to be puzzled when mums suggest they know what it's like to be a SAHM because they were once on mat leave?

[BarkWorseThanBite]

Two really nice mums - I like them both and we usually sit together at toddler group. However, more than a few times both have seemed to imply they know what's it like to be a SAHM because they took mat leave a couplel of years ago (till their babies were 9 months old).

Isn't that a bit like saying you know what's it like to be a single mum (I'm not) because your husband was away playing golf for a week?

Nothing against working mums at all - but the implication that they know what my life is like is a bit irritating.

AIBU?

I am utterly baffled as to why their assertions would irritate you OP.

sleepyhead

I am a sahm and its not a luxury, whilst I agree there are those that have to work and have no choice, there are others who want to work and aren't able.
It certainly isn't just a preserve of the rich.

holidaywoe Fri 14-Feb-14 19:44:03
Don't care who roasts me over this but, and I'm basing this on having children without SN before you start, being a SAHM is a piece of piss compared to working full time. It annoys me when people post those facebook posts about the jobs they do being a SAHM and how much they would get paid if they were doing it as a job.

Holidaywoe Have to say I agree with this. Being a SAHM isn't a job at all. That's always annoyed me too... you might as well say you're a hooker because you shag your husband!

Total admiration for working mums - you still worry about your children all the time, you still have to sort it out when they have a bust up with their friend or seem to be the only child who can't use a potty... or whatever... you still have to make all the big decisions, and on top of it all you have to arrange childcare - and worry about work. I think being a SAHM is definitely a lot simpler.

I'm really confused now - I had a 6 year career break after dtd & now work part-time - what am I??

I get what you're saying OP.
I took a year out when I had DC1. It was fabulous! I still had my own money, a life I knew I was returning to and was kept in the 'work social loop'.
I'm now SAHM to 3 and it's no way the same as mat leave.
You're taken for granted by the children, you don't have an escape and work is a distant memory...

Still prefer being a SAHM though. I think ;)

Am I allowed to turn it round, then, and say that my brief experience of maternity leave reinforced my realisation that I really do not want to be a SAHM?

Love you may as well say you're a hooker because you shag your husband

Appreciate your position jellycake I know I am lucky to be able to choose being a SAHM, and I am grateful.

I have known friends who didn't intially think they could afford it find that they could by making some (admittedly significant) adjustments to their lives. Perhaps worth thinking about?

Such a non- issue. Really don't get your point at all OP.

Are you saying somebody who is on maternity leave for a year with a newborn and 2 older siblings doing the pre-school, school runs (with no childminder/nursery) for that year can't empathise with a SAHM?

If this is what you mean, most definitely YABU and need to find something more interesting/important to worry about.

I have been a SAHM for extended periods of over a year, had short maternity leaves and long ones. Each time I saw myself as a SAHM although it does feel very different when you are doing it for a few months or a much longer period.

I do all the stuff as a WOHP that I did as a SAHP, only I have to do it quicker . I also have less leisure time.

Tbf, I think I know where you are coming from, op. much as a year or so of maternity give certain insights into the day to day life of a SAHM, there are a couple of crucial differences:

• you have chosen to give up a career, which you may well have worked very hard for. Yes, you may get back into it later on, but it must be a worry that you might not be able to.

• you have almost sole responsibility in almost every aspect of your dc's pre school education. Something that made my mat leaves very different- I didn't bust a gut to enrich every day with wholesome activities, because I knew that they would get all sorts of experiences at nursery. Some days we had too much telly, which I didn't worry about too much. It's a big responsibility.

I don't think it's worth getting upset about though- they are just trying to find common ground, a shared experience. Which they certainly have many parts of, just not all.

I'm a WOHM, btw, but I'd love to be able to be a SAHM.

I'm with the OP. It's not the same. People on maternity leave have a job to go back to. They have not put their career in limbo and they usually have some level of income still. When I was SAHM I had additional worries of whether anyone would employ me again after a 4+ year break, all my skills were getting out of date, my contemporaries were getting pay rises as they moved up the ladder (and yes I was jealous) and I knew I'd be up shit street if my dh left. I was totally dependent on someone else. It's also depressing if there is no change to your days and no prospect of that for years. Those worries mean for me it was different. I now work part time and it is a million times easier mentally.

I also think that if someone's dh was away for 9 months that it doesn't actually give them an insight into what it must be like to be a single mum at all. That single mum would have all the responsibility financially and makes all decisions alone. A husband that is away is still your partner and shares financial responsibility and shares decisions. They still support you. You know they are coming back you are not worrying about being without a soul mate for ever.

Morethanpotatoprints -oh, I know this. Couldn't agree more. I was just trying to give an example to give another possible motivation for their (the friends) comments.
I'm not really into judging anyone for staying at home/not staying at home or caring either way what they call themselves which is why I would never start a thread like this!

When I was on ML I was a SAHM.

Other wise you are on a carerr break while you look after children.

Orange Haven't mentioned no napping at all - I think you are confusing me with another poster.

There's no need to be rude - I have repeatedly said I am happy being a SAHM and think combining work is definitely the harder choice.

Right - I have to go and supervise bedtime
brb.

Well, bark, I was planning to be a SAHM (but only for the first five years so does that qualify ?). Anyway, I was offered a lucrative part time contract after being off for 8 months and it was too good to turn down. Being a freelancer, I didn't have a set mat leave or anything - it was just up to me when I returned back to work. I still work part-time and I think I can relate to the pressures of full time working and SAHM mums (but wouldn't swap with them, thank you very much).

Mat leave,is comparable to being housewife.why are you so bothered

Can people understand who work part time?

I dont think the op wanted to turn this into the usual sahm vs wohm fight, she simply said that sahm vs mat leave is not the same thing.

How annoyed do wohms get when people compare something similar? Its already been said "looking after kids all day isnt a job". Unless you are a childminder of course.

Just the same as husband away/broken leg, its similar at the time, but not the same. I dont understand the big deal?

I only think WOHP can claim to do all the same stuff that SAHP do if they work when their kids are asleep, people that do that have it tough! Otherwise, surely there is an aspect of sub contracting childcare?

As a working mum I don't worry about my kids all time.i don't at all.i compartmentalise

whatareyoueventalkingabout no apparently we just stop raising our children part time too.