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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my friend is ruining her DC's childhood

248 replies

rabbitdisposal · 19/02/2014 20:13

I realize it's really none of my business, but I'm feeling judgey today. Basically, my friend's been doing a lot of things to her children that make me go Hmm. Her kids are 8, 10 and 13.

She won't allow DVD's rated higher than a 12 in the house, won't allow her kids to visit friends unless she personally knows the parents, makes her kids use hand sanitizer pretty much all the time (I mentioned that a few germs are good, immune system and all that and she looked at me like I was mad), never EVER lets her two youngest play out on their own, is constantly on the pedohunt, and every time their is a slight sniffle or cough she's convinced it's hypothermia and they need to be admitted to hospital.

The reason why I'm concerned is because the kids are barely able to do anything without mummy. Her eldest is still dropped off and picked up when she wants to go out with friends - thus, she's never been on a bus. Just looking for similar experiences and how I can make her calm down a bit.

OP posts:
mumminio · 19/02/2014 20:54

Sounds like responsible parenting. Back off :)

5Foot5 · 19/02/2014 20:55

BelleateSebastian whats 'pedohunting' is it like geocaching?

GrinGrin Probably. I expect you could spend a long time hunting around furtively in the bushes with both of these!

bakeroony · 19/02/2014 20:59

I didn't get on public transport on my own until I was 18, for various reasons. I moved to Uni 200 miles away on my own 6 months later, and did alright :)

The only bit I find silly is the hand santizer thing but each to their own, I guess.

drnoitall · 19/02/2014 21:01

Then I must ruining my dc childhood too. At 10 & 8 they didn't play out alone either.
YABU, and very judge-'mental'. !!!!

Cringechilli · 19/02/2014 21:02

It's all fine, I wouldn't like the hand sanitizer in that quantity though.

Sillylass79 · 19/02/2014 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaterpillarCara · 19/02/2014 21:09

What kind of DVDs do you think they should watch? If they watch together, then those choices make perfect sense.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 19/02/2014 21:10

Teenage it was me about being 13 and not going on the bus unless it was an emergency, and I stand by it.

If they're with their friends they're not in they're own are they?

More likely they'll get a lift from me or their dad, like I did when I was 13.

Now I'm a grown up and I have a job and everything. Not getting on the bus was hardly a hindrance in my life.

Back2Basics · 19/02/2014 21:15

I wouldn't say it was ruining their childhood but I wouldn't call it great parenting either OP.

To me the main job of parenting is to prepare them for the outside world and to be the best adult they can be.

So I do see where your coming from it does sound odd and there are quite a lot of these type of parents out there.

Summerblaze · 19/02/2014 21:16

As pp's have said, the germ and illness thing is maybe a little extreme but the rest sounds ok to me. My eldest is 10. I still take her to school, I know all the parents whose houses she visits, she has never been on a bus without a family member and really, you would let your 13 year old watch any old 15 rated movie. I agree that at 13, there may be some 15 dvd's that are ok for your particular child but I would never assume that all cert 15 dvd's were ok for a 13 year old. There is an age limit for a reason.

TeenageAdvice15 · 19/02/2014 21:16

and if you aren't around to give them a lift?

Back2Basics · 19/02/2014 21:22

The OP said over 12 in the house. I take that to mean the parents in question don't watch over 12 either.

Life skills are very Important for dc 11 plus to learn IMHO.

WanderingAway · 19/02/2014 21:22

I think that it is way over protective.

My 9 yr old has been out playing in the street with her friends since he was about 5 yrs old. She walks to and from school by herself. When she is 13 she will be going into town with her friends without me.

I wouldnt let my 9yr old watch 12 or older movies though.

soverylucky · 19/02/2014 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

phantomnamechanger · 19/02/2014 21:50

DH and I went to see a 15 film last night - 12 years a slave. It contained full frontal nudity (lingering not fleeting), sex scenes/rapes, and very realistically graphic violence showing the wounds on the beaten slaves' backs. It was harrowing to watch. so YABU, she is right not to let her DC watch films too old for them - too many primary aged kids watch and play 18 games and films, it is awfully sad really - my mature sensible DD would have been very distressed by the violence, and embarrassed by the sex/nudity.
Kids playing out is entirely a matter of personal choice - some do some don't it is not always the right decision and among the considerations might be the traffic, the area, whether there are stray dogs roaming the streets, whether they have friends to play with, whether there is a dodgy neighbour who creeps you out etc etc
Also what on earth is wrong with being concerned about knowing your DC friends' parents? No way would mine go to someone's home if we did not know the parents, and also whether they had a dog. contrast this with the parents who we had never met just after DD started school, who dropped their 5yo in the car park of the village hall to come into our DD1s party on their own. no contact number, no interest at all in meeting us or seeing their kid was happy & settled - we were just free childcare and lunch it would seem.
The hand sanitiser is no bad thing in norovirus season, maybe they have had a bad experience, maybe you only see them do this when they are out and about and going to eat something?
there are plenty of people ruining their DC childhoods through abuse, cruelty, neglect, naivety or ignorance - the parent you describe sounds level headed and perfectly sensible!

NoLikeyNoLighty · 19/02/2014 21:52

So basically, then OP, it's a case of care for the well-being of your children, you get lambasted.
Couldn't give a flying sh** about about them, get lambasted too.
Christ on a bike, parents can't win at all really can they?!
Oh and my first ever Biscuit.

NoLikeyNoLighty · 19/02/2014 21:54

She won't allow DVD's rated higher than a 12 in the house

The eldest child is THIRTEEN! As in too young for the next rating up which is 15. 15 for a REASON! Confused Hmm

NoLikeyNoLighty · 19/02/2014 21:55

Sounds like she loves and cares about her children very much. Not perhaps how many of us would treat our kids but I will leave my concern for those mums who don't care a bit about their kids.

This.

scantilymad · 19/02/2014 21:56

I think she sounds like a lovely, thoughtful and very caring parent! Yabu!
Even the hand sanitiser (which a lot of people use regularly now) and anxiety over the hospital I understand. Some people are just more cautious than others.
It sounds like a very safe and secure childhood.

Procrastinating · 19/02/2014 21:57

She sounds fine. They are well looked after.

What do you do that is so different to that OP?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 19/02/2014 22:00

Is it a reverse?

Procrastinating · 19/02/2014 22:03

I think it is too vicious for a reverse.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 19/02/2014 22:03

She sounds over protective to me but I don't think their childhood is ruined.

I agree with her on the DVDs though. What's the big deal with waiting til they're older?

shebird · 19/02/2014 22:04

Do her children seem happy and well cared for? It sounds like she certainly cares a lot for them and yes maybe she worries a little bit too much but she cannot be criticised for that.
I am 100% with your friend on the DVD thing and I also don't let my DCs play at someone's house unless I know them and don't get me started on people who let their kids go to sleepovers without knowing the family.

HappyMummyOfOne · 19/02/2014 22:05

She sounds like a good parent.

I dont let DS play out alone and we dont really have a bus service. I have always vetted other parents/houses before allowing him over - why would you send children to a strangers?

The hand gel may be a little OTT but it may be a phobia or the children might pick up bugs easily and shes trying to avoid a few.