Bank account details on wedding invite!

[Passthesaltdear]

Yep so...got an evening guest invite few days ago, had the usual "we-ve been living together for ages now and have everything we want but if you are so inclined we would love some money for honeymoon etc..." Then at the bottom is the couple's account name, number and sort code so money can be paid directly in! I was shocked, is it me or is this really cheeky?!

I can't believe the fuss over this. It's such a common thing nowadays now that people live together before marriage.It's an alternative to a gift list, which nobody seems to complain about. If you have everything you need in the home, it makes sense.
Usually contributions towards a honeymoon will be suggested as an alternative to a gift list, but worded along the lines of 'we don't expect gifts, but if you would like....' Some gifts are still given and obviously appreciated by the couple, so it's not as if the option isn't there. Surely you would want the money that you are contributing to that couple to be something they really want, instead of them receiving 20 toasters! I really don't see the bank details as being any different to cash or cheques in an envelope or ordering something off an online gift list. Weddings are so expensive, it is no surprise that this is becoming more common. I would say that a gift list which has no item less than £50 is worse than this.

Oh, that's shocking! And I'm a person that's all up for requesting money as opposed to random shit that you'd have no use for!

This is one of those things nobody is going to change their mind on - either you think it's rude or you don't.

I am firmly in the "rude" camp.

"No gifts please" - fine. Though most people are not going to turn up to a wedding with one arm as long as the other, so you will probably get given money/ vouchers and some gifts. So just accept them graciously.

"If you would like to get us a gift, we would particularly like X" - also OK.

Not mentioning gifts at all - fine too

"No gifts please, we have everything we need - but please give us money instead" - not fine, but rude and ungracious. To me it says "Our wedding guests have such poor taste that they could only possibly choose something crap that we would hate - and we certainly don't have the grace to accept any such gifts in the spirit in which they were given. It's our wedding and we have to control every aspect of it".

It does seem cheeky. Is it any more cheeky than having a list and telling people to buy you something off it? I think that's worse personally. We didn't do either because we didn't want gifts so some people gave us money but some turned up with really strange gifts that we didn't want (a set of 5 different peelers etc).
So it is good to be practical I guess.

Is this for real?

oaksettle, I think the point of wedding gifts was and still is for people to show their fondness for a couple by giving a gift.
Just like it is for birthdays

It was practical for the gift to be something that the couple could use to set up home, but even in cultures where the couple move in with the parents - ie don't need to set up a home - it is still traditional to give a gift. And often that gift is money.

Coming from an anglo-indian family and having married into an Irish one, I can't remember the last wedding I went to where we didn't give money either in the form of vouchers, honeymoon contributions or cold hard cash, but NOTHING gets MN quoting passages of Debretts like a good ol' wedding present thread.

Incidentally, I believe Debretts is now OK with the concept of money for wedding gifts...

This is the modern world…unbelievable!

Set up some direct debits.

Old thread

There is no way I would go to a wedding without giving something, and I vastly prefer to give money than shop from a gift list. I've been invited to a wedding on the west coast of the USA in late December, which is obviously not the cheapest time of the year for guests to fly (and most would be coming from Europe or the East Coast). The gift list includes a $700 blender, a $400 casserole dish, a vacuum cleaner that costs $750 and a set of pans at $1500. Yes, there are cheaper items, but I'm not about to give them one $40 salad bowl out of a set of six requested. I am not going to the wedding anyway due to costs of flights and accommodation, but if I had been, I would have ignored the gift list and just given what I felt comfortable with (about £50 per person attending). Though, as the couple has very expensive tastes, I doubt that this would have bought them a tin opener.

Mmm, I wouldn't do it myself but I wouldn't mind if I received an invite with the bank details on. It would be very convenient and I like to give people something they want rather that tat that they don't want.

Most people will want to give a gift so why make it anymore complicated.

( I don't like poems though )

ZOMBIE THREAD doh!