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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my cats now the baby's here?

374 replies

elliebe13 · 13/02/2014 11:37

2 years ago I really wanted a baby but my husband thought it was too soon so got me a cat instead. She's the gentlest, sweetest cat there is. A year later my friend found a box of abandoned kittens and we took one in. I put all my effort into her and lavished love on her but she's just a grumpy, horrible cat who steals my other cat's food, fights with her and leaves white hair everywhere. She doesn't even like to be stroked. Sometimes she just poops next to the litterbox.

I became really freakish about cleanliness during pregnancy and they're banned from our bedroom and the baby's room. They're both treated for fleas but I still find them on my baby's face occasionally.

I thought my hatred for them would disappear when the baby came but I just really resent them, no matter how much I clean there's hair and dander everywhere, we don't have much space or money really and it's hard to find a decent rented flat for pets.

The second cat needs to go as I am miserable and dreading when the baby starts crawling. I had guests over last night and my friend's coat was just covered with this white hair.

I am going out of my mind. I thought I was an animal lover but I guess I'm not :(

OP posts:
PoorOldCat · 13/02/2014 13:02

But if the owner really can't afford treatment (and NOT all illnesses and conditions are covered by insurance) then it might be that or PTS.

How far should a person go in order to afford treatment and keep an animal alive?

The advances in vet care available for cats have been huge over the last 10 years or so. But a lot of this is only possible due to insurance, and that means if you can't afford insurance, or it won't cover your animal's condition, you are left facing an impossible choice.

And there is far more pressure these days to have treatments that would not have been offered years ago - stuff like radiation treatment for thyroid conditions, ultrasound even - it's almost like human healthcare.

Then you realise it's beyond what you can afford to pay for and are treated as though you're some kind of sadist by some (incuding some vets)

Of course it is bad to add to the numbers of homeless cats. That goes without saying. But sometimes the alternative is just to have the cat put to sleep.

JerseySpud · 13/02/2014 13:03

This reply has been deleted

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PoorOldCat · 13/02/2014 13:04

Reported as a personal attack.

JerseySpud · 13/02/2014 13:05

Feel free. I can't stand people who get animals, then have a baby and decide to rehome their pet. Would you rehome a child because you want an animal? Or because they are a handful? No.

Jess03 · 13/02/2014 13:07

I love my cats and so does dd however, if I couldn't have a cat flap it would be horrible, small flat and indoor litter isn't nice with mobile dc. Have you asked about installing a cat flap? My landlord let us change the front door. Yes there may be a few scraps but cats do establish a hierarchy. Re homing the second one seems like a good idea if you think it could hurt the dc.

PoorOldCat · 13/02/2014 13:07

That's not the same though. She didn't give birth to this cat, she adopted it when someone else had dumped it.

She didn't have to do that in the first place.

Children and cats are not the same thing at all.

Joysmum · 13/02/2014 13:08

I take in rescue cats, always have done.

Those who berate people for not keeping animals for life do the animals no favours.

I personally would rather somebody rehomed a pet than kept it on when they can't/ won't provide for it's physical and mental well being.

It's owners who keep animals who neglect them. Rehoming them is preventing neglect and should be encouraged.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 13/02/2014 13:09

How old is your baby? It could be hormones still.
I always had less patience for my animals when pregnant and with new babies. Still made sure they were cared for though and dh gave them extra love before anyone gives me a pasting.

PoorOldCat · 13/02/2014 13:09

Thankyou Joysmum, both for the work you do and for what you just said. I think it's really forward thinking.

(should say I have name changed from Rooners since my first posts on this thread, not trying to sockpuppet by agreeing with myself!)

Jess03 · 13/02/2014 13:10

Yes but life's not so simple. People do make well intentioned mistakes. Perhaps the second cat needs to be an outdoor cat and will then be much happier. You do have to prioritize your health and you dcs.

JerseySpud · 13/02/2014 13:10

Yes but you take on a pet, you take them on for the rest of their lives not for when you don't like their fur on things.

How to rehome though? Shelters are full to bursting, people can't afford to take on rescue cats or already have cats that won't tolerate others. All this OP smacks of is that now she has the baby she originally wanted she doesn't want the baby substitutes anymore.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 13/02/2014 13:12

I love my cat. He is awesome. I have him insured, I buy him the expensive food, I take him to the vets for his injections and check ups. I love him and dote on him and make sure he is looked after.

But he is a cat. I have a child. There is not a contest between them, because there could never be one. Child, every. single. time.

Life gets harder and more complicated and people struggle. The OP recognises that she is unable to give her cats the life she thinks they deserve, and is looking at what she can do to get them into a better situation. She is not a bitch, so stop name calling.

Jess03 · 13/02/2014 13:13

Yes agree with joysmum. My sister rehomed her two cats as she moved to a small flat after a divorce, the cats loathed it and after 6 months were weeing and pooing everywhere, they live with a family member with a huge garden now and are very happy.

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2014 13:13

I volunteer for a cat charity and I also believe that in the situation described the one cat would benefit from having a new home definitely. ellieb will be happier too. I don't see the problem.

Some cat charities will do a 'rehome from home' whereby you keep the cat but it goes on their website and people can come to you to see the cat with a view to adopting.

TheFuzz · 13/02/2014 13:13

There is also research that having animals around and the general 'grems' they can bring in has a positive effect on children's health in the long term.

Wrapping a kid up from germs is a sure fire way to having a poorly child once they start nursery. Animals also help teach children how to care for other 'things'.

tertle · 13/02/2014 13:15

You should have thought about what a cat would mean when your husband got you one to substitute having a baby... It's really frustrating when people get animals without considering that they will live for many years.

But that can't be changed now. You have the cats and you don't want them anymore. They'd be better off re-homed to people who will want them. They can't be that old so hopefully they will be re-homed quickly.

Will echo other posters' and strongly advise you not to get another pet, ever.

JerseySpud · 13/02/2014 13:15

I admit i have been a bit over zealous of the name calling which i will apologise for. It is a hated subject of mine, people rehoming animals because they now have kids so i do get angry. But i do apologise for name calling.

QOD · 13/02/2014 13:16

I did get rid of one when dd was crawling, we "rescued" sisters who had clearly not been socialised, before dd was even thought to be an option (infertile/surrogate) - this bloody cat was like a puma, massive shoulders, terrified of us, anything, outdoors, furniture, microwave etc etc. she did not have one redeeming feature.
When she started growling like a dog everytime we came into the room with dd, or whenever dd moved, we finally faced rehousing her. She needed to have an older person who didn't move round much.
For what it's worth, dd never ever touched her as she hid under furniture and growled all the time dd was awake. Also, she wouldn't go out and shat everywhere.
I do know that pets do often become a nuisance at some point, current cat though, we wouldn't be without! We were cat free from when dd was 5 to 10

Joysmum · 13/02/2014 13:17

Well I for one am grateful that people need to rehome otherwise I would have had any if mine, or the current 3.

I personally don't do kittens, much prefer adult cats, so unless people want to rehome I wouldn't have cats at all because of this.

HavantGuard · 13/02/2014 13:20

There probably won't be space for them in rescue centres. Get them on the waiting list and in the meantime, sort out your flea problems properly. Get a good treatment onto the cats and then treat the ENTIRE flat. Carpets, curtains, cushions, beds etc all need treating. If it's fabric it can hold eggs. Then, a week later, treat the flat again. You can buy sprays, 'flea bombs' and even get in someone like Rentokill. Then vacuum daily for at least a fortnight (checking that's ok with whatever treatment you use.)

To keep on top of the hair problem get a zoom groom and use it daily in a room without carpet (cleaning up afterwards) or outside.

It sounds like you let yourself take on more than you can deal with. If you feel overwhelmed ask for help. Having a baby around and sleep deprivation makes everything seem worse.

SomethingkindaOod · 13/02/2014 13:20

You sound totally overwhelmed by everything from the cats to the baby to the amount of space you have, and the utter bellends on here berating you for quite obviously being at the end of your tether are beneath contempt.
This is the second thread today I've seen an OP getting jumped on simply for coming on and asking advice about a topic that self important arses have decided is contentious and deserving of a battering. Get a fucking grip people, actually give constructive advice and read the bit at the top of the page that states this topic is IS NOT a fight club!

OP. Do you know anybody with a garden who might be able to rehouse one or both cats? Ask around.
And speak to your HV if you feel anxious or down. That's partly what they're there for.

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2014 13:21

People need to rehome their cats for all sorts of reasons. It doesn't make them bad people. Sometimes circumstances change.

My cat used to belong to someone who had to give her up because they had a newborn baby and couldn't afford her any more as her DH lost his job.
Would you say they should have thought about that before getting her?

greenhill · 13/02/2014 13:21

Your home needs to be flea treated, not just the cats. Flea eggs get everywhere, no matter how much you Hoover, the carpets and soft furnishings have to be treated too. Even if you pass the cats on to an animal charity, you may still find that your house has hatching eggs, if it is untreated.

Cats get jealous of one another, that's why the second cat is hostile to the first. If you give the cats to an animal charity can you give them money for their upkeep too? Charities are struggling for funds, so would appreciate money to help them while they try to re home in a difficult financial climate.

NutellaNutter · 13/02/2014 13:23

Life's too short to live with 'cat frustration' every day. You're going to need all your mental energies for your baby. Get the second one rehomed straight away for sure. Then you could always see how you feel about number two when the baby arrives.

SomethingkindaOod · 13/02/2014 13:25

The Op's husband got the cat because he decided it was too soon for a baby.