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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed at this phone conversation I overheard DP having?

183 replies

crispyporkbelly · 25/02/2014 10:41

Wasn't eavesdropping btw, was in next room.

'That's what I miss, mate, the chase, getting dressed up...trying your chances, seeing what's out there...ah I envy you, I envy you'

His friend must have then said, well actually you're lucky because he said 'Yeah you're right, yeah true'

AIBU to be a bit Hmm and Sad about this? Given that he has a great life, a beautiful ds, cooked for everyday, clean house etc? Wtf is he complaining about. Feel like clouting him around the head.

OP posts:
Original poster
crispyporkbelly · 25/02/2014 11:17
Grin

He has been making more effort with 'us' recently

OP posts:
JoinYourPlayfellows · 25/02/2014 11:17

You should get upset about it if you don't want to be with a man who is happy for you to be his little wifey at home but wishes he was single and going out on the pull.

What he said to his friend was really, really disrespectful of you and your relationship.

Do you say to your friends that you are jealous of them because they can go out and pick up men?

But don't we all sometimes hanker for the past or think the grass is greener?

No. We don't. Some of us are actually happy with our lives the way they are now.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 25/02/2014 11:18

And there's no need to ask him what he meant.

He meant what you heard. There's not really any possibility that you have misunderstood him.

Asking him what he meant is just prompting him to tell you obvious lies about how he just said it out of "banter" or some other bullshit.

Gruntfuttock · 25/02/2014 11:20

I wonder how your DH would have liked it if he had overheard you talking to a friend in the same way, OP.

shewhowines · 25/02/2014 11:21

join I think you are in the minority with that view.

Most of us have said that we are very happy with our lives and wouldn't change it for the world, but you can still miss some elements of your life previously.

bodybooboo · 25/02/2014 11:25

good grief, why didn't you waltz in there call him a cheeky bugger and have a laugh together.

we are 50, been married 25 years with 4 kids and still miss the flirt and chase but love each other to bits.

he was just having a banter. unless of course you have reason to feel otherwise?

More1nfoPlease · 25/02/2014 11:28

Is he a member of the local hunt?

It's either that or a fully paid up member of twat club.

I don't buy any of this 'grass is greener' bollocks either. 'Disrespectful' is the exact word here. He needs to grow up and stop taking for granted what he has. There's no ambiguity about what he meant; the conversation needs to be had about what it is he really wants.

You sound like a lovely, caring partner OP. You deserve better than some manchild who's hankering after his past. He needs to know how hurt you were by this so he can start working on his attitude to the relationship. I'm not of the LTB persuasion but work needs to start here.

bodybooboo · 25/02/2014 11:31

join you can still tease and have a laugh even after marriage and kids.

I tell dh he's lucky to have me and couldn't wait to tell him I was wolf whistled the other day. I have a firemans calendar up in the kitchen. I still adore him.

laregina · 25/02/2014 11:32

I'm kind of on the fence with this one....

Doesn't everybody look back with fond memories about the time in your life when you went out 'on the pull' every weekend? IMO it's not a huge a leap from that to saying what you heard your DH say. It was probably just a throwaway remark that he didn't give much (or any) thought to - with a bit of 'man-bravado' thrown in.

But on the other hand if I overheard DH saying that I would be extremely miffed and would ask him what he meant.

So - it was a twatty thing to say but doesn't necessarily mean anything in isolation.

tangyyoghurt · 25/02/2014 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bodybooboo · 25/02/2014 11:36

I am not if the LBT persuasion but work has to start here

just speechless at the lack of humour here and the taking if these comments so seriously.

if this was a bloke posting posters would be falling over themselves to

A tell him that he has invaded her privacy by listening to a personal conversation and

b telling him he is obviously taking her for granted and she's unhappy, and needs some 'her' time.

ffs grip people.

MaskedInvader · 25/02/2014 11:37

I'd love to be able to dress up and go out speed dating. I've never been on a blind date or had a one night stand. I'd like to date some real tossers so that I could have funny awful date stories like everyone else
does.

Instead, DH and I have been happily together for the last 16 years or so. It's not that I don't appreciate what we have, more than I would have liked to have met him when I was in my older 20s and have had the chance to experience the dating scene.

bodybooboo · 25/02/2014 11:41

tangy exactly lack of humour and fun in a relationship is deadly.

More1nfoPlease · 25/02/2014 11:41

But body OP's not asking for a grip though.

You're lucky to be in a trusting relationship where you feel confident to have that banter. OP is hurt and wondering exactly what was meant so discussion needs to happen.

I should have said LTB as well!

laregina · 25/02/2014 11:43

masked I always said I wished I'd been able to have a go at speed dating! DH and I have been together roughly the same time as you & yours so it didn't exist when we met.

A single friend of mine wanted somebody to go with her to a speed dating event for a bit of moral support a few years ago - so I volunteered just so I could have a nosey. I'd even joked to DH that I might join in in an 'undercover' way (I do some freelance journalism work PT) just so I could have the experience. He was fine about it as long as I 'didn't get anybody's hopes up' Grin.

But in the end all the men looked a bit scary (read: old, fat, bald and short with tight t-shirts) so I just nursed my G&T at the bar and watched in horror.

bodybooboo · 25/02/2014 11:45

don't you ever play marry, snog avoid with your partner while doing the weekly shop? try it it's lots of fun. Grin

More1nfoPlease · 25/02/2014 11:47

I've been with my DH for 18 years now. We joke and banter about each other and the relationship but I'd be hurt if I heard him say something like that.

Not keeping communication open in a relationship is pretty fatal too ime.

More1nfoPlease · 25/02/2014 11:49

don't you ever play marry, snog avoid with your partner while doing the weekly shop? try it it's lots of fun.

No.

Grin
laregina · 25/02/2014 11:51

No because I refuse to go food shopping Grin

But we do it with people on tv - does that count?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 25/02/2014 11:51

I was going to say maybe his mate needed cheering up, perhaps he is lonely and your DP thought the best way to encourage him to go out there and meet a woman like you was to lay it on a bit thick.

Since you mentioned that he rarely initiates anything, it's less likely. Do air this somehow, OP.

formerbabe · 25/02/2014 11:56

Don't over think it op.

A lot of it could be bravado...also we tend to look back with rose tinted specs. I look back at my single days and think 'ah I miss those times' but when I really think about it, I wasn't particularly happy and am much happier now.

Very few men are going to tell their mates that they love the fact that they are settled down and are a family man, even if that's how they feel.

DreamingofSummer · 25/02/2014 11:58

Good god alive, there are some miserable people on this board this morning.

Everyone has thoughts that the grass is greener over the hill. Everyone wishes they had fewer responsibilities, more freedom and more time.

Everyone talks figuratively at some time. If I say in exasperation "I'll kill my kids" I don't expect to have the police at my door arresting me for conspiracy to murder. Similarly, if I hear my other half saying "I'd leave home for Cameron Diaz" I'm adult enough to know that's unlikely to lead to action.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 25/02/2014 12:05

Very few men are going to tell their mates that they love the fact that they are settled down and are a family man

But there was no reason for him to either boast about how happy he was or say how jealous he was that he was not able to go out on the pull with his friend.

Who wants to be shacked up with a man who would rather be out on the pull?

Who misses his single days?

Who is envious of friends who get to "see what's out there"?

People who are happily coupled up aren't interested in "what's out there", because they think they have the best thing right there beside them.

don't you ever play marry, snog avoid with your partner while doing the weekly shop?

If we every have that little to talk about, I'll join an enclosed order.

And even if we were that desperate to laugh about how miserable we were that we didn't marry other people, it would still be different from broadcasting it to other people.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 25/02/2014 12:06

Everyone has thoughts that the grass is greener over the hill.

No. They don't.

What a sad and shitty life to live always thinking that your life should be better than it is.

More1nfoPlease · 25/02/2014 12:12

OP is hurt by what she heard so they need to have a talk. Nowt miserable about that.