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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed at this phone conversation I overheard DP having?

183 replies

crispyporkbelly · 25/02/2014 10:41

Wasn't eavesdropping btw, was in next room.

'That's what I miss, mate, the chase, getting dressed up...trying your chances, seeing what's out there...ah I envy you, I envy you'

His friend must have then said, well actually you're lucky because he said 'Yeah you're right, yeah true'

AIBU to be a bit Hmm and Sad about this? Given that he has a great life, a beautiful ds, cooked for everyday, clean house etc? Wtf is he complaining about. Feel like clouting him around the head.

OP posts:
JoinYourPlayfellows · 25/02/2014 15:37

If a single friend tells me about something fun/some amazing holiday/party/gorgeous new bloke they have their eye on I might well say "lucky you, I'm so jealous" - that doesn't translate to "I want to abandon my children and shag the next stranger I meet".

No, THAT doesn't.

Because that is being fake jealous about a particular thing that is happening to one person and that obviously isn't ever going to be applicable to you.

But what the OP's partner said to his mate pretty much DOES translate to that.

He basically said he wished he was single so he could go on the pull.

That's a pretty shit thing to hear your partner say.

And the only response is "don't let me stop you, sunshine."

Sallystyle · 25/02/2014 15:52

I would be really hurt.

I can't imagine my husband ever saying anything like this.

It might be OTT but I would find it hurtful and disrespectful.

DreamingofSummer · 25/02/2014 15:52

Join

bodybooboo · 25/02/2014 19:35

friend of mine recently divorced says, 'I am going backpacking around Thailand as a once in a life time adventure.'

my response was 'oh you bloody lucky mare, wish I was coming with you. how nice to just take off. hope you meet some nice hot guy'

should I have said, 'oh poor dear divorced you. unlike me you can just take off, thank God I have my wonderful husband and delightful kids. I would hate to be single again'.

ffs.

ProfessorSkullyMental · 25/02/2014 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bodybooboo · 25/02/2014 19:42

well quite. the drama llamas out today.

HuntingforBunting · 25/02/2014 20:03

Op,imo, your dh didn't mean this. He was trying to show his manly credentials while not rubbing his mates face in it. Don't feel bad!

Helpyourself · 25/02/2014 20:06

I'd be very hurt to overhear this.
But, to be honest, I can imagine saying something similar to a girlfriend. How old is he? I may have thought it in my 20s- can't imagine anything worse now!

More1nfoPlease · 25/02/2014 20:32

I still think he's being twattish, actually envying his friend that lifestyle.

But let's hope they're talking things over and he's reassuring her that he loves her dearly and he was just doing matey banter. I remember that toddler time; knackered, not feeling or probably looking my best physically. Thinking about whether or not to start DC2. I'm not saying this is what the OP is going through but for some it can be a vulnerable time for self esteem.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 25/02/2014 20:47

Well, I'm just glad I'm not married to someone who misses being single and going on the pull so much that it makes them jealous of people who can do those things.

I think there is a lot wrong with a relationship in which either of the people in it feels that way.

Either people are pretending they are jealous when they are not (which I suspect) and are just being really patronising and disingenuous, or they should probably just own up to the fact that the relationship they are in isn't fulfilling to them and move on.

It's not really normal or remotely healthy to spend most of your life being jealous of other people and wishing your life was different.

balenciaga · 25/02/2014 20:49

Grr I'd be annoyed too

Some men!! Angry

shewhowines · 25/02/2014 20:50

It's not jealousy though. It's wanting the life you have now as well as the life you used to have. Wanting both is not jealousy, not possible, and not unhealthy.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 25/02/2014 20:59

Actually, I think wanting the life you used to have is unhealthy.

I couldn't bear to be with someone who wanted the life they used to have, even if I'd been with them at the time they were hankering after.

It's an incredibly unappealing and depressing characteristic.

I have lived a pretty interesting life and done some really cool things that I cherish the memories of.

But my life is now and my thoughts are mostly for the future.

I can understand being frustrated by the limitations responsibilities and children temporarily place on your life.

But I think if you are sad about the restrictions that being in a partnership places on your life, then the partnership is somewhat lacking.

If you're happy with someone, why the fuck would you wish you could go out on the pull?

bodybooboo · 25/02/2014 21:03

its not really normal or healthy to spend most of your life being jealous of other people and wishing your life was different

yes that's just what the ops dh meant and feels 100%!!! Confused

are you seriously for real here

you are actually making stuff up that was never said and never felt.

just ridiculously dramatic stuff. have you been in the pop join

pancakedayiscoming · 25/02/2014 21:05

I think it's an over reaction (ducks). I know I'll never have those first flutterings of the early days of a relationship, and I do swoon a bit wishing I could experience that again when I see a film, etc., but only because I found the most amazing man on the planet ages ago and will hopefully never be single again to have the opportunity to experience it.

TheScience · 25/02/2014 21:27

It's not really normal or remotely healthy to spend most of your life being jealous of other people and wishing your life was different.

Sorry, you got all that from 'That's what I miss, mate, the chase, getting dressed up...trying your chances, seeing what's out there...ah I envy you, I envy you'

Bizarre Confused

The OP is not unreasonable to be a bit miffed, but saying you envy a friend being young, free and single is not the same as saying you hate your life and want to ditch your family.

fuzzle · 25/02/2014 21:58

er he was talking to his mate. he could well just be saying it to the friend to make him feel better about being single.

Or it could be true because the chase per se is fun. like chocolate is fun and crap tv is fun. It doesn't mean you don't adore your wife/dp. give the guy a break.

Original poster
crispyporkbelly · 25/02/2014 22:03

I remember that toddler time; knackered, not feeling or probably looking my best physically. Thinking about whether or not to start DC2. I'm not saying this is what the OP is going through but for some it can be a vulnerable time for self esteem.

This is me!

OP posts:
bodybooboo · 25/02/2014 22:16

crispy yes agree we have all been there at some time but that still doesn't mean the dh meant anything more than he actually said whatever fantasy posters are adding.

Original poster
crispyporkbelly · 25/02/2014 22:18

Thanks, probably just really bad timing to hear it. But he has told me I'm the best he could get and he couldn't ever imagine life without me (and he would probably starve without my cooking) on other occasions.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerHQ · 25/02/2014 22:20

Have you talked to him about it yet, OP ?

ThePinkOcelot · 25/02/2014 22:24

I know what he means actually. I too miss the thrill and excitement of being out there. Doesn't mean I would trade what I have now though.

montgomerymadison · 25/02/2014 22:56

Without being rude and being around male banter a lot at work, his friend more likely said - at least you get sex on tap ..... Rather than you're lucky.

Original poster
crispyporkbelly · 25/02/2014 23:04

No, haven't had a chance, sick ds lying on me all evening. Been changing vommy clothes!

OP posts:
AnyFuckerHQ · 25/02/2014 23:08

I think you will feel better if you do. Your choice, though