PIL Issue. Need some perspective.

[NameChangedForPILissue]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

PIL are very well off. Rich enough that MIL doesn't and has never worked. FIL earns a huge amount, and is unbelievably tight with it too (refuses to update 25 year old kitchen, 30 year old bathroom, won't buy MIL a new car even though hers is verging on dangerous, won't spend more than £10 per GC at christmas etc).

They are set to become millionaires with some inheritance that is probably due to come in the next year or two. For now they live on their £200k+ a year income with very little expenditure.

For the past 8 years, they have given us money every month to help with our living expenses. It began when DH was at university, before we met, and was the standard parents helping out a child at uni situation. DH always worked PT to top this up.

After leaving uni, DH wasn't able to get a job in his field and so has subsequently had to retrain, and is halfway through that process. This means he is earning low for now as he is studying whilst working so is essentially unskilled. In around 2 years, we hope he will be on a good salary. I am also on a relatively low wage.

We've been married since 2010, and since then they've given us £500 a month to help us out. Obviously, this is very generous and e appreciate this. SIL has had the same.

SIL no longer needs this, as her and her husband have now got high flying careers (lawyer and pilot) and no children, and do FIL has decided to stop all our payments.

We've just moved into a new home, and have a baby due in a few weeks. The timing could not be worse.

DH is so furious he wants to tell him we are cutting him out and never seeing him again. I don't know what to do - is he being selfish and awful? Or is it his money and we should be grateful for what we've had up until now?

[NameChangedForPILissue]

Our city is expensive. We live in a cheap area!

And god, no our house wasn't anywhere near £300k !

[eurochick]

I think your big issue is that you have overstretched yourself. Your mortgage payments are a huge proportion of your income. Downsize/move to a cheaper area.

[MaryWestmacott]

OK OP, deep breath, it is scary when your income suddenly drops, but let's look at this another way, you are about to go on maternity leave, right? So look at what your income will be and your expenditures, I assume you currently pay out for DC1 to be in full time childcare but that can stop.

If you are earning enough to not get WTC then you do have a decent amount coming in each month, what do you have going out? Is there anything else you can cut to fit what you have coming in?

The house you have just moved into, is it rented or bought? If rented, can you cope for 6 months and then move to something cheaper you can afford? If bought, how on earth did you get a mortgage that you can't afford without handouts from family?

[NameChangedForPILissue]

No, it isn't.

£6.19 per hour. £9.5k per year, before tax.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Quite simply you cannot afford a 1350 a month mortgage.

That's too expensive for your low salaries.

[purplebaubles]

oh and I pay more for Childcare a month - and it only covers 2 days a week. So who on earth is having your child whilst you are working your 9-4 job every day?!

None of this adds up...

[NameChangedForPILissue]

It's not a mortgage! It is rent.

We haven't lied to anyone!

[WeAreDetective]

You asked for perspective. I think if you re read your op you will see that you spend about 3/4 of it going on about how tight your PIL are... Only to reveal just how generous they have been. Not exactly fair of you.

I can see how this is a shock to you but unfortunatey, I think you are going to have to work out how to live within the income you have got. You are not entitled to any more of their money than they are prepared to give.

What would worry me is that your DH has never had to do that before.

[HyvaPaiva]

Our mortgage payments are £1350 a month

It's not a mortgage! It is rent.

Which is it?

[LaurieFairyCake]

It's either a 300 k place, a terrible mortgage deal, or you have a short mortgage. Which is it?

If a short mortgage, go interest only til your dh qualifies.

If too expensive a place sell.

If a terrible mortgage, sell.

[waltermittymissus]

Then tell your waste of space DH to get another job too!

What is he doing at the weekends while you're working your third job?

This is utterly ridiculous! I feel like your all victims of the man you've married!

At least your FIL has finally done the right thing and stopped bankrolling him!

[peggyundercrackers]

maybe your FIL thinks you dont need the money now because you decided to enlarge your family - he may think at his expense - but im sure you would say otherwise.

i agree with others - you need to stand on your own two feet. if you can afford to have family and a bigger house to go with it you need to be paying for it, not someone else.

2FT and 1 PT job? where do you find the time to do this and be on MN as well? surely you should be working... 2 FT jobs must be 80 hours a week which is 11.5hrs a day 7 days a week without doing any other PT work - i think you would be breaking the working time directive by doing all this work - does your employers know you do these other jobs?

[purplebaubles]

No. Min wage isn't £6.19 anymore...

And on 37.5 hours a week, even if it were, it would still be £11,900 per year before tax...

[Objection]

OP - how long has this arrangement been going on for?

[NameChangedForPILissue]

Sorry. We always refer to it as 'mortgage' as a turn of phrase. I apologise.

It's rent. We rent, we tried to buy but couldn't get a mortgage on our income.

[Writerwannabe83]

Maybe the selfish FIL provides some childcare baubles

[Armadale]

I'm not the greatest at financial things but I do not understand how the maths here adds up at all.

[LaurieFairyCake]

You said they were mortgage payments

If you misspoke and it's rent then you move somewhere cheaper.

Right now.

[waltermittymissus]

Hang on. YOU said mortgage. So which is it?!

[CouthyMow]

Where the hell do you live that £30k isn't enough to live off?! How big is your bloody house??!!

Seriously, you and your DH have over stretched by relying on an income that could never be guaranteed because it isn't earned.

You may well need to downsize your housing. Children don't care whether they have to share a bedroom provided they are loved and fed. And it IS pretty indulgent for your DH to be studying for a SECOND degree when he has a family to support.

He's a bloody leech, OP - he is happy to see you work THREE jobs whilst pregnant with his DC and looking after your other DC - why can't HE do a FT night job instead of you?! Why are YOU working three jobs, 2 FT 1 PT when he's only working one PT job??!!

He needs to give up Uni, and get a fucking job. How are you going to manage Childcare costs after you have your second DC?!

[MaryWestmacott]

OK, you can't afford that rent, you just can't. So you need to see if you can get out of the contract and move elsewhere cheaper. Perhaps straight out ask PIL if they would pay your moving costs as without their financial support you can't afford the rent on this place.

Your childcare costs will drop once you are on mat leave.

[LessMissAbs]

Whats the point in living somewhere so expensive when you earn such low wages? Wouldn't it make more sense to organise your lives to live somewhere cheaper and get jobs there?

[holycowwhatnow]

Car insurance is £980 a year???? What are you driving?

What do you take home from all your jobs each month? Would you be better giving up the two FT jobs and take up childminding instead? Then no childcare costs for you and the added income from minding one (or two? Not sure of regs in UK.) That £350 childcare cost will increase with the new child.

Sorry OP, I don't want to join in on the bashing but really, you do come across as entitled. You shouldn't have bought a house on the basis that your PIL would continue to give you this money.

I would be MORTIFIED if my PILs had been shelling out to me for my whole married life. You really have no right to criticise your FIL for being penny pinching when he's been giving you handouts.

[waltermittymissus]

Sorry x-post but your salary doesn't add up either...

Anyway if it's rent, you rent somewhere cheaper. You renting a mansion for that?!

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

I also think some of the responses on here are bloody harsh,IdRtherPlay you especially, who are you to call OP an entitled cow?