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AIBU?

To tell this mother I'm cancelling our lift share arrangement as of tomorrow?

108 replies

lydiawickam · 23/02/2014 18:30

Have NCed as think some of the school mums may know I'm a mneter.

DD is 7 and attends dance classes several evenings a week. Another girl in her class dances at the same school and is often there at the same time as DD, so her mum and I share lifts on those days- at the moment 2 days a week. This afternoon was another child in their class's birthday party at a local softplay centre, which both girls were invited to, so I took and the other mother brought back. When DD was dropped home. she was in tears. Apparently the other mother had a go at her in the car on the way back because her DD was by herself at the party and didn't have anyone to play with, and demanded to know why DD didn't play with her. DD said she was with another group of children and didn't realise her DD had been by herself, so the mother accused her of excluding her DD Normally when she drops DD home she walks her up to the door but today she just dropped her and drove off, so I'm guessing she's either feeling bad about it or didn't want to explain to me why DD was upset.

Aibu to text her and say I won't be able to give her DD lifts from now on?

OP posts:

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nkf · 23/02/2014 20:38

And why did a group of girls leave one girl out? Why didn't the hostess try to stop that?

JackNoneReacher · 23/02/2014 20:39

At the end of the day, if someone dropped my 7 year old dd on the doorstep but didn't make sure they got in ok, I wouldn't be doing another lift share with them.

whatever5 · 23/02/2014 20:40

I wouldn't be happy about this at all. It was very unreasonable of her to have a go at your daughter while driving her home. What a bully. I can't stand adults who behave like this towards children and I would probably avoid having anything to do with her in the future, if possible.

I would text her in a couple of days to say that you won't be able to do lift shares in the future. You don't need to explain why as I'm sure she will know!

lazyhound444 · 23/02/2014 20:40

Still dumfounded at subsequent posts that are passive aggressively blaming your DD for possibly leaving the other girl out. It makes no difference whether she did or she didn't. A grown woman bawling in the face of a 7 year old is not acceptable, regardless of what did or didn't happen at a kids' party. Honestly, some of your values are really skewed.

nkf · 23/02/2014 20:42

Where did "bawling in her face" come from? I must have missed that bit.

chateauferret · 23/02/2014 20:43

Open and shut case for me - You're definitely not being on the least bit U.

If you are dropping off a crying seven-year-old you don't dump her in tears on the pavement and bugger off. You make sure she's going to be ok first. Irrespective of the teasons why she's crying.

She the admitted that she'd upset her by bawling her out on a pretext that was totally and utterly U.

I'd read her the riot act from cover to cover in three languages with subtitles, then excommunicate her for good.

What a horrible cow.

LEMmingaround · 23/02/2014 20:44

My DD has been the left out child and it is heart breaking, but there is no way i would tell off someone elses child for this. If i felt this had happened i would bring it up with the mother. The woman sounds like she is the reason for her child's problem.

Whereisegg · 23/02/2014 20:45

Lazy, no one has suggested anyone had bawled in anyones face.
My dd is unbelievably sensitive and has cried when I have spoken to her about relatively minor issues.

And I mean spoken, not even a slightly raised voice.

ParsingFancy · 23/02/2014 20:51

Post at 19:03 is not lydiawickam, the OP. It's another poster, redskyatnight, speculating.

Sorry, just the issue of a DC being left does seem quite important on this thread.

AllDirections · 23/02/2014 20:51

And why did a group of girls leave one girl out? Why didn't the hostess try to stop that?

We don't know that's what happened though do we? That's just what this mum said and possibly what her DD had told her, but that doesn't mean it definitely happened.

I get sick of hearing "They ran off and left me". No they didn't, they just ran off as part of their play and you could have run with them.

ravenAK · 23/02/2014 20:57

I think I'd let the dust settle.

Then I'd ring her in a few days & say look, if the girls aren't getting on & it's causing upset all round, should we just abandon the shared lifts & give them some space from each other, or shall we see if we can sort it out?

If she says to abandon the lifts you need give her no further thought.

BUT if she says she'd like to resolve it, you then make sure she understands that in future if she thinks - rightly or wrongly - that your dd is excluding hers, she rings you about it rather than taking it on herself to bollock your dd on the way home.

I'd also ask dd if she'd keep a bit of an eye out for the other girl, not to placate her mum but just because it'd be a kind thing for her to do.

nkf · 23/02/2014 20:59

True. It's often hard to get to the bottom of children's stories. And sometimes parents get upset and, less than a week later, the kids are best friends. They can get over hurts much quicker than adults.

Whereisegg · 23/02/2014 21:06

ParcingFancy, sorry, my bad.
Can't blooming figure out how yo highlight op on my s3 app.

The way it was worded was very like an op would update.

cheeseandpineapple · 23/02/2014 21:14

What Ferret said but maybe without the subtitles and total excommunication!

sugar4eva · 23/02/2014 21:24

I think that it's hard to know what to e the mother took with your daughter in the car or what happened . The issue Issa I g a seven year old line that ; I one should drive away until the child is in the home. I'd leave for a day or so d maybe you will find out more re party in meantime but a conv needed re make sure child inside before drive away, the other mother sounds like she got v get up re party and may have been trying to find stuff out about it and as consequence pressured yr d. C when trying to find out and yr dc may have felt criticised or on the spot and it made her anxious ? Maybe this bit can be gently talked thro ? Good luck theses things can be difficult .

Sharaluck · 23/02/2014 21:35

I would cancel the lift share arrangement.

I wouldn't get into a discussion about the incident though, as I don't think you will get all the facts about the party and the lift home.

Just say the girls don't get along and you want to avoid any issues, so it would be best for you to cancel the arrangement.

Sharaluck · 23/02/2014 21:36

Not waiting to see if a 7 year old is safely home after being dropped off is unforgivable.

anothernumberone · 23/02/2014 21:38

I would also cancel the lift sharing arrangement that woman's behaviour was outrageous. I feel sorry for her dd and your dd but I would not allow my dd to be put in that position again. The woman had no business even engaging in conversation with your dd in relation to this and leaving her to go into the house for the first time ever was wicked.

whatever5 · 23/02/2014 21:40

I don't think it's hard to know what happened at all. The mother has admitted to the OP that she made OP's daughter cry because she was so angry about her daughter being left out. If she hadn't intended to upset the OP's dd she would have walked her up to the door and explained what had happened to the OP.

I wouldn't fall out with another parent over something like this but I certainly would avoid them as much as possible in the future.

sarahandmallard · 23/02/2014 21:42

Wow, I wouldn't really care what the story was. (She's only taking her daughter's word for what happened, after all.)

How she handled the information subsequently and her behavior toward another child while she was in her car (and responsible for her) was completely unacceptable.

She worries about her daughter, but had absolutely no problem making yours cry.

CrapBag · 23/02/2014 22:10

Yanbu.

I would not let someone look after my child when they shouted at them for something that wasn't their fault, the other girl being shy etc is NOT your DDS responsibilty!

Also dropping her off and leaving her in tears and not even phoning you after to explain it, no way. This woman is an idiot.

Dancergirl · 23/02/2014 22:10

This is not about what happened or didn't happen at the party.

It is about leaving a young child at the doorstep without checking she went in before driving off.

That is unforgivable however angry she was. Any decent person would make sure the person they're dropping is safe, adult or child.

For that reason alone I wouldn't let her take my child again. Nothing to do with being childish, she's shown that your child may not be safe in her care.

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Patchouli · 23/02/2014 22:34

Ya by
I recently stopped a lift swap thing as it was as if we were engineering a friendship.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/02/2014 22:38

It's about leaving an upset child, without seeing if that child got indoors safely.

It's also about upsetting a child, and not having the guts to explain to that child's parents why the child is upset!

MojitoMadness · 23/02/2014 22:44

Wow, the mother has major issues! Blaming your dd and leaving her on the step in tears. My dd1 has pretty much been left out by her peers since starting primary school (she's in year 6 now), I would never pull up another child for leaving her out though! Kids are kids, especially at 7. It's not your dd's fault her daughter is being left out.

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