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Original poster

Bank account details on wedding invite!

313 replies

Passthesaltdear · 20/02/2014 17:21

Yep so...got an evening guest invite few days ago, had the usual "we-ve been living together for ages now and have everything we want but if you are so inclined we would love some money for honeymoon etc..." Then at the bottom is the couple's account name, number and sort code so money can be paid directly in! I was shocked, is it me or is this really cheeky?!

OP posts:
SpecialAgentFreyPie · 21/02/2014 10:22

Whenever I'm invited to a wedding where the couple says they don't need anything but I just don't give anything except a very lovely card and something to mark the day which is probably rather useless but I think acknowledges the special day, such as florist flowers in the wedding colours, or a small gift for the couples child or a trinket (hard to explain) that DH has carved as he is very gifted with his hands.

I like to think it shows I'm thinking about them on their day, but if they don't need anything I just don't bother bringing the usual suspects. And never money. If the wedding is one where I know the couple well enough to know how much money they'd want at a minimum and anything else would be considered rude, I just decline the invite.

NoLikeyNoLighty · 21/02/2014 10:32

Who the hell would give out their bank details to all and sundry coming to their wedding? You'd have to be a special kind of dim, sorry.
No you CAN'T 'just' get payments coming in to your account if someone knows your account number and sort code.
With an account number and sort code you could set up direct debits from the account, for a start.
Stupid idea if that's what they've done!

harryhausen · 21/02/2014 10:33

You see, I never understand the "We've been living together for a few years and have everything we need" line.

I mean really? I've been married over 10 years and still don't have everything I need.

We always need new glasses (as we tend to smash them!), luxury towels, cups and yes! Teaspoons!!

An account no in an invite is not good for me.

The worst I had was my cousins wedding where they trotted out the "we have everything we need" line but said if we wanted to give anything could we send a cheque to X, BUT send it about 2 months before the wedding so they could see what type of honeymoon they could afford from it allShock

I think if we're going to do cash - let's just go full on cash and all adopt the big Greek party pin-the-stash on the bride and groom way and be done!

HairyWorm · 21/02/2014 10:53

The details of the account we gave out could only have money transferred out of it into our other accounts so perfectly safe. We discussed with bank before giving out info. You can't just set up transfers to nick money from any old account you have info for.

We saw it as convenience for people who wanted to give money and we knew of a few family members and friends of family who would want to give cash. Personally that's how I would prefer to give money so I wouldn't be offended.

If anyone was offended then I'm sure the fact that we majorly over ordered on wine helped ease things.

NichyNoo · 21/02/2014 11:06

Its the done thing in certain countries (Belgium, France) where people don't really use cheques so bank account details are sent round quite freely.

kentishgirl · 21/02/2014 11:13

I got a wedding invitation recently with the exact same thing - it was printed on the invitation itself, but on the back of it, with bank account details for contributions to the honeymoon fund. Perhaps the same wedding, lol.

It did make me raise an eyebrow but it's not that different to people just asking for cash. It's easier for me as I don't have a chequebook these days.

Oneglassandpuzzled · 21/02/2014 11:24

I am so, so glad that I got married 18 years ago when things were simpler and somehow more romantic. I borrowed my wedding dress. We had a simple John Lewis wedding list with things like china and glasses on it. And garden spades. We were thrilled to get these and very grateful.

No big hen and stag dos--just a meal out each with our closest friends. So much less stressful and competitive, somehow.

Even then, friends of ours kept telling us how they'd been to someone else's wedding the week before ours and it was so cool and wonderful. Telling us this repeatedly AT our wedding was a bit off, I felt. The cool couple actually got divorced a year or two later, so so much for that.

tobiasfunke · 21/02/2014 11:45

I think it's crass. I know someone who did this (they are from Surrey so not cultural I think though I am prepared to be corrected by people of the said county). Funny thing was the groom put the wrong bank details on invitation then discovered when someone's bank queried it that about 10 people had sent money to the wrong account. They then had to resend the bank details and try and get the (mostly elderly) people to get the money bank. A few older folk sent the bride cheques because they didn't do the interweb and she didn't bother to cash them for 6 months. When a few queried it- she said she'd sent thank you cards that (all) had got lost in the post and she wouldn't be resending them.
Thing is bride and groom were minted and weren't even paying for their own wedding.

We sent a gift instead of money- the groom slagged off our rather expensive offering to our faces by saying it wasn't his taste.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 21/02/2014 12:01

*tobiasfunke Fri 21-Feb-14 11:45:11
I think it's crass. I know someone who did this (they are from Surrey so not cultural I think though I am prepared to be corrected by people of the said county). Funny thing was the groom put the wrong bank details on invitation then discovered when someone's bank queried it that about 10 people had sent money to the wrong account. They then had to resend the bank details and try and get the (mostly elderly) people to get the money bank. A few older folk sent the bride cheques because they didn't do the interweb and she didn't bother to cash them for 6 months. When a few queried it- she said she'd sent thank you cards that (all) had got lost in the post and she wouldn't be resending them.
Thing is bride and groom were minted and weren't even paying for their own wedding.

We sent a gift instead of money- the groom slagged off our rather expensive offering to our faces by saying it wasn't his taste.*

Shock Well at least you know they make a well suited couple.. Shock

Sometimes I feel like weddings show you what some people are really like!

cremolafoam · 21/02/2014 12:06

I think its cheeky. I'd be inclined to adopt an orangutan in their behalf.
Not appropriate for 'evening guests ' surely? Family maybe, but I'd ignore it.Biscuit

Laquitar · 21/02/2014 12:35

I don't have problem with cash, either in an envelop or pinned on the dress or into a bank account.
I have a little problem with the hypocricy. All that 'we don't want presents only your presence blah blah but give us cash'. They ask for cash in other countries but they are straight they don't give you bullshit.

And if you are going to do what 'other cultures do' erm..then go all the way.not pick and mix. In other cultures you don't pay for your drink. I am married to a Cypriot man so i have been to 100s cypriot weddings. The norm is cash.
But
all the weddings were local.wheremost of us live.
When guests are coming from abroad the family goes to pick them from the airport, provide enormous meals and accomodation.
Children are invited.
Drink is free.
So the way i see it even if you gift 100 pounds it is still same as if you went as a family to a restaurant. And you wont have such a good 4 course meal
Plenty alcohol, live music and good fun.
So that's the whole package if you want to compare with other cultured (grin).

Lagoonablue · 21/02/2014 14:09

'Being a celeb for a day'.

Exactly! Honestly I hate it all, the ridiculous big frock the hire of a stately home the wedding list, the coordinated invitations, theme colours, the stupid poem that is sent out, the poncey photographer who takes photos like film stills......

So much money and so bloody pretentious. Yes I know it is each to their own but I don't like it at all.

I have experience of some mad Bridezilla friends so am well acquainted with weddings so am a bit jaded tbh.

Floggingmolly · 21/02/2014 14:18

No, HairyWorm, the fact that you "majorly over ordered the wine" (Hmm) wouldn't take the sting out of the fact that you basically charged an entry fee in my book.

HoratiaDrelincourt · 21/02/2014 14:20

I've been invited to a wedding this summer. The slip about gifts says they don't want any gifts, thanks. Full stop, no simpering "oh but if you feel you must..." etc.

We must (it's very close family) but will probably offer to pay for some of their wedding photos after the event, rather than choosing something that might not be appropriate, or writing a cheque.

FriskyMare · 21/02/2014 14:35

A few years ago two of my cousins got married, couple A late 30's owned home, average income set up a Just Giving page instead of gifts.
Couple B also late 30's/40's children, mahoosive country pile, multi millionaires asked for JL vouchers Shock

We donated to A's charity and sent a small gift. B got nowt! Grin

expatinscotland · 21/02/2014 16:07

'And if you are going to do what 'other cultures do' erm..then go all the way.not pick and mix. In other cultures you don't pay for your drink. I am married to a Cypriot man so i have been to 100s cypriot weddings. The norm is cash.'

And there is none of this evening/wedding 'breakfast' shit, either. You get invited, you are going to the whole thing. No days long, go abroad stag/hen piss up shenanigans, ether.

MrsDeVere · 21/02/2014 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oneglassandpuzzled · 21/02/2014 16:45

And there is none of this evening/wedding 'breakfast' shit, either. You get invited, you are going to the whole thing. No days long, go abroad stag/hen piss up shenanigans, ether.

Hear, hear!

Lagoonablue · 21/02/2014 17:11

Don't even get me started on hen/stag dos. A week in Las Vegas WTF??? Who can afford that on top of going to the sodding wedding, booking into a hotel etc.

ExcuseTypos · 21/02/2014 17:14

We had an invite like this.

And....it was an EMAIL invite, with bank details on the bottom- I shit you not.

It was a lovely wedding though.

Viviennemary · 21/02/2014 17:19

Some perfectly otherwise nice and decent people seem to be doing this these days. I wish somebody would tell them how absolutely offensive it is to people receiving this kind of demand for cash.

cobaltcow · 21/02/2014 17:42

Wouldn't do this though don't mind wedding lists, actually really like wedding lists.

FitzgeraldProtagonist · 21/02/2014 17:46

Seems practical to me. I mean, there are no cash points when I need them so would save me a big PITA.

I would rather get them something, £20 and have a nice drink on the honeymoon etc. than nothing. Cheaper than some tat at the bottom end of a wedding list.

If I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't give it. If they were my friends they would understand.

FitzgeraldProtagonist · 21/02/2014 17:49

As for the if you feel you must, again practical. If I say I don't want a gift, I mean it. If someone wishes to ignore this I would far rather something practical than pointless.

But would never say any of this.

Caterina99 · 21/02/2014 19:03

Maybe it's a generational thing?! I'm 28 and don't have an issue with this at all. I'd rather pick a gift off a list cos it's more fun for me, but I don't really care, and think cash is just the same as vouchers to be honest.

My family got a wedding invitation last year with a cash request to pay for a honeymoon in Disneyland and bank details on it. My mum was outraged, I thought it was a good idea as I use internet banking anyway (except for the Disneyland part, which we both agreed we thought was a weird honeymoon destination- but each to their own).

My mum gave a cheque in a card in the end, after much agonizing and days spent looking round John Lewis for appropriate gifts (she's never been to this cousins house so no idea what their taste is). I transferred my cash gift on the day I RSVPed and it was all done and dusted.

My mum still thinks it's rude to ask for cash, but wouldn't have a problem if they'd asked for vouchers. I think this is a crazy opinion as in my mind they are the same!