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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 8 is too young to wear a crop top (in place of a vest)

268 replies

MrsGoslingWannabe · 22/02/2014 00:33

DD wants a "child bra". She means a crop top and said "all the girls in her class have them" (not true). I hate it but I imagine that at PE changing time there is now a discussion over who has them and the fact that those who don't are "showing their boobies". I hate the pressure to conform.

OP posts:
SomethingkindaOod · 22/02/2014 15:37

Right, just double checked with DD1. None of the girls in her class wear crop tops, some wear vests and one wears a bra. They all get changed together with the boys in the classroom and DD certainly doesn't see the need to wear a vest never mind a crop top. She did reassure me that if she ever feels the need to wear something like the ones in the M&S link up thread she will tell me.
Then she went back to minecraft...

KuppiKahvia · 22/02/2014 15:55

Do you know mumsnet has changed my life (and that of my family) in so many little ways.

This thread is so insightful and useful, my instinct would have been that she is too young, but I stand corrected, my dd's are lucky to have such a great nest of vipers in their lives:)

IneedAsockamnesty · 22/02/2014 16:25

. Mums who want to delay crop tops are not doing so out of ignorance, I'm sure if her dd was developing etc and needed support then she would let her wear them!

Bollocks,

They are not a bra nor are they designed to be a supportive item of underwear,they are nothing more than a vest designed for girls who feel longline vests are for much younger children.

If your dd requires a supportive garment and you think these are ok for that then you are a infantilising cruel mother

DomesticSlobbess · 22/02/2014 16:29

As pretty much everyone else has said, YABU. Your DD might not have anything up top yet, but she is obviously becoming aware of her body and starting to feel self conscious. Get her the crop top.

I was wearing my first bra at 8. I also started growing armpit hair and by 12 my legs were like a small forest. My mum said I was too young to be shaving my legs but eventually gave in when people at school started commenting on them. I was in tears and was so self conscious. I wish she had allowed me to shave them before the comments started.

I know this is a bit different, but the reasoning behind it is the same. Your DD is growing up and doesn't want to be the odd one out and wants to fit in before people start making comments. Please listen to her.

jamtoast12 · 22/02/2014 16:39

Actually i think crop tops are more for the in between stage between vest and bra when a girl doesn't quite need a bra but needs something. That's how they we worn when I was younger. I've not heard many (except on here!) refer to them as a shorter version of a vest. For a self conscious child who has no breast deleopment at all, i find it odd that they feel less self conscious in a crop top (exposing so much more of the belly) etc than a vest. As for vests being for young kids, that kind of attitude stems from parents surely.

bodybooboo · 22/02/2014 16:39

what a fuss about absolutely nothing.

I would certainly get her one if she wants one. why not?

some posters are funny here as in if their child asks for something you would automatically say no!

do these same posters never buy themselves anything they want either?

it's a little top. far bigger battles ahead. get her inside and support her.

bodybooboo · 22/02/2014 16:40

oh and both my dds were/are tiny and started their periods at 10!! I was 14 so things start earlier these days.

NothingMoreScaryThanAHairyMary · 22/02/2014 16:49

My dd is 8.she was the first in her class to wear a crop top. (Spent all summer asking for one after seeing her older 10yr old cousin in one). I held out for a term but she has breast buds so I agreed she could get some. She got teased by a couple of boys the first few pe sessions but that was dealt with now many if her friends wear them.

I don't regard a crop top in the same way I do a bra.

NatashaBee · 22/02/2014 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuburbanRhonda · 22/02/2014 16:51

jam, it's irrelevant what you think about crop tops. No-one is asking you to wear one.

And how do you know none of the girls in your DD's class wear crop tops? Hmm

jamtoast12 · 22/02/2014 16:55

Because I asked dd as all the girls get changed for PE together! she says they wear the long cotton vests or nothing at all. She hadn't even seen a crop top until a friend showed her one recently (in different school). I'm sure once one girl in the class buys one, they'll all want one though.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 22/02/2014 17:00

H&M do a cotton vest with spaggetti (sp??) straps. Some of them have sparkly stuff on the trim or body, they are also available in plain white, gray & black. They look like a nice tank-top t-shirt, rather than a traditional vest.
That might be an acceptable compromise?

SuburbanRhonda · 22/02/2014 17:01

jam, why on earth would you ask your DD to check? And why does it matter what others girls do anyway? This is clearly a very personal thing - some girls feel comfortable in vests, some in crop tops, because they all develop at different rates and have different views about what feels right for them and their body.

Isn't it a bit insulting to claim that girls have no idea about what feels right for them and just blindly follow the crowd when it comes to underwear, ffs? Shock

frogslegs35 · 22/02/2014 17:04

yabu - it's just a shortened version of a vest for older girls before puberty imo.
It's age appropriate and not as if she's asking for thongs.
I wore them at that age and so did my sisters.
If I had a daughter ( up to now, I don't) I wouldn't mind.

SinkOrGin · 22/02/2014 17:06

My youngest dd (9) hasn't asked yet, but I gave them to her sisters as soon as they asked.

I'm from the camp that thinks these small requests/conversations are so important in setting up the relationship you will have in the future. DD3 did ask for help recently as boys were laughing at her hairy legs. We had a chat about it , I bought some Nair and told her whenever she wanted me to help her we'd just get rid of it. The Nair is still in the cupboard, her legs are still hairy, but she knows now that anything embarrassing/worrying she just has to come to mummy and it won't be a problem.

Saying no to crop tops would make me worry about her feeling comfortable asking for a bra. And I would not want to be the one to choose the day to announce she NEEDS a bra as that could be much sooner or later than SHE is comfortable with.

IneedAsockamnesty · 22/02/2014 17:13

Jam.

Vests are often things that many people get rather raised eyebrows about when they see babies toddlers and very young children not wearing you don't often fret when over 6/7's don't wear them,that's why lots of children perceive them as babyish.

If a girl needs any support whatsoever she will not get it from a child's crop vest top.

Before she requires a bra it's highly likely she may require an additional layer of fabric for modesty reasons but she will not get any support from it.

What on earth is the point in insisting she gets it from an item that also covers her tummy if she does not wish to? Perhaps she has no feeling of shame or worry over her tummy at all,surely that's a good thing.

jamtoast12 · 22/02/2014 17:13

I didn't ask her to check! She asked what one was when she saw her friends recently. She then asked for one, I said no and then out of curiosity I asked if any of her friends had one and she said no! End of the conversation and I know 100% dd would have had no qualms about asking and asking if she really wanted one! She was merely interested as her friend had one. I'm sure she'll ask again once her school mates start getting them and I'd re consider then. There's no way I'd leave her in a vest if she'd feel singled out etc.

bodybooboo · 22/02/2014 17:15

SinkOrGin so so agree with you. listening to your children and supporting/understanding their feelings at this sensitive age really is crucial to a close relationship as they hit the teen years.

allowing your dd, for example, to be teased for having hairy legs and ignoring this because you don't felt shaving/hair removing cream appropriate is absolutely dreadful parenting.

IneedAsockamnesty · 22/02/2014 17:16

Out of interest what are your views towards San pro when needed? Do you feel you need to let your dd use a particular type or is she free to try and use what ever she wishes?

Spottybra · 22/02/2014 17:18

Why don't you do a compromise? Four crop tops and four long line spaghetti strap vests?

Thetallesttower · 22/02/2014 17:20

I have also learned something from this thread, I had no idea it was the norm for many girls between 8 and 10 to wear crop tops! I have an 8 and a 10 year old and no-one has mentioned anything, and we have talked a lot about body changes/puberty/hair growth, my eldest has started growing/hair etc but no requests for crop tops.

I feel less against them than I would if I hadn't read this thread. I would have thought them inappropriate as mimicking a bra, but now I think about it I don't really see why they shouldn't have one if they want one.

All this covering up/modesty though- surely having a crop top on when changing for pe is highlighting the breast area and implying there is something to cover up. I am wondering what my eldest dd does and whether she is self-conscious at all now and wants one.

jamtoast12 · 22/02/2014 17:22

Sanitory protection? I hadn't even thought about it! I expect I'll show her the options available and let her choose. Dd has seen the various options around the house, from myself and is familiar with what they are used for.

I started with pads as I was only 9 but recently spoke to a friend whose mum started her on tampons from age 11 and she intends on her kids starting on tampons. I have no idea at all....I can't imagine many kids wanting to start on tampons but they're certainly my personal preference. I suppose the options likely depend on age of onset.

Needsmorecake · 22/02/2014 17:25

ive been thinking about this all afternoon, with regards to general mothers attitudes..

along with the not being allowed to shave my legs, san pro was also ' rationed' i had to ask each time i wanted a new towel. I wasnt allowed tampons. I didnt start till i was 16, i had awful periods and used to flood with full on massive clots regulary. I could flood a towel in 20mins. I did once, my mother told me i was being silly and wasteful and threw all sorts of insults at me. She made me show her my bloody filled sanitary towel in order for me to get a new one. It was mortifying, i was 16.

I will never do anything like that to my child.

Shes said she wants a crop top, then get her a crop top. Its her body and her emotions. Its very unfair to try to put that much control over someone else.

bodybooboo · 22/02/2014 17:27

jam my dds started on pads and like me hated them.

they started to use tampons at 10 and much prefer them. you go with them really.

SauvignonBlanche · 22/02/2014 17:28

I'm sorry Needsmorecake, that's horrible. Sad

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