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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think my friend is ruining her DC's childhood

248 replies

rabbitdisposal · 19/02/2014 20:13

I realize it's really none of my business, but I'm feeling judgey today. Basically, my friend's been doing a lot of things to her children that make me go Hmm. Her kids are 8, 10 and 13.

She won't allow DVD's rated higher than a 12 in the house, won't allow her kids to visit friends unless she personally knows the parents, makes her kids use hand sanitizer pretty much all the time (I mentioned that a few germs are good, immune system and all that and she looked at me like I was mad), never EVER lets her two youngest play out on their own, is constantly on the pedohunt, and every time their is a slight sniffle or cough she's convinced it's hypothermia and they need to be admitted to hospital.

The reason why I'm concerned is because the kids are barely able to do anything without mummy. Her eldest is still dropped off and picked up when she wants to go out with friends - thus, she's never been on a bus. Just looking for similar experiences and how I can make her calm down a bit.

OP posts:
DustyBaubles · 19/02/2014 20:29

Yes, motherinferior but there are also loads of people who have never used them.

It isn't the most convenient form of transport if you live out in the sticks, or even in some cities.

motherinferior · 19/02/2014 20:29

Me? I have two. Rather sweet naice girls.

Floggingmolly · 19/02/2014 20:30

Apart from the over zealous use of hand gel; can't see much wrong there...
She won't allow her 8 and 10 year olds to go to complete strangers houses, or watch 15s films, so? Confused. Not allowing them to hang around the streets unsupervised is hardly child abuse either.
If you feel so sorry for her kids having their childhood "ruined" (they're not), she probably has good reason to be sorry for yours.

Balaboosta · 19/02/2014 20:31

Me too about the hand sanitiser and emetophobia, twighlightsparkle.
It's tough and hate it when I feel people are judging.
In fact, as a fairly anxious parent myself, though definitely not overprotective, I think you could show your friend a little more compassion and understanding.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 19/02/2014 20:31

Hmm, apart from constant sanitising the rest sounds good. Hmm

canyourearme · 19/02/2014 20:32

Frim the information given, shes not ruining their childhood.

TamerB · 19/02/2014 20:33

Sad but fairly common unfortunately.
I can't see a problem with the DVDs - only one is over 12.

Patchouli · 19/02/2014 20:34

No mother inferior, I meant the OP
(I'd be quite surprised if she does).

HmmAnOxfordComma · 19/02/2014 20:34

Eh.? I don't get it. Why would she let them have 15 rated films? None of them is 15. I also don't know anyone who lets their primary aged dc play outside on their own.

The health thing sounds a bit more worrying, but more detrimental to her than them, I would have thought. I think a nt 13 year old should use the bus but many, many don't (too expensive round here, £9 return to town or drive them yourself for about £2 of petrol).

CocktailQueen · 19/02/2014 20:36

Have a Biscuit, op.

Most of that sounds like good parenting. You don't know her background, history or fears. Yabu.

joanofarchitrave · 19/02/2014 20:38

She does sound a little overprotective to my taste, but 'ruined'? That is very OTT.

I would have been a gibbering wreck if I'd been allowed to watch 15 films aged 12 - I had nightmares after a very average BBC children's programme. I avoid 18 films most of the time, or at least I check out why they are an 18 before deciding.

I should think the easiest way of 'making her calm down' Hmm is to listen to her.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 19/02/2014 20:39

She sounds like a standard parent.

Perhaps you should calm down and relax about how she's raising her chidren.

5Foot5 · 19/02/2014 20:39

I think the hand sanitizer and the 13 year old not taking a bus sound a little over-protective, but none of it outrageously so. In fact she sounds a little like a mum I know who I always thought was OTT but as her eldest as reached adulthood she has calmed down considerably and the kids all seem happy and well-balanced.

traininthedistance · 19/02/2014 20:40

Sounds fine to me!

BelleateSebastian · 19/02/2014 20:41

whats 'pedohunting' is it like geocaching? Confused

Capitola · 19/02/2014 20:43

Ruining their childhood? I doubt that very much.

She might be a bit over protective but I'll bet her children are just fine.

hmc · 19/02/2014 20:44

None of your beeswax

Your list of life ruining restrictions does not sound so very terrible Confused

Forago · 19/02/2014 20:44

This all sounds fairly normal to me. Particularly the 18 DVDs - what's wrong with that?

bigkidsdidit · 19/02/2014 20:44

The travelling and the hand sanitiser are a little odd. I thought it was routine for children to get to secondary school on their own. Every child I've ever known did; I was on a 45 minute train journey to school by 11.

However, I don't think this is ruining their childhoods! That's a bit dramatic.

Pipbin · 19/02/2014 20:45

I think the hand sanitiser is taking it a bit far but the rest is OK.

By the 'no over 12 films in the house', do you mean that if she wanted a film for herself that was over a 12 then she wouldn't buy it?
Otherwise I think she is right about that. The age ratings are there for a reason.

happymilly · 19/02/2014 20:47

I think you are ridiculous!

She doesn't have any DVDs over a 12 rating as her children are too young to watch 15 videos. There is a reason for ratings you know.

She doesn't want to send her kids to a total strangers house. That's just responsible parenting. I would always want to know details of where my child was going and to at least have spoken to the parent. My mum would always have a chat on the phone to the mum of anyone I was going to visit - didn't ruin my life.

Her 13 year old has never got a bus. It's not hard getting a bus you know, hardly a life skill. Step on, ask for fare, pay - hardly rocket science. Maybe she doesn't want her 13 hanging round, perhaps the buses are not very regular or the bus stop is in a secluded location. Maybe her DD will pass her driving test at 17 and live her life never ever have to darken the door of the number 87.

OK hand gel might be a bit OTT but is actually quite hygienic and during the dreaded norovirus season I might get a bit sanitiser happy myself - anything rather than the sick bug!

I think maybe you need to review your own parenting.

TeenageAdvice15 · 19/02/2014 20:49

to the poster who said they wouldn't let their 13 year old on the bus by the self except in an emergency - how do you expect them to go to town etc with their friends? my dd was going on the bus by 11/12 and we are in greater london.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 19/02/2014 20:49

She sounds a little anxious and over protective, maybe there are good reasons for this. You on the other hand sound nosy and over-dramatic. Ruining their childhoods??? You need a hobby.

SageMist · 19/02/2014 20:51

Ok I find the hand sanitiser thing odd, but not the rest.

The only time my dd (12) has ever been on a bus it's been a school trip. I can't remember the last time I went on one, at least 25 years. Yes we have buses where we live but they never go anywhere we want to go!

fluffiphlox · 19/02/2014 20:52

Does hand sanitiser kill viruses? I didn't think it did. Anyway, there's 'germs' everywhere all the time, I think it's a bit futile. Makes money for Boots etc I suppose.

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