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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 8 is too young to wear a crop top (in place of a vest)

268 replies

MrsGoslingWannabe · 22/02/2014 00:33

DD wants a "child bra". She means a crop top and said "all the girls in her class have them" (not true). I hate it but I imagine that at PE changing time there is now a discussion over who has them and the fact that those who don't are "showing their boobies". I hate the pressure to conform.

OP posts:
bodybooboo · 22/02/2014 17:29

Needsmorecake so sorry to say this but that would be abuse in my eyes.

how cruel of your mother. hope you have been able to get over that. hugs.

ShitOnAStick · 22/02/2014 17:30

A crop is meant for young girls isn't it? It's not really an "adult" item of clothing. I view it exactly the same as I see vests. I don't have daughters but can't imagine having an issue with it at any age.
My grandmother bought me a beautiful crop top and knickers set when I was six, my sister got one too so she'd have been four. We loved them because they were pretty, we still wore vests but sometimes wore our crop tops. They were exactly the same in our eyes.
If your dd really wants to wear crop tops at 8 years old why wouldn't you let her? What's the reason for saying no?
This isn't the latest toy or ipad or whatever, it's your dd's choice of underwear and a crop top is a perfectly normal and acceptable choice for an 8 year old.

mrsjay · 22/02/2014 17:33

needsmorecake that is awful

Needsmorecake · 22/02/2014 17:33

i had totally blanked it out to be honest, it was just this thread....

I cant say enough, just because its your child, doesnt mean they are not a person in their own right, with thoughts feelings and emotions.

It doesnt really matter for what reason the OP's DD wants a crop top. Shes 8, its age appropriate, its not illegal, its not expensive. If it will make the DD feel happy and less self conscience, then who is anyone to deny her?

SuburbanRhonda · 22/02/2014 17:35

Just puzzled how she would know none of them have crop tops without checking Hmm

And why it is important what other girls are wearing when it is your DD who asked for one. And it's underwear, not a gadget.

BrianTheMole · 22/02/2014 17:35

I'd get it for her. My mum used to be like you. I have very harsh memories of not fitting in, being a late developer and the last girl to wear a bra (which I bought myself in the end.) and the bullying and teasing as a child. i have no need to conform as an adult. However my life would have been a lot easier as a child if I hadn't been the odd one out. I'd never do that to my dd.

PandaFeet · 22/02/2014 17:36

along with the not being allowed to shave my legs, san pro was also ' rationed' i had to ask each time i wanted a new towel. I wasnt allowed tampons. I didnt start till i was 16, i had awful periods and used to flood with full on massive clots regulary. I could flood a towel in 20mins. I did once, my mother told me i was being silly and wasteful and threw all sorts of insults at me. She made me show her my bloody filled sanitary towel in order for me to get a new one. It was mortifying, i was 16.

Jesus Christ.

That is truly awful. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

Needsmorecake · 22/02/2014 17:36

it was awful. i used to get threatened that unless i used less of them she would stop buying always and i would have to have big thick towels which everyone would be able to see. Not really very nice.

fucking terrible parenting.

as a parent you dont get to dictate your childs bodily functions or emotions.

DuckandCat · 22/02/2014 17:37

Thank you for this thread, it's been a real eye opener!

DD is only 1, so I don't have to worry about these things just yet. But when the time comes and DD comes to me about crop tops/ shaving etc I will listen. I'll remember it's not about me and what I feel she needs, but about her choices for her body.

I really do agree that it's these 'little' things and how we react to them that sets the tone for future.

WaxingGibbon · 22/02/2014 17:41

Jesus needsmorecake that really is terrible Sad

SauvignonBlanche · 22/02/2014 17:42

DD's 13 now and has started her periods fairly recently. I was a bit Hmm when she first requested crop tops in Yr5 but I'm so glad I listened to her and supported her in her request.

We can talk about things easily at present and I've just supported her through trying tampons.

I'm just going to check she's got enough after Needsmorecake's post.

PandaFeet · 22/02/2014 17:43

When I turned to my mum about shaving and periods, she did listen and explain. But actually, I found it very difficult to go to her in the first place.

Mostly because she said no to a "bra top" as I called it when I asked for one. It was just a crop top. When I was in my late teens I told her that I didn't understand why she wouldn't get me one and it became apparent that she thought I meant an actual bra, and that she would have got me a crop top. So that was a shame.

I just used the razor in the bathroom to shave a tiny bit of my leg to see what it was like. I darent approach her. But she must have seen it had been used and she asked me about it. She said no for about two weeks and then changed her mind.

ProfYaffle · 22/02/2014 17:44

Thetallesttower I feel similar. I have 7 yo and almost 10yo dds. My eldest started wearing crop tops a few months ago. She's never liked vests and never worn them but was starting to get sore nipples so I bought her some crop tops as the only solution I could think of. She then mentioned that most of the girls in her class wear them which was a bit of a surprise as she hadn't brought the subject up.

She actually feels more self conscious wearing a crop top so doesn't wear one on pe days.

SauvignonBlanche · 22/02/2014 17:47

I've just shed a little tear remembering DD's blushing face and my confusion (as I didn't know what they were) when she asked for crop tops.
She was so cute before her hormones kicked in!

midnightagents · 22/02/2014 17:48

I think yabu. I dont see the harm, surely its better for her to be comfortable, whether that be from covering up or from not being singled out by the other girls?

bodybooboo · 22/02/2014 18:10

I actually wonder apart from needsmore post which is essential cruelty to a child, does this refusing to listen or support a child emotionally may be to do with parents refusing to accept their child is growing up and as such they too are growing older.

I would walk over broken glass to prevent my kids from being picked on it teased over stuff I can help with/ change.

my dd of 15.6 months has asked about contraception. she has had the same boyfriend for 2 years and is very mature and sensible.

I feel blessed she trusts me.

Fullpleatherjacket · 22/02/2014 18:15

What will she wear if you don't get her one, OP and what harmful effect do you think wearing one might have?

You seem to be projecting your own issues on conformity rather than respecting her views on what's a pretty minor matter.

SuburbanRhonda · 22/02/2014 18:18

body I read that as "my dd of 15.6 months", i.e. a year and a bit Shock

Wishihadabs · 22/02/2014 18:19

Terrible needsmorecake ! Although my dm was similar.....surely you don't need more, what do you mean you have got your period again? Awful, awful really. I developed quickly at 12 and remember having to ask for a bra and the horror she bought me.

Ds is nearly 10 and I have just bought him deodorant at his request....I don't think he needs it but he does and that's what counts. Op please buy your daughter what she needs.

Needsmorecake · 22/02/2014 18:27

wishihad, yeah. Im sure its happened to more people than people think. Sorry it happened to you too. Its good your daughter has come to you to talk to you about that, sign you must be doing a good job :)

bodyboo, interesting point there, it might be something to do with that. or parents having a hard time realising their child is growing up and they cant stop it, or their child is their own person and cant be controlled because they are not 3.

bodybooboo · 22/02/2014 18:34

ooh Suburban Grin

needs yes it's just a bloody awful thing to do to your children. I hope you are as over your horrible experiences as you can ever be.

your posts brought tears to my eyes.

bodybooboo · 22/02/2014 18:36

and on a more frivolous point helping your children through these issues is actually fun.

sonlypuppyfat · 22/02/2014 18:40

My DD wears a vest in winter and a crop top in summer. No big deal I think it just lets girls get used to wearing something round their chests.

stooshe · 22/02/2014 18:47

This reply has been deleted

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HadABadDay2014 · 22/02/2014 18:52

My daughter is 4 and it's her body and her choice ( apart from piercings and tattoo until she is old enough to understand the choice)

When she wants a crop top she can have 1, when she wants to start shaving she can, her period products will be her own choice.