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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to hate this expression?

191 replies

ginbin54 · 23/02/2014 15:26

The expression "full time mother" drives me nuts! It's as if when you leave the house to go to work you stop being their mums. We are all full time mum's whether we are stay at home or have to go out to work.

OP posts:

lechers · 23/02/2014 20:36

Plantsitter - if you do not return to work when your children go to nursery or school, will you call yourself a full time mum then....?

RufusTheReindeer · 23/02/2014 20:58

I run a breakfast and after school club that only has three children in it...it's very select!

Nailed it!

fideline · 23/02/2014 20:59

Bells i didn't see anyone suggest that all WOHMs were bitter and insecure.

I do tend to believe that most bitchiness or cattiness, about any subject, stems from insecurity, regret etc

To declare myself; I have WOHMed and SAHMed in the past decade and a half, currently (and forever more hopefully) I an self employed and so i am a WIHM.

But for what it's worth, when there IS 'cattiness', it seems to me that it is usually a 'WOHM' directing it a 'SAHM'. Just my unscientific observation. I'm not sure what it tells us.

fideline · 23/02/2014 21:04

In fact Bells there is so much factually wrong with your post, you should try re-reading the whole thread

BellsaRinging · 23/02/2014 21:27

i'll pass thanks fideline. i don't feel the need to re read ta. apologies for misinterpreting post if that is not what was meant. it was then if not a generalisation quite a derogatory insult to someone specific, so quite unkind, but i agree that there may have been some aggravation.
for what it's worth i disagree with your observations about 'cattiness'. it seems to go both ways in equal measure to me.
there's been too much arguing on here already so i'm bowing out. i'm sure we all have better things to do.

RufusTheReindeer · 23/02/2014 21:30

Nope, nothing better to do

MollyHooper · 23/02/2014 21:39

I think it's probably best to read threads properly before going on the defense Bells.

I would never in a million years suggest that all WOHM are insecure. My post was directed at certain posters who seem always pop up on threads like this to really nasty about SAHM.

MollyHooper · 23/02/2014 21:40

To be really nasty...

Opps.

zeezeek · 23/02/2014 22:04

YANBU - it is almost as irritating as those people who put "wife and mummy" as their occupation on FB or wherever - especially the ones who then go on to describe all their "jobs" in the house ffs.

Next year, when my DH (may) retire he'll be staying at home with the girls - will he then be a SAHD? A full time Daddy? or a retired academic? Or a pensioner? or grumpy old git

Children today have lots of role models other than parents, some good, some bad. My parents were both teachers and worked FT, I'm an academic and work FT, my brother is a fisherman (currently with a sunken boat). I didn't become an academic just because my mother taught English. There were lots and lots of other influences in my life. So what does it matter, workwise, what you do? As long as you love and look after your DC and raise them to respect people's choices and to be good citizens, then you've done your job. I don't care whether my girls grow up to be brain surgeons or SAHM, or indeed whether they have kids of their own or not - it's their lives, not mine. I made my choices, they will make their own.

RufusTheReindeer · 23/02/2014 22:15

With the exception of one or two posters this has been a very mild restrained thread...

Incredibly boring.....but mild and restrained

Well done us!

RufusTheReindeer · 23/02/2014 22:16

That was a joke by the way....it's not been boring just an interesting exchange of views

thenamestheyareachanging · 24/02/2014 16:19

I've been both, working and SAHM, and I don't have a problem with the term. It doesn't to me imply that you're less of a parent, or that you stop being a mum when you go to work elsewhere. Isn't it a bit like "full time carer" if the carer has given up work to do the caring? they don't stop being a carer if they go to work but they don't do that caring work full time? So when i was at work I wasn't doing the work of mothering full time. I had delegated it to someone else (someone very carefully chosen and didn't for a minute mean I was less engaged with my children as a mum. Now I'm at home full time (and they're home educated), then yes I'm a full time mum. if they went to school would I still use the term? Yes, I think, because I'd still be at home preparing for their return, so it would still be full time mothering work.

fideline · 24/02/2014 16:28

What a very common-sensical post thenames.

I jope you have your hard hat on.

fideline · 24/02/2014 16:29

hope*

Tex111 · 24/02/2014 16:33

The old fashioned American term is homemaker. I'd say that describes me. The kids are at school now but I do all the domestic stuff (laundry, cooking, etc), and home maintenance (organise repairs & improvements, coax the boiler into life every autumn, etc), arrange all the holidays, parties, social events as well as the mothering stuff.

I dislike the term full time mother. There's just no such thing as a part time mum.

fideline · 24/02/2014 16:35

Are you in the states, Tex? Does this same disparagement and warfare happen there?

Tex111 · 24/02/2014 17:39

I've been in England for over 20 years so I'm not really sure what happens there anymore.

BringBackBod · 24/02/2014 19:20

I like the term homemaker. Can't imagine that would offend anybody (although you never know).

Cakeismymaster · 24/02/2014 19:35

All the stuff that tex lists - don't working mums do all of that as well, just in much less time ie evenings and weekends? And also whoever said they are still a full time mum when their kids are at school as she is at home preparing for their return..I don't get it? What about if you were at work just during school hours so you would also be there for the kids return..what's the difference between the two women? Apart from one has a much healthier bank balance!

BringBackBod · 24/02/2014 19:42

So are you saying that you find the term 'homemaker' offensive Cake?

Cakeismymaster · 24/02/2014 19:50

No not at all, just saying that home making generally gets done by the woman regardless of whether it's at her leisure in the daytime or rushed in smaller windows of time in evenings and weekends. So I'm saying everyone's a home maker regardless of their employment set up. Unless they live in chaos/mess/no food then I guess they are not allowed to call themselves homemakers...

RufusTheReindeer · 24/02/2014 19:57

I don't like homemaker, makes me sound like a builder! Not offended by it though

Could some of the ladies who don't like SAHM or homemaker, or full time mum come up with some other suggestions, I am drawing a complete blank

fideline · 24/02/2014 19:58

Ok Cake perhaps you could adjudicate on what non-working mothers (parents) should/could reasonably call themselves?

fideline · 24/02/2014 20:06

X post rufus

Perhaps SAHMs could also christen WOHMs with an acceptable title in a reciprocal arrangement

Tex111 · 24/02/2014 20:08

I'm sure it's different for everyone but in our case when we were both working we split the household chores between us. Now that I'm home I do them all, plus things I'd rather not do like getting the cars serviced. I've made it very clear that if/when I go back to work DH will have to pick up the slack which is one of the reasons he's delighted that I'm not going out to work.

When I joined LinkedIn I put my job title as Chief Executive of Domestic Operations for Tex Inc.

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