Bank account details on wedding invite!

[Passthesaltdear]

Yep so...got an evening guest invite few days ago, had the usual "we-ve been living together for ages now and have everything we want but if you are so inclined we would love some money for honeymoon etc..." Then at the bottom is the couple's account name, number and sort code so money can be paid directly in! I was shocked, is it me or is this really cheeky?!

That's horrible, just the tackiest thing ever! I can't believe anyone would have the brass neck!

It will catch up here! I'm telling ya.
Just give it a couple of years and you'll all be doing it!

Ah, well you learn something new everyday!

Someone please explain - just how is this different to charging an entrance fee?

It's just very practical. When people used to get married very young and with nothing to their name, it made absolute sense to give them a few bits and pieces to help them start living in their new abode.
That is not the case these days, they may not want anything from John Lewis, so instead, give them money that you can use as they wish.

It's common in some cultures to give money, and transferring directly into a bank account is more secure than handing over a cash-filled envelope (like we got at our wedding). Some MNers would have DIED if they'd gone to my friend's wedding and seen the safe with a slot in the top to put your envelopes of cash through.

Friends of ours did this. They set up a new account as their 'furniture fund' because they were moving into an unfurnished rented flat. I didn't think anything of it to be honest. If that's what they want.

And I've had this discussion endlessly with DP and friends. A gift list/giving presents is a very anglo saxon thing (as are the hang ups). When discussing with wedding-safe friend and saying we were having a gift list, he was appalled "why give people stuff they don't really want? Why not just give them cash so they can choose what they want and how to spend it?"

And it's not about being grabby, its' about helping a new family have a good start in life.

My brother did this, so disgusted with him!!!

For me I think that giving money via a bank account makes it very transactional, absolutely no thought or personal touch involved. Even writing a cheque is more personal. I dont like invites that ask for anything, it just always seems in bad taste, however well it is requested.

You don't ask gifts of evening guests. Day guests acceptable, evening-only no no no.

I hate it when people ask for money,might be practical but it's too grabby to ask!!

On a serious note they are leaving themselves open to fraud if a guest or relative was that way inclined. If you know their signature and address and then their bank and personal details it would be quite easy to take out loans or credit cards I would have thought.

Happens all the time around here.

Cash only / pay into bank a/c / donate to holiday account etc. As well as the usual gift lists.

I can't be bothered to get worked up about it TBH. And am shit at buying presents so TBH any of those take the pressure off a bit!

"When people used to get married very young and with nothing to their name, it made absolute sense to give them a few bits and pieces to help them start living in their new abode. That is not the case these days"

Yes. But I think the big gulf here is in the next logical step.

Either

"The purpose of wedding gifts was to make sure a couple had the stuff they needed. Therefore if they already have the stuff they need a gift is entirely optional and at the discretion of the guest, i.e. something they particularly want to give."

Or

"The purpose of wedding gifts is to give a couple a certain value of stuff. Therefore if they already have the stuff they need they should be given the equivalent value in cash instead."

(slightly oversimplifying and overpolarising those points of view, but I think that's why these threads always degenerate into two camps who really can't see what the other camp is on about).

What about if they used a paypal email address to pay money into? I think that would've been okay. There's no point pretending times aren't tough and people aren't cash strapped, I think asking for money is totally fine. I just wouldn't personally but my bank account details public like that incase of fraud.

No, can't see what the problem is. But again, I'm from a country where this is commonly done and not seen as any more grabby than wedding gifts from a predetermined shop. And I really can't see the difference between the two options.

(to answer the OP's question: I'm from Estonia)

"The purpose of wedding gifts is to give a couple a certain value of stuff. Therefore if they already have the stuff they need they should be given the equivalent value in cash instead."

Then charge admission.

Isn't there a culture / country where people pin money to the bride? I seem to remember seeing a picture of that.

This is this culture.

I think it's fine, we've just received one as well, it's the easiest way to transfer money and they have said they will be donating a percentage to charity. The wedding is low key, unfussy and as un-Bridezilla-like as you can imagine. I really don't have a problem with it.

And - as a separate issue - if someone can use those details to apply for a loan, then there should be a physical letter sent by the bank to your address saying that credit / a loan has been set up in your name and do you please want to confirm that?

But, as Clarkson showed, someone can set up a DD and take at least the first payment without that.

Which is why the whole direct debit system is crap and open to abuse. It should be much better to protect people by getting the bank to actually check first.