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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

PIL Issue. Need some perspective.

999 replies

NameChangedForPILissue · 17/02/2014 12:42

NC'd for obvious reasons.

PIL are very well off. Rich enough that MIL doesn't and has never worked. FIL earns a huge amount, and is unbelievably tight with it too (refuses to update 25 year old kitchen, 30 year old bathroom, won't buy MIL a new car even though hers is verging on dangerous, won't spend more than £10 per GC at christmas etc).

They are set to become millionaires with some inheritance that is probably due to come in the next year or two. For now they live on their £200k+ a year income with very little expenditure.

For the past 8 years, they have given us money every month to help with our living expenses. It began when DH was at university, before we met, and was the standard parents helping out a child at uni situation. DH always worked PT to top this up.

After leaving uni, DH wasn't able to get a job in his field and so has subsequently had to retrain, and is halfway through that process. This means he is earning low for now as he is studying whilst working so is essentially unskilled. In around 2 years, we hope he will be on a good salary. I am also on a relatively low wage.

We've been married since 2010, and since then they've given us £500 a month to help us out. Obviously, this is very generous and e appreciate this. SIL has had the same.

SIL no longer needs this, as her and her husband have now got high flying careers (lawyer and pilot) and no children, and do FIL has decided to stop all our payments.

We've just moved into a new home, and have a baby due in a few weeks. The timing could not be worse.

DH is so furious he wants to tell him we are cutting him out and never seeing him again. I don't know what to do - is he being selfish and awful? Or is it his money and we should be grateful for what we've had up until now?

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 18/02/2014 20:45

Sadly I don't think this thread is a wind up.

I think it is the result of 2, at best naive, at worst, selfish, irresponsible and entitled people, who have been quite happy to live on handouts from Daddy and have no idea how to stand on their own 2 feet.

IdRatherPlayHereWithAllTheMadM · 18/02/2014 20:46

Like I said - I am very VERY suspicious about the whole thing. It could all be a huge wind-up

MNHQ HAVE looked at the thread and its still here....the op said she is a long term MN.

HappyMummyOfOne · 18/02/2014 20:49

"OP' s DH, did you go over to moneysavingexpert to tell them off too?"

Which version made it over there?

Objection · 18/02/2014 20:54

Well this is the thread that just keeps giving isn't it?

I'm astounded that the OPS DH has read through the thread and deemed us the unreasonable ones. Yes, there have been some less than pleasant comments but overall it is a bunch of people trying to help someone who clearly doesn't want to help herself but instead get her free £500 a month again.

Objection · 18/02/2014 20:54

Well this is the thread that just keeps giving isn't it?

I'm astounded that the OPS DH has read through the thread and deemed us the unreasonable ones. Yes, there have been some less than pleasant comments but overall it is a bunch of people trying to help someone who clearly doesn't want to help herself but instead get her free £500 a month again.

Ballsballsballs · 18/02/2014 20:58

It's easier to come on here and rant at a load of randoms than it is to take responsibility for ones own decisions.

Chippednailvarnish · 18/02/2014 21:00

objection the OP is now apparently in Scotland - any chance of one of your "quick" rent analysis of the best place to live Grin

Atbeckandcall · 18/02/2014 21:07

Husband loving rather than hating is always gratefully received, thank you grandmama! Quite ironic though it's on a thread where the DH should berated by OP and is, in fact, idolised. I must be careful, don't want to be put on the naughty step for projecting oneself as rude/bully/dirtypiratehooker or other such abscurityBlush

Bearbehind · 18/02/2014 21:09

The most telling part of this (and the other thread) is, with hindsight, the OP.

Paraphrasing I know but....

It didn't say 'how the fuck will we manage with £500 a month less, please give me advice'

It said 'should we cut the PIL out of our lives now they have pulled the plug on our ability to live a life we can't actually afford'.

Speaks volumes about the actual mindset of the couple.

Rinoachicken · 18/02/2014 21:20

bear sadly I fear you are right, and this is genuine, and genuinely messed up in so many ways :(

TheCalvert · 18/02/2014 21:26

Well, this thread has kept me entertained today .

IneedAsockamnesty · 18/02/2014 21:31

happymummy

Just wanted to jump in and say I am bloody impressed and just a smidgen jealous of today's achievement.

I know I shouldn't be but I am.

A small gift for you in honour of the occasion

arkansassongbird.wordpress.com/category/matthew-mcconaughey/

AnyaKnowIt · 18/02/2014 21:32

Where the fuck is this flat in Edinburgh?

I rent a 3 bed semi a stone throw away from princes street for under £800

louloutheshamed · 18/02/2014 21:48

When I was a student in edinburgh we rented a mahoosive and gorgeous flat in marchmont for about £1200 PCM but it was 4xbed.

I imagine in new town/Stockbridge there might be some v v v nice 2 beds for that amount?

louloutheshamed · 18/02/2014 21:51

Eg www.rightmove.co.uk/property-to-rent/property-40374637.html

monal · 18/02/2014 21:52

But then there'd be lovely primary schools right there.

exhaustedmummymoo · 18/02/2014 21:58

Ooh, I've just seen DH been on...what a charming man, no wonder FIL said no more handouts.

exhaustedmummymoo · 18/02/2014 21:58

That's OPs DH not mine!

Nicknacky · 18/02/2014 22:02

But remember she moved from a 2 bed to a 2 bed? From rightmove you can rent 3 beds for less....granted we don't know where, but Edinburgh is not a massive city compared to some.

truelymadlysleepy · 18/02/2014 22:02

I'm hoping the hated FIL is going to post Grin

lurkerspeaks · 18/02/2014 22:02

Talking bollocks about Edinburgh rent - big two beds in good locations (including schools) rent for 8-900per month.

monal · 18/02/2014 22:04

It can't be Edinburgh.

LittleBearPad · 18/02/2014 22:06

Surely Edinburgh's going to be the most expensive city in Scotland? Or is Glasgow more expensive?

Nicknacky · 18/02/2014 22:07

Correct me if I'm wrong but hasn't she said somewhere it is Edinburgh?

Rinoachicken · 18/02/2014 22:07

On the other thread I think?