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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell this mother I'm cancelling our lift share arrangement as of tomorrow?

108 replies

lydiawickam · 23/02/2014 18:30

Have NCed as think some of the school mums may know I'm a mneter.

DD is 7 and attends dance classes several evenings a week. Another girl in her class dances at the same school and is often there at the same time as DD, so her mum and I share lifts on those days- at the moment 2 days a week. This afternoon was another child in their class's birthday party at a local softplay centre, which both girls were invited to, so I took and the other mother brought back. When DD was dropped home. she was in tears. Apparently the other mother had a go at her in the car on the way back because her DD was by herself at the party and didn't have anyone to play with, and demanded to know why DD didn't play with her. DD said she was with another group of children and didn't realise her DD had been by herself, so the mother accused her of excluding her DD Normally when she drops DD home she walks her up to the door but today she just dropped her and drove off, so I'm guessing she's either feeling bad about it or didn't want to explain to me why DD was upset.

Aibu to text her and say I won't be able to give her DD lifts from now on?

OP posts:

Katisha · 23/02/2014 18:32

I wouldn't leap straight to that. However I would ring, not text, and ask for her version of events.

ReadyToPopAndFresh · 23/02/2014 18:32

yanbu, but if you are going to be making your life more difficult it might be worth calling her and just working it out?

mrsscoob · 23/02/2014 18:32

You would be unreasonable to do that without speaking to her first and hearing her side of the story.

Fairy1303 · 23/02/2014 18:33

I would phone her and find out what happened before going in all guns blazing saying you won't do lifts.

FranSanDisco · 23/02/2014 18:34

You need to call her first.

mrsscoob · 23/02/2014 18:35

Also I highly doubt a 7 year old would use the terms "demanded" and "excluding" It sounds like you are quite angry, I would definitely think about it before having it out with her.

WorraLiberty · 23/02/2014 18:35

Kids have a habit of conveniently leaving bits out when they've been told off

As others have said, you need to speak to the Mum first.

Only1scoop · 23/02/2014 18:35

Seems a little ott to just stop the lift shares. They will probably be best friends again tmrw....did she make your dd cry?

Pagwatch · 23/02/2014 18:36

Good grief, don't do this stuff by text. That's so cowardly.
Phone her and talk to her.

Catsmamma · 23/02/2014 18:36

really?? The whole lot of you want your heads banged together

The three girls, and you two mothers.

What a lot of overreactions....prima donna not being played with, your daughter in tears from a telling off, other mother flouncing off at drop off and you all up in AIBU and bristling

Neither of you mothers know what went on at the party so some calm discussions about, a) not leaving people out, b) not being a moany drip would have been the best thing from both mothers to both daughters.

How hard would that have been??? Now it's going to be daggers drawn at school gates and dance class. All over a spat between two 7 year olds.

TravellingToad · 23/02/2014 18:36

You need to get the adults side not just the 7 year olds side.

ReadyToPopAndFresh · 23/02/2014 18:39

Actually did she drive off before she checked you were home? ?or drive off as she left dd at the door alone? BEcause that would actually bother me quite a bit

Funnyfoot · 23/02/2014 18:41

Phone and ask her. That way you can decide given the two sides of the story what your next step will be.
If you feel that the mother was out of line tell her so. Then say that in future you would prefer for her to bring any issues regarding your DD directly to you.

Original poster

lydiawickam · 23/02/2014 18:42

DD didn't use 'demanded' and 'excluded', no, she said she had been shouted out for leaving the other girl out even though she said she hadn't known the other girl was on her own.

The other mother has driven off by the time Dh answered the door, yes- we live on a B road, admittedly not a busy one but it's not a closed off housing road either. DD was crying.

I'll give the other mother a call.

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 23/02/2014 18:44

I would call with a "I am calling because DD was quite upset when she got home, I was wondering if you knew why?" and then see what she says. Generally speaking, if someone gets angry and defensive its because they are in the wrong, so you will be able to judge from her reaction whether to make a bigger issue of this.

That said, I wouldnt want to have much to do with anyone who thinks its ok to get stroppy at another child for not playing with theirs.

Bogeyface · 23/02/2014 18:45

And I would not be at all happy that she had just dumped her and not seen her safe in the house. Regardless of what did or didnt happen at the party, I would be fuming about that.

expatinscotland · 23/02/2014 18:46

Ring her up!

Only1scoop · 23/02/2014 18:48

Yes ....if she had just left her on the doorstep I'd ring.

NinjaBunny · 23/02/2014 18:48

When DD was dropped home. she was in tears.

That parent would never be allowed near my child again. You don't shout at a 7 year old and then dump then in tears on the pavement.

Cancel the lifts. Tell the mother why.

ReadyToPopAndFresh · 23/02/2014 18:48

Yeah I would probably cancel the arrangement based on her inability to act like a grown up and see your 7 year old safe inside, what if she gets upset again? The other stuff is just a bit annoying.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/02/2014 18:51

I'd start the call as Bogeyface suggested - then leave a pause, and wait for the mum's explanation.

cees · 23/02/2014 18:51

Let us now what she has to say for herself lydia.

SeaSickSal · 23/02/2014 18:53

Speak to the Mum first. I suspect that your daughter may be telling you a version of what happened which casts her in a better light.

I suspect she might have been misbehaving but doesn't want to own up.

pettybetty · 23/02/2014 18:53

My kids friends are aged between 11 and 15, and whenever I have dropped any of them off, I have always waited until a door is opened and seen them go inside before driving off. Usually they wave, one or two don't acknowledge at all, but I would never ever just drive off. For a 7 year old, that's triply bad form.

eddielizzard · 23/02/2014 18:53

not on to make a 7 yo cry and dump her on the pavement.

i would phone though, hard as that is, and at least try and get both sides. but if other mum doesn't deny it, then i would cancel the arrangement, saying you don't feel comfortable leaving your dd alone with her.

she should feel bloody awful. pick on someone her own size / age next time.

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