To be a bit miffed at this phone conversation I overheard DP having?

[crispyporkbelly]

Wasn't eavesdropping btw, was in next room.

'That's what I miss, mate, the chase, getting dressed up...trying your chances, seeing what's out there...ah I envy you, I envy you'

His friend must have then said, well actually you're lucky because he said 'Yeah you're right, yeah true'

AIBU to be a bit and about this? Given that he has a great life, a beautiful ds, cooked for everyday, clean house etc? Wtf is he complaining about. Feel like clouting him around the head.

[crispyporkbelly]

I think he's remembering things very romantically as he wasn't very good at the chase either. I met him online and it seems he did online dating quite a bit before me, hardly a chase really. He's really not one of those guys to chase women, he's quite reserved around women, not a chancer or anything.

I'm definitely not going to be whiny about it I will ask him if he meant it and if it indicates he isn't that happy with me.

I reminisce on the fun stuff pre-dcs etc but to be honest I'm more excited about what's to come. I hope he is too because I want to be with someone who is excited about our family growing and changing.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

Along the lines of 'how exciting for you to be ready and looking to date again, what fun!'

That's not similar

Similar would be "I'm so fucking jealous that you can go on the pull. Man, I can't wait to be doing that again."

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

I'm more excited about what's to come. I hope he is too because I want to be with someone who is excited about our family growing and changing.

With you there, OP, 100%

[bertiesgal]

Just discussed this with DH and we both agree that although we'd be a little put out to hear the other say it, it's perfectly natural to look back with nostalgia. I would never swap what I have now for the thrill of the chase but it doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy it at the time. He envies the chap because he has no intention of doing it. My advice would be not to dwell on it and definitely have a lovely date night if you possibly can. Being out on the town with the man that you love is the most fun in the world and the repetitiveness of normal life can make you forget that. I'm off to book a babysitter (my mum) for us to have a night of wine and lovely food instead of purees and breastfeeding the baby.

[bodybooboo]

join seriously I think you must be either bringing your own baggage here or have absolutely nonsense of humour.

we have been married for 25 years and have been together for 32 years. I adore dh and he me.

we have this kind of banter with our friends and each other. it's called a light joke.

yes we do play marry, snog avoid! it stops the tediousness if the weekly shop.

I think you said to me that if you were ever that devoid of conversation you would join an enclosed order.

well me and dh could recall the slow lingering death of his parents, or the fatal school trip crash that dd survived with serious injuries but hey no rather not really.

if I heard my dh day this I would have known he was joking. waltz in and ask him is it saddos pick up night at the club as in that case they would both pull.

if op took this seriously then she obviously doesn't trust her dh and that's a separate issue.

how absolutely boring life must be to be always telling each other how wonderful our lives are and how we worship each other.. that should be in the bag.

[crispyporkbelly]

Yeah it's not similar, I agree. You didn't say oooh I really envy you, I miss chasing guys

[crispyporkbelly]

It's not that I don't trust him, I do. I just hate to think of him sitting there missing his old life while I'm busting my hump bringing up our son and looking after everyone.

[nevergoogle]

well perhaps it's in the wording. but there is a possibility that his intention was to encourage rather than say he wishes he was single.

[bodybooboo]

crispy I imagine he will be incredulous that you even have to ask him if he's a good man and laugh with you.

[TheScience]

What's wrong with missing some things about your old life? There are loads of things I miss, including going out, being chatted up, even one night stands! Doesn't mean I would swap what I have now though or that I'm not happy with my life.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

What's wrong with missing some things about your old life?

It's so negative and backward looking.

If you miss them so much, why not go back to doing them?

Life moves on and constant regret that the past is past is incredibly boring and depressing to be around.

Not to mention that actually ENVYING people who can do those things now says terrible things about how happy you are now.

If he's that envious, why should the OP stand in his way of filling his boots with going on the pull and finding out "what's out there"?

I would not be bothered being the thing that stood between a man and all the things he missed most in life.

[TheScience]

I find that viewpoint pretty hysterical tbh.

I miss lots of things - spontaneous weekends away, spending all day in bed, disposable income, parties that go on for days. No one is "standing in my way" of going back to that though, what a miserable way to view a relationship/family!

It's possible to both fondly remember the past and enjoy your present.

[HelpfulChap]

Almost certain to be him being supportive of his mate. I imagine his mate is newly single & probably envious of your DHs home set up & he was reciprocating - try to make him feel better.

I have said similar myself 'never mind mate, you can go to the pub whenever you want now' etc etc. I dont mean it for a minute though.

[bodybooboo]

join your posts are so depressing and sad I find them hard to hear.

I loved being a nurse but have it up to be a sahm. doesn't mean I cant recall that time with happiness or pride.

I love my dh. doesn't mean I can't have a nostalgic giggle about previous relationships.

recalling the past and your feelings about it dies not mean for one second that you arnt happy now or fulfilled.

my main concern for the op here isn't her dhs words at all as feel they were clearly a chat to an old mate and a laugh but rather her lack of really knowing his feelings and a reluctance to communicate with her own dh.

that's the problem not a bit of clearly lighthearted banter to a mate.

[shewhowines]

If I really enjoyed a large bar of fruit and nut chocolate last week, but I had in my cupboard an even bigger and better bar of Galaxy, can I not then say to my friend, I am envious of her large bar of fruit and nut that she is talking about.

Or is that backward thinking and negative?

Given the choice I would stick with my galaxy but I liked the fruit and nut too.

[bodybooboo]

often day to my 4 kids, now 2 grown up, when you all bugger off we will have a party and celebrate!!

I don't actually mean I actually will ffs.

( well I might) thats a joke by the way

[TheScience]

I can just imagine reminiscing over a bottle of wine with mum friends about our former single lives and Join doing catsbum face - "oh no, I love my husband and children"

[Crowler]

I can just imagine reminiscing over a bottle of wine with mum friends about our former single lives and Join doing catsbum face - "oh no, I love my husband and children"

No, it's not like that. He said he envied his single friend. That's totally different from reminiscing about the golden 20's days.

[TheScience]

So? If a single friend tells me about something fun/some amazing holiday/party/gorgeous new bloke they have their eye on I might well say "lucky you, I'm so jealous" - that doesn't translate to "I want to abandon my children and shag the next stranger I meet".

[Crinkle77]

I think you are reading too much in to it. I used to love the single life and I too look back and think how great it was but I wouldn't want to go back to it. I don't have kids and sometimes my friends with children are envious of me and say something like 'you're so lucky to be able to go out and not have to get up with the kids the next day'. It doesn't mean they don't want their kids or don't love them. They wouldn't swop their lives for the world but it's just a saying.

[Crowler]

So? If a single friend tells me about something fun/some amazing holiday/party/gorgeous new bloke they have their eye on I might well say "lucky you, I'm so jealous" - that doesn't translate to "I want to abandon my children and shag the next stranger I meet".

I probably have a bit of a bias in this situation. For some reason I feel my husband should be a gentleman and not speak this way. I have recently told my newly single friend "I'm so jealous" but not in my husband's earshot (and actually, I'm not jealous - it seemed like the right thing to say).

I'm possibly being hypocritical.

[More1nfoPlease]

I can just imagine reminiscing over a bottle of wine with mum friends about our former single lives and Join doing catsbum face - "oh no, I love my husband and children"

Am I the only one who doesn't miss the single days? I made some proper massive mistakes with some absolute munters. My face goes involuntarily catsbum when I think about some of the embarrassing things I got up to.

[DreamingofSummer]

Join

Is there a reason you are being so miserable on this thread? Do you not have a single souvenir or photo or award that reminds you of happy times or achievements in the past?

[frogslegs35]

Yanbu - he was out of order.
I wouldn't like to hear something like, it would upset me.
OP please do speak with him and tell him how it's made you feel.

If I'd heard my own dp say that I'd tell him straight - if he really felt that way then he's welcome to fuck off back to that life, just give me 15 mins notice to pack his shit up.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

:o

I love that it's "miserable" not to be full of jealousy and regret that you're no longer single.