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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my cats now the baby's here?

374 replies

elliebe13 · 13/02/2014 11:37

2 years ago I really wanted a baby but my husband thought it was too soon so got me a cat instead. She's the gentlest, sweetest cat there is. A year later my friend found a box of abandoned kittens and we took one in. I put all my effort into her and lavished love on her but she's just a grumpy, horrible cat who steals my other cat's food, fights with her and leaves white hair everywhere. She doesn't even like to be stroked. Sometimes she just poops next to the litterbox.

I became really freakish about cleanliness during pregnancy and they're banned from our bedroom and the baby's room. They're both treated for fleas but I still find them on my baby's face occasionally.

I thought my hatred for them would disappear when the baby came but I just really resent them, no matter how much I clean there's hair and dander everywhere, we don't have much space or money really and it's hard to find a decent rented flat for pets.

The second cat needs to go as I am miserable and dreading when the baby starts crawling. I had guests over last night and my friend's coat was just covered with this white hair.

I am going out of my mind. I thought I was an animal lover but I guess I'm not :(

OP posts:
c4ss3y · 13/02/2014 23:53

Poor cats. I'd take all your unwanted cats if I had the space. Cats deserve homes where they're part of the family and always will be.

aderynlas · 14/02/2014 00:51

Our cat had to stay with very nice relatives of ours for a month recently. They were kind to him but he couldnt settle and missed my daughter. I swear that cat smiled when he came home. Waits in the window when the school bus comes then hes out and up the lane to meet her. He thinks hes lassie.

nkf · 14/02/2014 06:21

For the record I got rid of two cats. They seemed happy enough. For cats that is. This thread with its casual acceptance of fleas is making me itch. Yuk.

nkf · 14/02/2014 06:23

Love the idea of cat therapy. Clearly somebody needs help. OP; get rid of the cats. Enjoy your baby and your nice fur free home.

QOD · 15/02/2014 18:25

Nkf you should be flogged for saying "got rid of" ... Apparently it's not a nice thing to say ....

I'm being bitched about for using that term, apparently it would have been acceptable to say "re homed". Because they are totally different things / exactly the fucking same

quirrelquarrel · 15/02/2014 19:54

But can you imagine how the cats would react? I mean, it's very possible for cats to get depressed I should imagine (happens with guinea pigs....but then they are very sensitive souls, GPs). Wouldn't being abandoned by their human be likely to hit them in a vulnerable place? Please try everything else before rehoming them.....we had guins at home for years and years even though my mum (and I for a bit) was really allergic to them suddenly by our last pair. We need to see animals much more as individuals with FEELINGS and instincts and very real emotional responses in this country.

JakeBullet · 15/02/2014 20:07

Cats generally do not attach themselves to humans in a way that dogs do. this has been proven so re homing a cat will not cause any problems long term for the cat. In fact the cat might benefit from the re homing if it goes to a home where humans have time to give the cat.

one of my three cats was rehomed with me at three years old,...she could not care less.....she has regular food, somewhere to sleep and a human to fuss her when she wants it....what's not to like?

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 15/02/2014 20:11

Actually QOD "getting rid" connotes no thought to their welfare. Ie shoving out of moving car/abandoning in cardboard box/ putting in bin (none of these are made up as you know and happen across the country everyday) all equal "getting rid".
Rehoming is different entirely.
So I'm not being a pedant when I object to "getting rid".

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 15/02/2014 20:12

So not exactly the fucking same.

wokeupwithasmile · 15/02/2014 20:56

I'm being bitched about for using that term, apparently it would have been acceptable to say "re homed". Because they are totally different things / exactly the fucking same

Mmmm, I am not an English-born speaker, but I'd say that to 'get rid of something' means to throw it away, to discard it, to consider it of very little importance or use and therefore to throw it away.

So not exactly the same fucking thing.

I understand if you are talking about an old car breaking down, but not about a living being, who might also have become attached to someone. Personally, I think it shows very little respect and interest.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 15/02/2014 21:06

Exactly, wokeupwithasmile.

2tiredtocare · 15/02/2014 21:58

Waah waah waah

verdiletta · 15/02/2014 22:06

YANBU. Your baby is more important than your cats.

QOD · 15/02/2014 22:14

But if you read the fucking thing, as you put it, you'd also see "we finally faced rehousing her. She needed to have an older person who didn't move round much"

So fuck the fuck off and when you get there, fuck off some more

QOD · 15/02/2014 22:36

I've always wanted to say that on mumsnet

Hiding the thread now as it's bad for my blood pressure

Enjoy your baby op, cat number 1 will be happier alone and cat no 2 sounds very unhappy and, like the one I "got rid of", would be happier elsewhere too

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 15/02/2014 23:00

QOD what on earth are you on about? Read what whole thing??

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 15/02/2014 23:05

And who are you addressing when you say "the fucking thing, as you put it"?
I had a conversation with nkf where she mentioned "getting rid".
You then said you had got flamed for saying "getting rid".
You used "exactly the fucking same" to which I and another poster pointed our they were not exactly the fucking same.
Capisce?

soundevenfruity · 15/02/2014 23:16

I think it's one of those obsessions that get hold of women with new babies. You obviously don't have your MIL nearby. Grin I would wait for hormones to stabilise. You are responsible for animals and if you do decide to give them away please check that the charity doesn't destroy animals if they can't be rehomed within a specified period. Do you have anything nice to do with your baby: NCT group meetings, sing along in library etc?

wokeupwithasmile · 16/02/2014 10:29

QOD

Your comments would be funny if I did not find this a serious topic.

KittensoftPuppydog · 16/02/2014 12:28

Jakebullet. I'd like to know where 'this has been proven'.
Maybe a cat who is not loved by its current family won't care, but having had a cat who had a nervous breakdown( diagnosed by a vet) when he stayed with my mum while we were on holiday, I think this is utter bollocks.
Do you really think cats won't get distressed by a move? Talk to people who run animal shelters.

LoonvanBoon · 16/02/2014 12:51

Kittensoft, I'm interested in the evidence on that too.

We took on a close relative's elderly cats several years ago after she died. We gave them a loving home & attended to their needs, & they were pretty contented in those last years of their lives.

But they didn't have the same relationship with me / DH as they did with their previous owner. One of them seemed to transfer her affections to me, but that was after a couple of years! The other never behaved like the lap cat she used to be (despite the presence of willing laps).

Just anecdotal, I know, but I do think those cats had a personal bond with their owner comparable to the bonds I've seen between dogs & their owners.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 16/02/2014 13:23

Look, this may offend the cat lovers i defy anyone to say it's fine to have fleas crawling on a baby, they are cats, what's next, is it ok for them to crap in her cot piss on the furniture, because it will happen... Rehome and don't feel bad, your doing the best for everyone, cat included x

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 16/02/2014 13:30

Plus all this hinting that she's emotionally unstable because of her reaction to the cats, what a load of trollocks, as the "clean" type it is emotionally upsetting to live in a flea and fur ridden midden, and as such upsetting... If you prefer to sit on a stinky old cat clawed sofa, that's been shat on, covered in fur and a dash of fleas - them some might say your the one with a mental health issue Grin

JakeBullet · 16/02/2014 13:46

I don't think the OP is emotionally unstable....far from it. However, I do recall having a similar reaction to my cat and panicking. when DS was born.

I felt completely overwhelmed by everything and did in fact have dreadful PND.

It isn't any reflection on the OP that I and others remembered similar feelings and asked the OP if it was just the cats or if she was feeling overwhelmed generally. At least we did not flame her at what is obviously a stressful time.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 16/02/2014 13:53

I had similar feelings too and decided to put myself and child first, it's a cat, it doesn't need what a child does, if you have no money to fix the issues, have no space, then the only real adult thing to do is "get rid" of the problem, the problem is the cat and it's fleas and it's fur... I wasn't emotionally all over the place because of it, emotions are not all he same, PND doesn't mean it's right to ignore the feeling that an animal living in your home infesting it should be tolerated - if it's making you miserable, remove the issue - for the cats sake as well, I'm all for people having pets if they want them but people do change and "putting up" with something like a martyr is more damaging emotionally than dealing with the issue