To wonder why women continue to bash each other over the SAHM/WOHP thing

[happyyonisleepyyoni]

I'm sick of hearing women justify their own life choices by bitching about others. It's nasty and low.

Can't we give each other the benefit of the doubt and accept that in the vast majority of cases, people do what they think is best for their families-whether that means staying at home or working. There is no moral right or wrong here.

The End!

So you didn't see the point of responding on the thread it was written to but you did see fit to respond on an entirely different thread where no one had said anything that even comes close to that post

And to be honest even your SAHP who work hard was still backhanded because you slipped in with something along the lines of "who are as tired as me". Everyone is different, some women could clean their house from top to bottom, have a home cooked dinner in the slow cooker, be on their 2nd load of washing before 9am and still head out to soft play or the farm or whatever to keep the little terrors amused. They could literally not sit on their ass from 7am-4pm and still have plenty energy. Being tired isn't a measuring stick for how much you've done.

Hell it's 9.10am and I could go for a snooze if I could, I am actually unwell but surely you can see my point?

Pagwatch as long as it doesn't live in your back garden I'll leave the fancy unicorn be. If it does then I'm afraid we'll be having words

Yes Walter I'm looking at you and your fancy unicorns. I've had to go and buy a horn hairband for my goat just to make myself feel special.

"I think people bash each other when they are insecure about their own decision."

Its perfectly possible to comment or debate a subject without being insecure!

I find the most frustrating bit is that it is considered a choice. Working is something I have to do to survive. It isnt a choice. Similarly I know sahm who do so because the cost of childcare could be financially crippling. It may be a choise for some but for most it is necessity

Nah, you really weren't Eveesmummy.

But, tbh you do give a good example of why these things happen.

I haven't seen the previous thread but you sound very upset about it and I'm sorry about that. But the things you post about sahms are just horrible, mean spirited cliches. There will be sahms now who have nothing but respect for WOHMs who now feel as though people look at them thinking they are lazy or see their dc as shitbags.

It's just pointless and so unfair to everyone.

Choice*

Good for you, Mrs.

I mean, some people care enough to have actual unicorns in their gardens.

Other people just can't be arsed and would rather by a horn hairband than put the effort into a real unicorn.

I guess we can't all be perfect

As tired as me = it's as tiring as a 'working' day, meaning those who think SAHM do nothing all day assume wrong. Didn't think I needed to ramble anymore about something I thought was explained.

My comment about pp on previous thread was me saying 'you know what OP. You couldn't be more right. I have an example of what you mean right here. How mean is what she said. I'll now continue to talk about my experience on the subject'

Ah but Walter my goat looks after the kid so I can Mumsnet on a Monday morning

I see your Unicorn and raise you Godfrey the Childminding Goat.

Actually, I have had a jaw-droppingly ignorant comment about my parenting choices in RL.

"Why do you work then?"

"Because I enjoy my job and because I earn a lot more than my husband does so it makes sense not to give it up."

"Why doesn't your husband want to work harder?"

"Well he does work hard and he already works full-time. It's just that I get paid more."

"But why don't you tell him just to work harder so you can stay at home?"

There was a little bit more to the conversation, at which point I'm afraid I decided that this particular mum was not the sharpest tool in the box and I decided to leave her with her misguided air of superiority and talk to someone more intelligent.

This was at a mother and toddler group.

It does happen in RL - if my DM passive aggressive disappointment in my choices count as RL

Fair enough EveesMummy your post didn't come across that way reading it though. I think that's clear from the responses.

I am a WOHM and even I read your post as being rude towards SAHPs so it isn't that I've just taken offence to defend my position.

Anyway I apolgise if your post was taken out of context.

Mrs I cannot believe you farm your child out to be raised by a goat.

You're a disgrace! Get that child back and start watching Jezza with him! You're a disgrace to your womb!

[Grin]

I'll wait till they have finished the grass first.

Pagwatch et al, I'm sorry I've come across as a SAHP bashed. It's not my intent. I touched more on the lazy parents but that's because they are the rarity and I assumed the rest was a given.

I get a lot of stick in RL for my 'choice' to work. For example, they think DP forces me to go out to work and is some sort of monster. I also get a lot of stick for him being DP not DH.

I apologise for looking a bitch... I seriously ain't!

Thanks mrs magnificent. I did lose my whole reply previously by pressing back accidentally so I just typed it quickly from what I could remember. It's possible my previous reply was much nicer

Evees I think you're unfortunate in the people you're surrounded by!

It sounds like you work in 1950!

Tell them all to fuck off. See what happens!

As a WOHM with a child with severe SN its bloody tough. I have to admit I do get pissed off when I read SAHMs don't think we do their job plus work. I bloody do and some!!

I love being at home with my DC, genuinely love it. It's the best job I've ever had, way more interesting and fulfilling than any paid job I've ever had - and when I left my last job I was a senior manager for a major charity, so wasn't in an unstimulating line of work.

BUT, I think I am in the minority and that it just doesn't suit an awful lot of women. I think for those women it should made as easy as possible to return to work (in terms of childcare, flexible working hours, etc), and no one should be allowed to make them feel guilty, because their working and being stimulated and fulfilled by it is a hell of a lot better for their kids than them feeling "stuck at home" with them and going slowly out of their minds.

Sneakyday. I agree. I don't have a choice. If I don't work, bills don't get paid and we don't eat.

tbh it does seem that most of the cliches and vitriol is directed to SAHMs

But the whole thing is stupid, you get post after post of people justifying what they do, how hard it is, what sacrifices they have made, like there is a prize for having the hardest life. And both SAHMs and WOHMs do that.

Why?

And fwiw I am a full time WOHP. when I had 2 dcs under 3 I didnt do everything a SAHP did as well as my full time job and it seems ridiculous to suggest that I did.

It depends what job you do tantrums when I was working I was doing everything a sahp did.

*working full time

guilt

I only have one perfectly troublesome DD but possibly with two under three I wouldn't be able to.

Fwiw, if I could afford a cleaner or anything for all household chores I would.

It's like a time warp in my office. I literally turn black and white when I walk in saying that, My biggest supporter is an 85 yr old lady I volunteer for a few hours on a Tuesday. She always worked an evening/night shift to have some of her own money.