To be utterly confused, irritated and upset that my dh will NOT discuss baby names?

[mameulah]

This is our second baby and it took nine months and three days to name our first baby.

Please tell me that my husband is not the only person like this. I absolutely do not understand it.

Sorry, but don't think there's much you can do about it :) My OH wouldn't discuss it for a few months either, but eventually we did get round to it. Have a list of your faves ready to discuss when baby is born, or hang it on the fridge for him to see. I had two names I liked, OH said 'no way' to them both, but changed his mind after a few months getting used to it. Now baby will have that name! I know of lots of people who don't have names ready at all until after birth, and I wasn't named for 3 months after being born :P

Is there some really outrageous name you'd be willing to call your baby as a nn whilst pg? Something you'd never actually call him!

Start occasionally calling him that. Do it when it's just you but you know DH is listening.

A few weeks later start doing it more often when it's obvious to DH you a aware he's listening.

Then move onto openly calling the baby this name.

If DH says anything just say your not ready to discuss baby names until at least a day after he's born -as before.

When you have newborn ds in your arms welcome baby outrageous nn. Something tells me your baby will have a name soon after birth of not a few possibilities before that

Ok, maybe slightly childish and a stupid game but would be fun I don't think your being that U in just wanting to at least mention a name or 2 you like.

Maybe, like me in fairness, he simply cannot understand why it is so stressful for you not to have a name picked. Maybe he feels as though he might change his mind once he sees the baby and doesn't want to have to discuss it all again once you are in your sleep deprived, post labour state and run the risk of upsetting you even more if he doesn't think the name you have picked suits the baby. We didn't have anything more than jokey conversations about what our son would be called before he was born, and although obviously you and I are very different people, I can't really imagine how much 'fun' it would be to discuss it for another five months.
I honestly am not meaning to be mean, but it sounds like part of the stress you are experiencing is remembering the stress from your first child, but actually it worked out fine didn't it? So he was right that it is ok to choose a name once the baby is born and be perfectly happy with it.
I really don't think ultimatums or threatening him with having no say at all will help this - do you really want to call your baby a name his father might hate just to prove a point? And would you really go through with it if he still refuses? I just think that you might be making more stress rather than reducing it, and you could definitely do without that.

what dojo said really saying oh well I am naming the baby if you wont is really going to get his back up maybe he just sees it as too soon yet pick names on your own atm he will help pick a name, once the baby is here,

skipping around? Christ on a bike.

Call it Bob until it's born.

He doesn't want to play at the name game, it's fucking obvious .

He may give slightly more of a shit when it's born and you actually have to choose it.

I completely get the stress over not having a name to call DC when they arrive. I felt the baby was such an abstract idea I needed a name to make me feel bonded. I realise not everyone will feel like that.
Maybe a nn is the way forward. My friends called the bump beansprout (since she was that big when they found out about her). She still gets called it now (she's nearly 5). The second bump currently has a nickname too. It's lovely to say "When we meet beansprout..." etc.

I know a girl who has her bump name as a middle name i am not going to say it obviously but it is quite cheesey twee

We did discuss names quite a lot and still didn't officially name our dss until they were about a week old. Your dhs vehement opposition does sound lile more than indifference. Maybe although he isn't usually superstitious he is when it comes to naming baby.

have to asked him straight out why he is behaving like this?

He might be like DH who doesn't really engage with the baby before he meets it. You're there with every flutter and wriggle etc but apart from scans it's more of a concept than a person. Therefore the baby is adequate to describe it.

I had to leave it until the 30 week mark before giving him the book and demanding a list for consideration.

I think YABU a bit,

maybe your DH does not think name games are fun just a waste of time, you need to talk but not about names but his thinking he may say, as my DH did I do not think i can name someone I have not met, we''ll see when baby is born or maybe he thinks well I'll discuss it at 8 months but now is just too soon i do not want to be discussing names for next 4-5 months we decided on DD name the day she was born it was a name we had not discussed before we already had second name as we had agreed to his grandmothers name as second name, would have been first name if my niece had not been called that already

you say he wants the baby is excited etc but just does not want to name baby countless people decide on a name then when the baby is born change their mind, so how would you feel if you had a big discussion and decided on Charles for example and then when he was born either you or DH decided Charles does not suit him, you are back to square 1

you have 4-5 months left I would suggest you back off the name thing for a few weeks then bring subject up again but not as we must get a name now but rather I would like to decide on a name before he is born as last time I found it upsetting not having a name straightaway in fact it was really really hard for me and stressful and I do not want that stress this time so I would like to decide a name before 37 weeks

Ds1 didn't have a name for three days, and both ds2 and dd were a week in the deciding...this was after they were born.

I think you are making way too much of having a name the very second he is born, and certainly you don't need to dicuss it right this very minute when you are only four months in.
I find your intensity in the need to discuss and have a name a bit manic and overwrought. Maybe your dh thinks the same?

I'm not trying to put you down...rather illustrate that not everyone feels the fervour you do about needing to do this...I personally would have found it too full on. You've got months to decide.

My dh wasn't remotely interested in discussing names during pgcy. He said 'I haven't even seen him (or her) yet...how can I choose a name?'

I bandied loads about and he generally screwed his face up at them all and went naaaahh...

I didn't get myself all upset about that though. I knew we'd choose a name in the end, and we did. No problem.

My DH wasn't interested in talking about names until they were born. I was a bit disconcerted at first, but he's a a very logical person and it made sense to him.

So I just rolled with it, looked at the baby name books after they were born. I'm sure one of ours wasn't named fir 3 weeks as we were too tired to have a chat about it.

Didn't affect the bonding process, I'm pretty sure, nor did not finding out the sex.

Good luck with the pregnancy.

Similar stories there, hey pictish?

Similar stories there, hey pictish?

If I have learned one thing after 20 years of marriage it's choose your battles.

Your dh is excited to have a second child, adores his first child, and all else is well.

He doesn't want to discuss baby names. So what? Have a list, put them to him after the birth and decide together then.

I understand it's upsetting you but in the big scheme of things it's nothing. Nothing at all. The baby will have a name. It will be a name you both like.

Similar stories there, hey pictish?

Stupid gadget, sorry.

It's a lot bit unfair of your man to put the kibosh on all name discussions. It's one of the fun bits of pregnancy.

YANBU

My oh was kind of like this too with our dd until I was about 6 months gone he refused any discussion of names he desperately wanted our baby that was never ever in question. I think it came down to me having a tendency to obsess and change my mind about things quite quickly so there was a lot of lively discussions when the time came to chat- I think he was trying to limit any arguements in fairness and we did there in the end but I couldn't have waited until dd was actually born before having a discussion! That would have drive mad

Of course I once said to DH when pg that if the baby was black, we'd call her Ebony as I love the name Ebony. DH and I are both white, fuck knows why I said that nappy brain?? ... Probably this is typical of the reasons dads to be don't like name conversations.

I think you should call the baby Plato.

Russian

I had similar, but my EX was a prize twunt

but yes, 3 days? that's nothing. try 6 weeks

then a name change

he was SH*T at talking about names didn't want to do it art all, had a fixed idea and no room for negotiating, found it boring yadayadayada. IN the end I named DD and by DS I had given up and let him choose whatever but then it took dynamite to get him to accompany me to the registration..