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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by 'best friends' Facebook post?

324 replies

MrsDrRanj · 19/02/2014 19:51

I know I know, it's just Facebook, please don't stone me!

I have been close with my best friends for over 10 years, we have both supported eachother through some very tough times. Including an abortion I had when I was 15. I didn't get much professional support and struggled with the decision for a long time, in fact it's something I still struggle with today and still think about.

Being my best friend she knows all this, she knows it is a sensitive subject and the torment I went through afterwards.

Last night she posted a picture on Facebook, that had a picture of a pregnant woman with an arrow pointing to her saying 'your body' and an arrow pointing to her pregnant belly saying 'somebody else's body' and the headline 'it's not your decision - abortion is murder'

I texted her saying 'ouch, that pic hurt' and she messaged saying 'I'm not trying to offend anyone but I agree with it'

I know everybody is entitled to their views, but aibu to think this was really insensitive and unnecessary? She is not just a random person who knows I have had an abortion, she is my best friend who knows how much it hurt me and supported me through it.

I almost feel betrayed and confused about our whole friendship.

OP posts:
RescueCack · 19/02/2014 19:54

The thing is, being your friend, knowing you did something a long time ago, does that mean that she has to pretend to agree with your decision forevermore? Personally I wouldn't share something like that on fb for exactly the reason you've stated - but that's my choice. I don't think it makes her less of a friend to you.

CocktailQueen · 19/02/2014 19:56

Well, I can see both points. Your beliefs when you're 15 can be very different from your beliefs at 25. Have you talked to her about HER beliefs on abortion? Or just your situation? Maybe it was really hard for her to support you at the time, and she feels enough water has gone under the bridge to show her feelings too?

scarffiend · 19/02/2014 19:57

A good friend is one who stands by you despite their views differing from yours - I would be upset too, but think how much it would have taken her to support you when she didn't agree with what you were doing.

Original poster
MrsDrRanj · 19/02/2014 19:57

I don't expect her to be pro choice just because I've had an abortion, but the fact that she saw that picture (which I think is unnecessarily hostile) and decided to post it knowing I would see it and knowing it would hurt me is my issue.

OP posts:
shakinstevenslovechild · 19/02/2014 19:58

If that is her view on abortion and she supported you through it anyway I think that makes her a pretty good friend tbh.

I'm sorry that you were hurt by it, and, in your position I would probably be really hurt too, but it wasn't aimed at you personally, maybe have a talk and unfriend her on FB but not in RL if she wants to post those types of things and you don't want to see them.

RunRabbit · 19/02/2014 20:01

She entitled to post it even it's her view. You're taking it personally, I doubt people think how their posts will affect each 'friend' before posting.

ateddybearfromdelaware1 · 19/02/2014 20:03

I personally wouldn't post something so emotive, especially if a best friend had had an abortion. I find it quite cruel of her.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 19/02/2014 20:03

So she thinks you're a murderer? Because that is what she said is saying.

I would be very hurt too.

coffeeinbed · 19/02/2014 20:05

I can see you're hurt, but she is her own person and has her own opinions.
You can be friends and still have different beliefs.

Does she have something going on in her life now that might have served as a catalyst for the posting?

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs · 19/02/2014 20:05

Sorry, I think YABU. I'm sure she didn't mean it to be targeted at you but it is an issue out there in the world. I don't think it'd be fair to expect anyone to self-censor on a public forum because of what people they know have experienced.

FederationPresidentBarryFife · 19/02/2014 20:06

she sounds really insensitive, that post is aggressive and her text is not exactly contrite for hurting you. She is not your best friend, she's just a friend but I would distance myself from someone like that - by which I mean someone who puts pro life idiocy on Facebook.

Greythorne · 19/02/2014 20:06

She is an idiot for posting such an inflammatory pic on FB.

With or without a friend who has had an abortion, that is inflammatory and unnecessary.

I would defriend pronto.

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/02/2014 20:07

I wouldn't share something like that.

But I think yabu.

Onesleeptillwembley · 19/02/2014 20:07

Sorry but her world doesn't revolve around you. She's entitled to her beliefs and to be open about them.

FantasticMax · 19/02/2014 20:08

I've seen that picture on FB too and found it extremely upsetting, and I've not even had an abortion. Just something very black and white and judgemental about it.

While she is entitled to her views on abortion, as anyone is, I hardly think Facebook is the forum to share it and she is BU for that.

Hope you are feeling okay.

Valdeeves · 19/02/2014 20:08

I hate that picture - seen it on fbook myself. Not a fan of black and white points of view really. Yes she has a right to an opinion but in your situation I would feel the same and I think she has been insensitive posting it. I really don't like stuff like that on fbook - it's too immature a social medium for that kind of broadcast.

Valdeeves · 19/02/2014 20:10

My sympathies for how you feel now, I hope you can find a more understanding ear if you need to talk about the past.

Valdeeves · 19/02/2014 20:10

Fantastic Max - I totally agree

TheCraicDealer · 19/02/2014 20:11

Why do people put this shit on Facebook? It's supposed to be a bit of fun and to help you stay in contact with people you don't see often. If you want to share your political join the Daily Mail comments page.

YANBU, i would be gutted if one of my best friends did that to me. It's like, "so that's what you really think of me/my choices?". Lovely.

BlueStones · 19/02/2014 20:11

I'm with Greythorne That picture is an immature and deliberately inflammatory way to express her beliefs. If she'd told you she disagreed with abortion during a calm discussion of the subject, then it would be different.

TwittyMcTwitterson · 19/02/2014 20:12

Haven't read other peoples replies so sorry if repeating.

She's your friend. She may not agree with your beliefs but she'll protect you through them and defend you to core. If she thought you were a bad person she wouldn't be your friend anymore.

Re the abortion, don't feel bad. I'm sure you thought deeply about it and made the best decision for you Smile

Mrswellyboot · 19/02/2014 20:13

YANBU

I personally wouldn't have a termination due to personal and religious views but I don't judge other people as everyone has their own reasons and it is a very difficult decision.

Also, no one knows what they might do under differen circumstances. No way would I put something like that on a public domain. I don't know her motive for doing that.

I hope you are alright and try not to let her upset you.

Flossiechops · 19/02/2014 20:13

Completely agree with Greythorne too

TwittyMcTwitterson · 19/02/2014 20:14

Ps haven't seen the picture so I don't know how terrible it is. Forgot to put YANBU.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/02/2014 20:15

She had a choice NOT to post it. Facebook is not the place to post emotive stuff like that. She knew you would see it. She is cruel, yes.