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Original poster

Bank account details on wedding invite!

313 replies

Passthesaltdear · 20/02/2014 17:21

Yep so...got an evening guest invite few days ago, had the usual "we-ve been living together for ages now and have everything we want but if you are so inclined we would love some money for honeymoon etc..." Then at the bottom is the couple's account name, number and sort code so money can be paid directly in! I was shocked, is it me or is this really cheeky?!

OP posts:
mumteedum · 20/02/2014 22:23

Exactly catsmother.

We had this last year. Couldnt afford to attend wedding abroad. Still sent standard email detailing 'no gifts' 'cash only with your name on it, towards New house'. Was totally embarrassed. We're skint. They're very much not. We had tiny wedding when we got married few years ago. Sent no gift list or other expectations out. Had nothing from most people including them(so obviously people only feel need to get gifts if they attend?).

I invited them over so I could do nice celebration with them when they came back. Hasn't happened. V sad. They're obv grabby and I didn't realise. I had wanted to get them a gift but they put me off buying a 'thing' and I just couldn't send cash as it'd look pathetic fir the amount I could afford.

Blithereens · 20/02/2014 22:24

This happened to me once!!! Shocking.

expatinscotland · 20/02/2014 22:35

'if its a couple who already live together then what's wrong with asking for money? '

Because if you don't need gifts, you don't need money.

phantomnamechanger · 20/02/2014 22:40

hear hear catsmother! 100% agree

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 20/02/2014 22:43

Why on earth wouldn't you trust people you have invited to your wedding with bank details? It's not as if you are giving it to a bunch of strangers which you may well be doing when you pay for something by cheque.

Crowler · 20/02/2014 22:45

That's outrageous. I am properly shocked.

expatinscotland · 20/02/2014 22:53

'Surely better than yet another silver money box.'

Because that's all you can trust guests to give. Instead you have to tout them for money like a beggar.

MichonnesSamuraiSword · 20/02/2014 22:58

I think mn is the only place in the world where expecting wedding gifts is thought of as grabby

I think expecting gifts of any type is the definition of grabby. A gift is a gift, not an obligation.

I would be seriously pissed off to see this on a wedding invitation.

Crowler · 20/02/2014 23:04

You are absolutely NOT supposed to expect wedding presents. Some of your guests will not be able to afford them.

I wouldn't even attend this wedding, I'd tell the bride to consider the cost of my forgone dinner her present.

MichonnesSamuraiSword · 20/02/2014 23:04

Does anyone else do what I do - completely ignore any demands for money, or gift lists, and just bring whatever I want as a gift? Usually a bottle of champagne if it's a couple I'm not particularly close to.

The way I always look at gifts is to ask myself 1. would I be happy to receive that? and 2. Would it matter if the B&G received more than one of that item?

The answer, with champagne is obviously 1. YES. and 2. NO. So that's what I usually do.

And any B&G who may have been offended by my choice of gift can fuck right off.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 20/02/2014 23:07

I've never viewed them as being demands, just suggestions.

findingherfeet · 20/02/2014 23:07

Gosh I just think that is rude ShockShock

Panzee · 20/02/2014 23:10

expatinscotland I think you may have misunderstood me. I was doing the enquiring about Christening gifts, not the suggestions. 'Twas not me "touting for money like a beggar" as you so delightfully put it.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 20/02/2014 23:13

I think I would have been in the Shock brigade, but this week I received an invite from my cousin for his wedding. Lovely, lovely guy and a lovely couple - they phrased their "gifty" bit very nicely, saying that they absolutely don't expect presents, but that if people were insistent they had a small list with JL or would be grateful for donations towards the honeymoon - bank details included. I'm not really wild about people asking for money for the honeymoon (another thread, I'm sure) but I didn't have a problem with the inclusion of the bank details. It's the easiest way, I'm sure.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 20/02/2014 23:15

I would much rather contribute towards a honeymoon or whatever than buy an item that is unwanted and unnecessary. It is just a waste to buy a toaster or whatever that is duplicated or not needed.

I have 2 pending wedding invites that have both come without any suggestion of a gift list.

Couple 1 are in 30s and have a baby and have lived together for several years. Couple 2 also have lived together for several years and are both older and previously widowed/divorced.

I will buy them both champagne/other booze and/or vouchers for somewhere like M&S (can buy food or household items and we are nowhere near a mums net favourite treaty overpriced John Lewis).

For those of you questioning the sensibility of giving out bank details, are you not aware that if you hand out a cheque, it contains details of you're bank account and a copy of your signature Hmm.

Crowler · 20/02/2014 23:18

People who are inclined to give cash are going to give cash in any case. It's not as though they're going to be scratching their heads saying, now how in the devil am I going to manage a cash gift? (Cash in an envelope! Cheque in an envelope!)

I understand wanting cash over useless gifts. But there are lots of things that I want that I can't ask for because it's rude.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 20/02/2014 23:20

I'd far rather give what they want than buy something they may not like (champagne would fall into that category for me) and if they would like cash it's absolutely fine.

mumteedum · 20/02/2014 23:21

Actually the upside of bank details could be anonymity. I think it only shows ref number ie what you type in. I'd prefer that to cash in envelope with your name on it as my friend so charmingly suggested.

Atbeckandcall · 20/02/2014 23:22

Forgive me, I haven't read the whole thread.
OP, we must be going to the same wedding!
Surely to God this isn't the norm now, please?!?!?!
Not even a mention of "we don't want presents, just your presence."
Ffs.

RubyGoat · 20/02/2014 23:27

I know a couple that used a site like this one as their wedding gift list. They had already lived together ages, but one of them was still finishing his post-grad studies, & they certainly weren't loaded. It seemed like a good solution.

expatinscotland · 20/02/2014 23:30

Buy your own holiday! What next, a tout for money with every dinner party?

Can't afford a honeymoon, don't have one.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 20/02/2014 23:31

Catsmother has nailed exactly why I don't like cash/voucher lists. Could you post that on all wedding gift threads forever so I can relax? Thanks v much Grin

chubbleigh · 20/02/2014 23:31

Last wedding I went to, the bride and groom, who have everything they need, asked for cash/cheques - FOR CHARITY! They were very satisfied with the result.

WorraLiberty · 20/02/2014 23:35

Oh god that's just crass and nasty OP

I really don't get this sort of behaviour at all.

As a few PP's have said, if you have everything you need then you don't need money anyway.

WorraLiberty · 20/02/2014 23:37

And this from a PP...."This is quite the done thing in my country. If you don't want to use it, you don't have to"

Well perhaps the OP isn't in your country!