to be puzzled when mums suggest they know what it's like to be a SAHM because they were once on mat leave?

[BarkWorseThanBite]

Two really nice mums - I like them both and we usually sit together at toddler group. However, more than a few times both have seemed to imply they know what's it like to be a SAHM because they took mat leave a couplel of years ago (till their babies were 9 months old).

Isn't that a bit like saying you know what's it like to be a single mum (I'm not) because your husband was away playing golf for a week?

Nothing against working mums at all - but the implication that they know what my life is like is a bit irritating.

AIBU?

writer - you are entitled to your own feelings about if you were a SAHM and that's fine. But it's very different to say 'I wouldn't value myself if I did this' as opposed to 'I don't value anyone who does this'. Personal choices. Different reasons and different relationships.

permanently apologies if I misquoted. Couldn't remember where your post was. Perhaps you are right. However it does matter to me what other ppl think about me. It's not about losing your role if you can't prove your worth (as in a paid job), but about losing respect. And I know for certain there are plenty of people who do not respect a SAHM and it can be very damaging to feel that way. The same as if in a job your colleagues didnt think much of you despite you working hard.

So only families with SEN children should have a sahp?Says who?

Sorry most wm I know only do a couple of days and pay no tax.I guess for some wierd MN reason that is ok too.

Writer I'm not offended but do think if you add up all the groups of people who are 'exceptions', you'll end up with a large enough group to be representative of a common enough experience. If it is not SEN it could quite easily be something else that makes being a SAHP work.

Well they have the experience of the heaven of just having one child who is not moving much, to look after. How different two beyond babies are so I know what you are getting at.

I did think it was heavenly at the time too. So at least I appreciated the clean house and day time naps.

I know and I'm not judging other people's decisions, really, it makes no difference to me what people choose to do or what works best for their family etc, all my views are just in relation to myself and what I feel is the best choice for me. I just feel riled when I see working mothers getting a hard time and it being implied they aren't raising their children or aren't as good parents as a SAHP is, it isn't a very nice or fair thing to insinuate.

Nobody does that,you're projecting.

We'll agree to disagree retro

Actually there have been quite a few references on this thread along the lines of "I am a SAHM because I want to raise my children myself"

That does insinuate that those who are WOHPs aren't raising their children themselves.

writer no it's not

But there are also plenty of comments which some SAHM parents could take as criticism

I don't, because like many people are I am very confident that I made the right choice for my family and especially for me at that time. A year or two earlier or later and things may have been very different

I don't want to raise my children myself!!!!

Have you met them??????

Writer as I will feel riled when SAHPs are getting a hard time, don't contribute are parasites, not a very good example etc

I really don't think WOHPs are lesser parents either. My DH is one and very valued!

I've done the whole child caring profession a huge fucking favour!!!!!

I actually think I'd feel guilty being a SAHM knowing my DH was going to work everyday to earn money to provide for us all whilst I stayed at home and spent it

Neither is it fair to insinuate that SAHM contribute nothing of worth to anyone and just sit around spending their DHs' money!

There is fault on both sides of this. Many posters have been derogatory in their posts and there's really no call for it.

I had no intention of insinuating they wohms aren't doing a good job or that they aren't raising their kids properly. I don't believe that for a second. Surprise surprise I am also a wohm. But it makes me upset to see SAHMs not valued.

What's wrong with your children rufus??

Lets end the thread on a funny note

I agree with that Walter

There has been a lot of tit for tat and I can see why offence would have been taken on both sides with certain posts.

Illstart

I am also a WOHM and I don't think that SAHMs are not contributing at all.

My comment was in direct relation to that particular phrasing having not been used. It has.

Me too Rufus. I could probably calculate some of the money I saved the education system (since I had to know what funding could buy re Statementing) especially when DC only attended part time and the CT insisted upon me 'volunteering' to supplement support.

Put it this way

When they were looking for weapons of mass destruction the drone plane was over my house for days!!

Illstartexercising I understand what you're saying about respect although I don't think that is the preserve of SAHMs. There seems to be an equal amount of disrespect for WOHMs (not bringing up their own children and putting material wealth before their family) as there is for SAHMs (sponging off their other halves and sitting on their arses drinking coffee all day).

My five year old painted my three year old today.

That's a mere example of what they get up to.

Any takers?!

walter

Good god no!!!

My children were left outside for 10 mins with poster paints...bad, bad move!!!

I'm going to bed now and won't be on mumsnet for days!!! Bloody half term!!

Have a good half term ladies!

walter my DD painted coloured in my Mum and Dad's dog blue once

We haven't been asked to look after her again

Mine are only off on Thursday and Friday sob

Happy trails everyone! Let's all get on and fart rainbows