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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be hurt by 'best friends' Facebook post?

324 replies

MrsDrRanj · 19/02/2014 19:51

I know I know, it's just Facebook, please don't stone me!

I have been close with my best friends for over 10 years, we have both supported eachother through some very tough times. Including an abortion I had when I was 15. I didn't get much professional support and struggled with the decision for a long time, in fact it's something I still struggle with today and still think about.

Being my best friend she knows all this, she knows it is a sensitive subject and the torment I went through afterwards.

Last night she posted a picture on Facebook, that had a picture of a pregnant woman with an arrow pointing to her saying 'your body' and an arrow pointing to her pregnant belly saying 'somebody else's body' and the headline 'it's not your decision - abortion is murder'

I texted her saying 'ouch, that pic hurt' and she messaged saying 'I'm not trying to offend anyone but I agree with it'

I know everybody is entitled to their views, but aibu to think this was really insensitive and unnecessary? She is not just a random person who knows I have had an abortion, she is my best friend who knows how much it hurt me and supported me through it.

I almost feel betrayed and confused about our whole friendship.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2014 14:07

Yes, agree. Unthinkng FB posts I can see, but calling your friend a murdered is beyond unthinking, it's confrontational

Davidhasselhoffstoecheese · 23/02/2014 14:18

I think she is entitled to her opinion BUT she really should have been more sensitive with loved ones like yourself. In your shoes I'd feel judged.

Davidhasselhoffstoecheese · 23/02/2014 14:23

I think you should text back your last post.

AskBasil · 23/02/2014 14:33

" Most people who consider themselves pro-choice don't support the idea of abortion to term."

What evidence do you have for that?

It's my experience that most women who call themselves pro-choice, are genuinely pro-choice. (I disagree with the term anyway because I don't believe we live in a society which offers women genuinely free choice, but that's by the by.) They support the right of the woman whose body is experiencing this unplanned pregnancy, to decide whether to terminate it or continue with it. I've found men slightly different - the ones I've discussed this issue with are much more gung-ho both about forcing women to undergo pregnancy and birth and forcing women to terminate pregnancies they're unsure about. Women tend to be more genuinely anti-coercion ime but I don't know what the evidence is for that being a widespread phenomenon. I'd be interested to see what the basis of your assertion is.

bumbleymummy · 23/02/2014 15:01

Do you really think that most people support the idea that a woman should be able to terminate a healthy pregnancy right up until she actually gives birth? It certainly isn't the case among any of the people I know - here or in RL.

StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2014 15:03

I would never do it and I hate the thought of anyone else doing it but yes I do.

StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2014 15:04

that's a very late termination btw.
And FWIW I'm sure the women who terminate late also hate the fact the have to do it.

bumbleymummy · 23/02/2014 15:10

According to this survey from 2012 : only 5% of British people would like to increase the time limit to over 24 weeks, 34% think it should stay at 24 weeks and 37% think it should be reduced.

Terminations for medical reasons are already permitted to term.

StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2014 15:11

So is that OK? Other than in cases where the baby will not live, why is it OK to terminate for medical reasons but not other reasons?

5madthings · 23/02/2014 15:12

I support abortion up to term, unpalatable as it is to think abput it is imperative that women have bodily autonomy.

It is also allowedin countries such as canada and seems to work well. Oddly enough I think most women wouldnt have a lateterm abortion unless they really needed to, I trust women to make the right choice for themseves.

Op if I saw anyone posting crap like that on fb I woulddefriend them.

And I agree with basil in thinking abput what you post and how it comes across, I am quite "attachment" parenty, bfeeding, co-sleeping etc. Dont like cc but I woukdnt post anything thst said parents who do cc are evil/bad parents etc.

5madthings · 23/02/2014 15:14

&bumbley* I think most people dont think deeply about abortion unless they have to deal with it in reality.

The current abortion laws in this country (uk) are disabilist, essentially placing disabled fetuses as lesser. I would much rather has a system that allows women the choice over what to do with their bodies.

DownstairsMixUp · 23/02/2014 15:15

I think she was a bit horrible. If she really HAD to share her views on facebook (not that anyone cares but everyone treats it like a soapbox) then she could of easily hidden you from seeing the photo in her settingswhich takes like two clicks. Insensitive and a bit nasty.

bumbleymummy · 23/02/2014 15:15

SPB, from the NHS website:

"The few situations when the law states an abortion may be carried out after 24 weeks are:
if it is necessary to save the woman's life
to prevent grave permanent injury to the physical or mental health of the pregnant woman
if there is substantial risk that if the child were born, s/he would have physical or mental abnormalities and be seriously handicapped"

bumbleymummy · 23/02/2014 15:18

5madthings. I agree that they are disabilist.

StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2014 15:22

Yes bumbley I know that is the law but I'm asking if yu agree with the rinciple?

bumbleymummy · 23/02/2014 15:28

No, I don't. I think it is disabilist.

ButICantaloupe · 23/02/2014 15:34

YANBU, OP

I fundamentally disagree with the posters who have said that abortion is a that people should post their opinions on.

It is a HIGHLY emotive topic. In theory, I don't think I could have an abortion, but I am a happily married and financially stable woman. In reality, when I was raped at 16 there wasn't a chance in hell I would have carried on with that pregnancy, despite having a catholic upbringing.

If I was pregnant following being raped, would I be classed as a murderer? Fuck that. The OP's friend needs to take her rose tinted glasses off and join the real world. Abortion is not a black and white issue.

I think people should keep their offensive opinions to themselves.

StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2014 15:34

AH OK we agree then.

bumbleymummy · 23/02/2014 15:35

Well, on that issue we do. Although I'm with the 37% who think that the 24 limit should be decreased.

StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2014 15:36

Fair enough.

AskBasil · 23/02/2014 15:50

You haven't told me where you get the idea from, that most people who call themselves pro-choice, are not actually pro choice Bumbley.

JohnnyBarthes · 23/02/2014 15:53

Facebook is for sharing amusing photos of cats and videos of 80s bands, opining about what's on TV, wishing people happy birthday, sharing good news and holiday snaps, having a bit of a moan sometimes, a bit of politics and current affairs maybe and occasional (and I mean occasional) mawkishness.

Anything much removed from this, especially where it's liable to cause distress, is to be avoided and marks you out as an arse and/or a tiresome attention seeker.

Sallystyle · 23/02/2014 15:56

If she wanted to post that crap she could have simply hid that post from you.

She can post her opinions and hide them from you.. win/win.

She sounds like an arse.

bumbleymummy · 23/02/2014 15:59

AskBasil - I linked to the survey above. Only 5% of people want to see the time limit for abortions increased above 24 weeks.

AskBasil · 23/02/2014 16:13

That survey doesn't tell me that people who say they are pro choice, are actually pro-abortion though, which is what you said.