can't do anything either.

You really need to see a solicitor to get a court to get full custody and residency sorted.