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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly confused, irritated and upset that my dh will NOT discuss baby names?

104 replies

mameulah · 20/02/2014 20:45

This is our second baby and it took nine months and three days to name our first baby.

Please tell me that my husband is not the only person like this. I absolutely do not understand it.

OP posts:
Original poster
mameulah · 20/02/2014 20:45

I am only four months pregnant by the way, but we have already fallen out over it.

OP posts:
Minnieisthedevilmouse · 20/02/2014 20:46

Wow. Sorry but I've never known anything like that. Are you sure he wants them....? Are they thing one and two...?

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 20/02/2014 20:47

Just name/register yourself?

jellybaby25 · 20/02/2014 20:47

Do you mean you didn't name your baby until s/he was 9 months and 3 months old, or you named him/her 3 days after birth? If the former, how did you register the birth??

Writerwannabe83 · 20/02/2014 20:48

Has he said why he doesn't want to discuss them??

I'm due in 5 weeks and me and me and DH started chatting about names from the start - we became much more focused on the matter when we found out the sex when I was 16 weeks. We didn't really decide upon one though until I was gone 30 weeks though we are aware we may change our minds once baby actually arrives Smile

jellybaby25 · 20/02/2014 20:48

I think Minnie is right --- just name the baby yourself! Ridiculous!

lazyhound444 · 20/02/2014 20:48

Do you mean you named the baby when it was over 9 months old, or the whole pregnancy plus 3 days? I don't understand, I thought you had to register the birth within 3 weeks.

FrankelInFoal · 20/02/2014 20:49

You have 42 days to register the birth jellybaby

Littlefish · 20/02/2014 20:49

Do you mean that you didn't name your first baby until he/she was 3 days old? If so, that doesn't sound particularly unusual to me.

You're only 4 months pregnant - just drop the subject and raise it again in a few months time.

TheGreatHunt · 20/02/2014 20:50

Do you mean 9 months while pregnant?

Just make your own list, share them on the baby names board and present options when baby is born.

Original poster
mameulah · 20/02/2014 20:51

He definitely, definitely, definitely wants them. There is absolutely no issue with that. We had our gender scan this evening and he especially took time off work. He is delighted with our pfb ds and I know he is excited and delighted about the arrival of our precious born second dear son. He is straight forward and rationale about everything else. I just find it inexplicable. It upset me so much when pfb arrived, and not having a name for him. Full of hormones and fatigue and all. I have made my point. I have made it clear that I will not be giving birth to a baby that I am not allowed to name. I have spent the whole evening skipping round in circles making fun suggestions about names. But he is not up for it and has basically stormed off in a huff.

And, definitely, definitely, definitely, no problem about me being pregnant or him being an interested or dedicated father.

It is just me. Isn't it?

OP posts:
Original poster
mameulah · 20/02/2014 20:52

I mean we named our pfb ds when he was three days old. But we had had nine months of pregnancy to discuss it.

Honestly, there is nothing that puts him in a bad mood faster than discussing (me discussing) baby names.

I just don't understand it.

OP posts:
curiousuze · 20/02/2014 20:52

Is he superstitious about it or something? Otherwise I'd just leave it, and choose the name myself.

Original poster
mameulah · 20/02/2014 20:53

What? And just start calling it that name?

OP posts:
Original poster
mameulah · 20/02/2014 20:54

He isn't superstitious.

OP posts:
lazyhound444 · 20/02/2014 20:54

With your second post clarifying YA most definitely BU. I know couples who didn't name their babies until the deadline for registration and even then they weren't in total agreement.

He probably doesn't want to jinx it, leave the poor guy alone.

mrsjay · 20/02/2014 20:54

I didnt have names for my babies when they were born I am not sure why you are getting your knickers in a twist about this I know you are excited but 5 months is a long time to wait for a baby and to talk about names is not a huge deal this early on for some people, I think it might just bne you lovey relax what names do you like we will talk about names Grin

LittleBonnie · 20/02/2014 20:56

Be careful..my DH totally refused to discuss baby names saying it was not something he was interested in talking about (he was interested in the baby, just not interested in mulling over all the different names). I therefore decided the name by myself and mentally called the bump that name for 9 months. A week past the due date he said the name I'd chosen for a boy would make him get picked on in the playground and was horrid! So we rapidly chose a new name which worked out great in the long run but I felt cheated of the months of cosy name chats.

Original poster
mameulah · 20/02/2014 20:56

I am getting my knickers in a knot because it was SUCH a drama last time. And it really, really upset me not having a name. And I feel cheated out of the whole fun of name discussions. If he appeared open to it then I would be more relaxed but he puts up this brick wall and gets cross.

It is absolutely beyond me, and totally out of character.

And, honestly there is no issue with him not being excited about our growing family.

OP posts:
curiousuze · 20/02/2014 20:58

Sorry I don't think I understand what's annoying you - DH doesn't want to choose a name. I suggested you choose one. I don't think this is a weird suggestion!

screamingeels · 20/02/2014 20:58

Assuming your baby wasn't nameless 'til nearly a year old - which would definitely be weird - my DH was exactly like this.

When I was pregnant with DD, I'd make lists, he'd just say no to all of them and never offer any ideas of his own. DD was named at 8 days and it wasn't on any of my lists. With DS didn't even bother trying until he was born.

I think it just wasn't meaningful to him til they were here.

Original poster
mameulah · 20/02/2014 20:59

Exactly LittleBonnie. Exactly.

I did that too, only for the three days in the hospital, but then changing his name. It really messed with me and certainly pushed me towards, but thankfully not down, the pnd road.

I don't at all think I am BU to know that I don't want to be left in that vulnerable situation again.

But most of all I don't understand what the drama is. It was never a big deal. He has certainly made it one by having this weird, weird reaction to it.

OP posts:
Original poster
mameulah · 20/02/2014 21:00

He does want to choose a name. There is NO WAY he wants it to be a choice that I have on my own.

He happily rejects all of my choices and does not EVER come up with his own one.

OP posts:
campion · 20/02/2014 21:00

Just tell him the baby's name after you've registered him/her.

Is he in a sulk because he can't have his own way about it?

pianodoodle · 20/02/2014 21:01

I like to be organised both of ours had first and middle names by the time I was about 7 months pregnant Grin

It was nice as well for our toddler as she called the bump by DS's name and was used to talking about him lots before he arrived.

I suppose it's a luxury they had to do without before scans were invented :)