To wonder why women continue to bash each other over the SAHM/WOHP thing

[happyyonisleepyyoni]

I'm sick of hearing women justify their own life choices by bitching about others. It's nasty and low.

Can't we give each other the benefit of the doubt and accept that in the vast majority of cases, people do what they think is best for their families-whether that means staying at home or working. There is no moral right or wrong here.

The End!

I just don't think it is something that preoccupies most people outside of Mumsnet. Its one of those strange things. You have to remember that 99% of people have mainstream views on the subject (eg. whatever works for you is great) but we only get upset by the more extreme and vocal 1%.

It really is a tired old debate now.

I doubt you'd feel 'wel jel' of me prize. I had very little choice either. Once you have decided something is clearly the best course of action how can you not do it?

Decorating and running is not how I spend my time. Reading, more reading and more reading has been how I have spent my time in the last few years. It has been worth it though, gives you the ammunition. We are now winning!

I am quite jealous if you are completely happy with your choices. I have never mastered that.. I am also envious of anyone who gets to stay at home, which is a stupid thing for me to feel because as others have said some are there because they can't afford to work.

Occasionally I may come across as smug. This is because I have had to be positive and look on the bright side in order to have some perspective. Conversations which revolve around who has the shittest life depress me and make me feel ungrateful and disloyal to my family.

I don't have a shit life by any means, and I agree with you I loathe threads in which posters play martyrdom one upmanship. I would rather just not have to go to work, I suspect there is a touch of the grass is greener because I actually love my job. But I love pottering about in my pyjamas more.

I only beginning to get used to pottering though Phil. Until quite recently I have felt I was on call to the school. When they are reluctant to offer full time school hours, and want you to supplement support, letting go is a little more difficult.

I am a natural potterer.

As I said my envy, as well as being a rather unattractive trait is irrational.

Well where there's a will there's a way. I've had to play the long game but we're getting there.

Maybe I do potter, I view it as a working style though. I have spent so much time now not working my working style is probably quite unorthodox. Certainly the 'digging' I have done in terms of research will have looked like pottering to many. It's been rocket fuel in terms if achieving a desired end though.

Margot leadbetter off "the good life"
She had it sorted.

I think I am aiming for Margot.

I have never met a single person who openly judges others on this. I have friends who work FT, PT or SAHM and we collectively do not care a jot what each other are doing work wise.

I was a SAHM till my youngest started school, I did go to college for some of that but for the majority I was at home for 6/7 years.

When I was a SAHM I spent my days taking my dc out cleaning my house and cooking dinner. Lots of nice afternoons with my friends in the park and lots of lovely pottering. (I love pottering to) financially with 2 dc 12 months apart I could afford to work and pay childcare.

Now I work and I can't believe how easy I had it tbh. I never got up early, I was tired by 4 every day and I never had to worry about what to do if me or the dc were ill. I really wish I made more of it.

I wouldn't like to go back to that now. I became very insulated and awkward around people I didn't know. I lacked motivation to do anything and I moaned a lot about my dc.

I now fit everything I used to do in my day on top of working 9 till 4:30. I do far more and im a lot happier. My dc get to do far more and I cherish the time I have with them now.

It is hard when you look at others and think what are you complaining about I wish all I had done today was go out for lunch and to the park when we forget what a drudgery that is.

Everyone likes to think their way is right and if everyone did it their way they wouldn't have anything to moan about.

It is definitely more hard being a working single mum, that isn't a competition it is harder and yes we do have to juggle everything and still do everything but that doesn't mean being at home is easy. Parenting isn't easy and we all do what we can, it's human nature to judge and to gravitate towards people who think and live the same.

That's meant to say I couldn't afford to work as dc are 17 months apart and one after the other in school years.

Phil and Amanda well the pour yourself a G&T. Don your best lurid orange chiffon, full length number, open a can of asparagus and sulk because you cannot get the cleaning staff/ an envoy of business men from Japan are descending for a 5 course dinner en masse and DH's career depends on your perfection/ your best dress is being used as a scarecrow whilst their copulating pigs run amock causing computer havoc!!!!

Phew!

^complete havoc. Typo.

Ive only ever seen this debate on Mumsnet, in RL nobody's ever commented on how/why I work the way I do and I cant recall ever having asked anybody that question either. I don't get why some explain on here how/why they work the way they do, what their working pattern is etc. It comes across as justification but theres actually no need to explain or justify to anybody. Its repetitive and the subject's been done to death. Our sum total is more than how/why we work. There's more to us as women.