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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by 'best friends' Facebook post?

324 replies

MrsDrRanj · 19/02/2014 19:51

I know I know, it's just Facebook, please don't stone me!

I have been close with my best friends for over 10 years, we have both supported eachother through some very tough times. Including an abortion I had when I was 15. I didn't get much professional support and struggled with the decision for a long time, in fact it's something I still struggle with today and still think about.

Being my best friend she knows all this, she knows it is a sensitive subject and the torment I went through afterwards.

Last night she posted a picture on Facebook, that had a picture of a pregnant woman with an arrow pointing to her saying 'your body' and an arrow pointing to her pregnant belly saying 'somebody else's body' and the headline 'it's not your decision - abortion is murder'

I texted her saying 'ouch, that pic hurt' and she messaged saying 'I'm not trying to offend anyone but I agree with it'

I know everybody is entitled to their views, but aibu to think this was really insensitive and unnecessary? She is not just a random person who knows I have had an abortion, she is my best friend who knows how much it hurt me and supported me through it.

I almost feel betrayed and confused about our whole friendship.

OP posts:
MacBee · 19/02/2014 20:17

I'm with those who think she was being very cruel.

I don't think I'd be able to remain friends with someone who acted so callously and who posted hurtful and aggressive stuff like that. Not to mention that abortion is legal up until 24 weeks and it is emphatically NOT murder, so she's wrong as well as cruel.

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/02/2014 20:17

I don't think she was being cruel. Thoughtless yes, cruel no.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/02/2014 20:18

I would have been hurt by that too.

I am pro-choice anyway, but - if I wasn't - there is no way I would have posted something as cheap & nasty as that picture sounds. It sounds as though it was created to cause offence.

No matter what your friend's personal views on abortion, she must have known that you (at least - there are very possibly other FB "friends" of hers who have had abortions & not told her about it) would have seen it & been upset.

Having a view does not mean we need to shove it in everyone's face.

Original poster
MrsDrRanj · 19/02/2014 20:18

I guess I feel betrayed and judged, thinking that all these years when I've spoken to her about my life and the pain the abortion caused all the time she was secretly judging me and thinking me a 'murderer'.

Also frustrated as her first pregnancy has been in a happy marriage with a home and career, not as a terrified 15 year old in a hostile relationship.

OP posts:
FantasticMax · 19/02/2014 20:20

Valdeeves I completely agreed with your post too!

wifeofdoom · 19/02/2014 20:20

YANBU. Cruel, thoughtless and not necessary. No good would come of it and she must have known it would upset you. Hugs

wongadotmom · 19/02/2014 20:21

YANBU. Your 'friend' is extremely insensitive.

There was absolutely NO NEED for her to expose her extreme views to you and everyone and Facebook!

I can imagine her views would be unwelcome by many more who were unfortunate to see them.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/02/2014 20:23

I would feel judged too, I think.

Her pregnancy cannot be compared to yours (or anyone else's for that matter).

I suppose she means that she would consider an abortion for her in her circumstances to be wrong.

She still should not have posted that stupid picture though!

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/02/2014 20:23

Sorry italics fail Grin.

MrsDeVere · 19/02/2014 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitchPeas · 19/02/2014 20:27

I've had a TFMR if any of my close friends that knew about it had posted that, id be devastated. IMO it's easy to be smugly black and white when you haven't had to deal with any hard times in your life.

Yanbu. Her reply was dismissive and rude too IMO. That picture is vile and emotive. People lose their brains on fb and think they are being so radical and righteous posting shit like that. They forget about other people's (usually ones that are close to them) situations and feelings.

I'd withdraw from the relationship slowly and if she questioned it, calmy explain why.

Lj8893 · 19/02/2014 20:29

I would be feeling exactly the same as you OP.

If I had supported my best friend through anything, even if I didn't agree with it, and I knew how hard my friend had found it, there's no way I would post something so inflammatory.

Of course she is entitled to her own opinions, thoughts and feelings but she must have realised how hurtful that would be for you.

Back2Two · 19/02/2014 20:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

ateddybearfromdelaware1 · 19/02/2014 20:31

I would comment 'what if the person was raped at 13?' Or something similarly inflammatory. Arse.

Backinthering · 19/02/2014 20:32

YANBU - insensitive in the extreme.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 19/02/2014 20:48

I have fairly strong pro life views but would never post something like that on FB. It's just not an appropriate place to do so even if no one you know has had an abortion. Let alone if someone you care about has had one.

YANBU.

Valdeeves · 19/02/2014 20:49

It's just a black and white outline - which is ironic as its a black and white opinion!

AtrociousCircumstance · 19/02/2014 20:54

Ugh, cruel and nasty of her.

YANBU. I think either she is trying to push you away, or you would benefit from distancing yourself from her anyway.

I should imagine she has been influenced by someone or something since she was a supportive friend who was there for you when you were young and terrified and in a horrendous situation.

Facebook is a red herring. It's the same as standing in a group of people, including you, and spouting the same views in front of you. Horribly insensitive.

AskBasil · 19/02/2014 20:55

I'd unfriend her because tbh I wouldn't have any respect for someone who could post something so crass and stupid.

It's one thing to be in favour of forced pregnancy and birth; it's quite another to post the Stupid View of it on FB, particularly when you know that it will upset a close friend. That sounds to me like someone who has had an empathy bypass tbh and I can completely understand why you are having doubts about the quality of her support and understanding for you all these years.

procrastinatingagain · 19/02/2014 20:55

She's not trying to offend anyone, just posting an offensive picture on facebook? Is she perhaps not the sharpest tool in the box? I would feel pretty upset if I were you, op, but her closed-minded views are not worth you getting upset about. And it is your decision, and it's not murder.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 19/02/2014 21:12

I would be hurt by that too. But ultimately she is entitled to express her opinion, even if it is a fucking stupid one.

frogslegs35 · 19/02/2014 21:13

YABU - a little. Just because she was around/supportive when you had an abortion doesn't mean she has to agree with it nor that her feelings and opinions have maybe changed.
If she honestly believes in what she posted on FB - I doubt she gave a second thought to who on her friend list had previously had one. I remember, if I purposely think, which of my friends have had abortions but it's not always in the front of my mind iyswim?
Try not to let it upset you - you made that decison for a reason, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks/says.

Bedsheets4knickers · 19/02/2014 21:20

I'm sorry whatever her beliefs, She knows you would see it and she knows your story. She is not your friend and this is her way of telling you how she really feels.

LaGuardia · 19/02/2014 21:34

Half the women in this country have had an abortion. She knew it would cause some bad feeling but she posted it anyway.

BlackDaisies · 19/02/2014 21:39

Yanbu. That's a shockingly insensitive thing to post under the circumstances. She's not a friend to you, a friend simply wouldn't do that, especially a close friend. I would distance myself from her and surround yourself with supportive people. It sounds like you made a tough decision when you were 15, and need people around you who recognise and admire you for dealing with it, not people who judge you for it.