To be upset dp doesn't want to marry me

[bellabella10]

As background we've been together for 5 years and have an 18 month old together. When we first moved in together about a year into the relationship we would talk, possibly jokingly, about getting married and having kids at some point in the future. Our baby was a surprise although we love him so much.

Whenever i have brought up the subject in the past two years (not often) he just changes the topic. Last week i approached it head on (I want to change my name anyway so we all have the same surname old school) he said he doesn't want to get married and doesn't know why. I will change my name by deed poll i suppose but it still upsets me.

I didn't even want a big do (although i get a tiny bit jealous when i see my friends getting married) and would be happy going to the registry office with only a few close friends and family.I have a feeling is because he had family abroad but they do come over and we could have a small ceremony in both countries.

"it rarely IS a positive choice, to become the main carer"

I don't accept this assumption and suspect others ought to question it, too. I don't know of any SAHM for whom it wasn't an active decision in my generation and younger, I'm talking about quite a lot of people.

Perhaps generations back, but now? No, it cannot be assumed to be "rare".

This thread is littered with assumptions.its assumption Central...
Men should marry mother of their child/ren.theyre shits if they don't
Women secretly want to be married
If you're going to be a housewife get married
Men who won't marry are uncommitted

The only assumption I'd say folk should challenge is don't assume he's the marrying kind or that he'll acquiesce because you want it.

But if course I'd say it's my final paragraph..but hey I would say that wouldn't i?
Otherwise,Spit it oot I'm not much of a guesser

I think information facilitates informed choice.i recommend it globally
if with information women chose to be married or unmarried that's up to them
I'd hope we make choice freely,with capacity,with information, and weigh up pro/cons

I can't extract your point from that irascible post?
I have clearly said,that in legal term marriage confers more rights than cohabitation
Having said that I think cohabitants can make adequate provision via a solicitor.

the family law (scotland 2006) makes provision for cohabitants re finances,asset. Defining and recognising cohabitation

I do not think women need to marry solely god security,it's an archaic concept

That's it Scottishmummy play the man not the ball. Otherwise you might have to admit someone else has a point that doesn't tie with your world view.

Have you come to pile in or do you have a point,other than vague cricket metaphor

It's a football metaphor actually

It doesn't matter what I say you don't listen to anyone.

Hang on point of mumsnet is to debate worldview and generally assert ones own pov
Of course I'm not unlikely to shift from a consistently held opinion because it conflicts with someone else on mn,
On a discursive medium we all kick about asserting our own world view.thats the point

No we discuss things, take on board other people's views. It's a conversation not a lecture.

No Conversely bear you're unlikely to say,well on consideration sm I accept all your points
So as you put it you're unlikely to listen to me,or any other conflicting pov

Keep up,read the thread I've repeatedly said marriage offers more rights than cohabiting
If one chose not to marry there are other provisions,not equal,one can chose
1848 post,yes I paraphrased back mn maxims on topic,I think it's grim to advise women to depend on man via marriage. I think it's appalling in 2014 it's so glibly advised as opposed to make your own protection

By visiting a solicitor cohabitants can make informed choice based on their individual circumstance.isnt same provision as marriage. However if cohabitants need advice,yes I'd say see solicitor.understand the ramifications of your choices. The family act 2006. provision made won't replicate marital rights,a good solicitor will obviously inform client of this

I think information should be available,transparent, and facilitate informed choice. Now whether someone else,thinks it's a bad choice is another discussion

I would feel the same as you, but unfortunately you cant make someone marry you. Im glad dh and I both married each other for love, and not for security. I can make my own money thanks a lot. Its not the 1950s!

Women don't need to assume their security will be via marriage,make own security
And returning to jist of thread a partner can't be compelled to marry
If marriage is important have that discussion early in relationship,ascertain if he's ambivalent or not

You're funny chunder getting all bumptious and puffed up,and demanding answers
Well here the thing,as you harrumph about content of my posts,well you would say that
And cohabitants can make adequate provision by going to a solicitor.

One isn't faced with life if penury if unmarried.

And conversely, one isn't necessarily faced with life of security if married. It can be as much a trap as a safety net.

Thing is though, sm is not advocating the fluffy "we don't need a piece of paper, our love is enough" approach, which would be damn' silly because nobody knows what the future will bring. As I read it she's advocating finding out what legal benefits marriage brings, which of those can be obtained without marriage, and putting in place the ones that are important to you. That's only sensible, isn't it? Or is it?

I agree,people should avail self of information in order to make informed choice
Understand the ramifications of choices made