aibu to hate this expression?

[ginbin54]

The expression "full time mother" drives me nuts! It's as if when you leave the house to go to work you stop being their mums. We are all full time mum's whether we are stay at home or have to go out to work.

"I can't understand why women go to work when they don't need to."

Perhaps because they dont want to rely on a man to provide everything from their tampax to their food! Or maybe they dont believe the man should be the sole worker purley because he has a penis.

They dont have a job so are not in work, they are not full time anything. People with jobs simply say I am x, nobody adds well for x hours a week!

Oh look...

The usual bile.

Well then happy I guess we just need to live and let live. Some people might not want to rely on a 'penis' - or a vagina, you are implying that all couples with DC are man/woman - for their tampax. Some are more than happy to, as is the 'penis'. (Nice terminology)

DH has never paid for my tampax.

He did buy me a lovely moon cup though. :)

Exactly what happymummy said.
I want to work so I can contribute financially to my own life and the life of my child. I have no intention of just 'living off my husband' because he's the man and so providing money is 'his job' whilst I do the hoovering.....

Well, good for you.

I understand why one might chose not to return to work. dp probably won't. what i don't understand is why this problem of definition is confined to women.i don't hear men referring to themselves as full time dads.

Well that because stay at home dads are brilliant! How modern of them, how wonderful they are to sacrifice their careers to look after their children.

Not like those feckless stay at home mothers. Who do they think they are living off their husbands?

Ooh goodie, a poorly disguised opportunity to slate SAHMs, we haven't had one of those for hours at least!

good point molly! it all comes down to sexism in the end.

I just cant ever imagine being that lazy i wouldnt work whilst expecting DH to do the opposite and have no choice in working. Even if they love their jobs, they still dont have a choice in not working as there would be no household income.

Like writer, i wouldnt be comfortable in having to rely on another person and like knowing that i contribute financially and share the burden, It also means that the earner buys their own christmas and birthday presents, not exactly a treat is it?

Its good for children to see that parents work, what message does it send out otherwise? That DS's are expected to study hard for a good job whereas DD's dont need to try that hard as they just need to find a man! Not exactly the right message is it?

I don't like the implication that going out to work makes you a part time parent. I don't work atm as I have a 6 month old but have no plans to return. I don't believe this makes me more of a parent or a better parent than anyone who works. It's just an option I have.

I think, when people ask what I do, my answer would be that I am a stay at home parent. I don't find housewife offensive but think it can sound a little outdated.

So happy SAHM or dads - don't work. Right. Now I know you are just being stupid. Intentionally on a wind up, I'd imagine.

Why do women have to beat up on each other so much? I am a SAHM with two very young children and another on the way. It would be financial suicide for me to return to work due to childcare costs, so I'd rather look after my own children at home as that is what works for us. My husband and I are a team, I work very hard at home and he works hard at work. Money earned is family money whether it's his or in the past (and undoubtedly future) mine. I haven't got any problem about that money buying my tampax! (If I needed it). It offends me when women either belittle each other for going back to work or staying home, both are bloody hard and each make their personal choice. The term Full Time Mum simply implies you don't work, you stay home with the kids all of the time, I don't think it's meant to make working Mums feel like shit. Why should they anyway, they are doing the best for -their- family.

What message does it send out otherwise? That DS's are expected to study hard for a good job whereas DD's dont need to try that hard as they just need to find a man! Not exactly the right message is it?

Exactly - I didn't get my degree and career just to pack it all in once I found a husband. What's the point otherwise??

everlong. you don't think that challenging gender stereotyping is important for boys too?

I think YABU and a little bit overly sensitive. I take the meaning as an exchange for housewife.

The problem I find is that someone asks 'what do you do' and a lot of the time - especially with strangers - its a loaded gun of a question, a way of assessing who you are in the grand scheme of things. Say 'Stay at Home Mum' and (and I have heard the cattiest conversations about this) people assume you 'do nothing', 'what do you do all day' etc. Some women will covertly deride you.

Hence the emphasis on Full time mum. Shuts people up as they assume you have very small children.

Actually I find the working mum title extremely full of smug connotations. As it seems to suggest stay home mums aren't working.

Eggshells everywhere!

Great post Lottystar

No I don't understand why women want to have a go at other mums for the choice they make.

But there you go. As happymummy has demonstrated. Some women are just very keen to stick the boot right in.

So much for modern day women's rights and choices. Clearly you aren't supposed to actually exercise those rights and choices. Right, happymummy?

And what message do people like you send to their DDs Happy?

'You can be anything you want! Except a stay at home mother'

That's nice.

I don't think not going out to work in order to provide child care makes someone lazy!

I think people should be free to make a decision on what best suits their whole family's needs without fear of being branded lazy for staying home or a part time parent for not doing!