To be a bit miffed at this phone conversation I overheard DP having?

[crispyporkbelly]

Wasn't eavesdropping btw, was in next room.

'That's what I miss, mate, the chase, getting dressed up...trying your chances, seeing what's out there...ah I envy you, I envy you'

His friend must have then said, well actually you're lucky because he said 'Yeah you're right, yeah true'

AIBU to be a bit and about this? Given that he has a great life, a beautiful ds, cooked for everyday, clean house etc? Wtf is he complaining about. Feel like clouting him around the head.

[littlemslazybones]

Well I must also be a disrespectful twat because I agree with him.

I miss the chase and the 'win' from a life before dh, mortgages, proper jobs, children and the slow slide into my parent's life.

Ideally, I'd like the impossible opportunity to meet my dh for the first time and dazzle him with my humour, charm and good looks and then bed him for sport.

[littlemslazybones]

Ffs -Meet him for the first time AGAIN. I have already met him -promise.

[crispyporkbelly]

Thanks for all the replies. It's interesting to hear various points of view.

I think I will talk to him about it tonight and ask him outright if he's really happy with me. I would like to hear what he has to say. I can hear the way he said it in my head and I don't like it :( it was like 'that's what I really miss' with quite a bit of enthusiasm. Not just light banter.

[crispyporkbelly]

I don't think it's disrespectful to think it, never said that. It was that he was talking so bloody loud about it knowing I was next door.

I have said to single friends without kids similar but only when I'm with them and in a jokey way

[fluffyraggies]

I'd be hurt if i'd over heard that too OP.In that tone of voice.

It's true that we all think some things in the pivacy of our own minds that wouldnt be best shared with our other halves, but the thing is you've heard this thing, cant un-hear it, and its made you sad.

Talk to him about it. Tell him you dont just want a bunch of cliche statements about how you're the perfect wife etc, but ask him if he really feels a bit bored/stuck at the mo. Tell him you're not looking for a row over it. Work it out with him. Tell him it hurt you.

best of luck

[Crowler]

I wouldn't be happy with that. Twat.

[crispyporkbelly]

Thanks fluffy

[fromparistoberlin]

I can see why you are miffed, AND if he is in general a good man dont read to much into it

women do sniff around too you know! I dont mean cheat, but look at other men, get nostalgic for the 20s etc

eavesdropping never does good I tell ya, NEVER

[More1nfoPlease]

Good luck OP. Like fluffy says, you don't need an argument. What he said was a bit more than figurative though and I think you're right to address it.

[littledrummergirl]

He says he misses the chase.
Some men dont stop chasing. I miss getting dressed up and being chased it doesnt mean Id act on it though.
Its hard with toddlers though.

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

I'd be fucking devastated if i heard DP say that

You do need to talk and be honest that it hurt your feelings.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

Next time he does or says something that upsets you just talk to him. You are worrying about his "embarrassment" while he isn't worried about your feelings.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

Some men dont stop chasing.

Yes, and most of them are serially unfaithful.

Why would anybody want to be with a man who would prefer to be single?

[HolidayArmadillo]

Just ask him about it. I wouldn't think twice about hearing DH say similar as I am secure enough in our relationship to know that he's with me and our kids because he wants to be, likewise if he missed the chase that much (doubt it as he had a rather poor success rate!) he'd be out there doing that. We all reminisce, or at least DH and I do, we're mid 30's, have kids and bills to worry about, why wouldn't I hark back to the halcyon days of having no one to please but myself? It doesn't mean I want to go back there really, just that I look back on it with fondness and without regret.

[normalishdude]

He may have just been empathising with his mate to make him feel better?....

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

There is a MASSIVE difference between looking back on something with fondness and considering it to your "halcyon" days.

There are few things more depressing than people who always think their best days are behind them.

I mean, when my Granny talks like that it's fair enough because now she can barely see and all her friends are dead.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

If you do talk to him about this, don't be all whiny and hurt.

Just tell him you heard him, that he should be aware that there is nothing keeping him here if he's that envious of his single friends and not to let the door hit him too hard on the way out.

Seriously, with this kind of loser it's best to always keep them chasing you a bit.

[normalishdude]

Yes, and most of them are serially unfaithful

Be interesting to see evidence of this

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

Oh look, here's a man and there he is being all clever and asking for "evidence".

If you think that's the kind of thing that can be proven with "evidence", ou don't know what evidence is.

[HolidayArmadillo]

Joinyourplayfellows I didn't say our best days were behind us, just that we could look back fondly on times when we had no responsibilities and no one to please but ourselves. As opposed to now where we have a significant amount of other things to occupy our time and worry us.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

It kind of sounded like you were saying that your best days were behind you.

You meet people all the time who basically never move on from their late teens and spend the rest of their life trying to recreate the way they felt at that time in the lives.

They are very tedious.

just that we could look back fondly on times when we had no responsibilities and no one to please but ourselves.

Yep, I'm with you there.

But that's a long way from telling your single friend that you are jealous because you miss going on the pull.

[TheScience]

I miss it too - meeting someone for the first time, the excitement of a new relationship etc. I remember fondly the beginning of my relationship with DP, the excitement. Doesn't mean I'm not happy now though. I've had similar conversations with coupled/childed girlfriends often.

He shouldn't have let you overhear that conversation, but I don't think that thinking/saying those things are terrible.

[normalishdude]

All I said was that it would be interesting to see the evidence.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

But he doesn't miss "the excitement of a new relationship", he misses "the chase, getting dressed up...trying your chances, seeing what's out there", i.e. being single and going on the pull.

[nevergoogle]

I had a similar conversation with my single friend. Along the lines of 'how exciting for you to be ready and looking to date again, what fun!' I was being encouraging and trying to motivate her to see how fun it could be.

I'd hate for it to be overheard and interpreted as me wanting to change my circumstances.