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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my cats now the baby's here?

374 replies

elliebe13 · 13/02/2014 11:37

2 years ago I really wanted a baby but my husband thought it was too soon so got me a cat instead. She's the gentlest, sweetest cat there is. A year later my friend found a box of abandoned kittens and we took one in. I put all my effort into her and lavished love on her but she's just a grumpy, horrible cat who steals my other cat's food, fights with her and leaves white hair everywhere. She doesn't even like to be stroked. Sometimes she just poops next to the litterbox.

I became really freakish about cleanliness during pregnancy and they're banned from our bedroom and the baby's room. They're both treated for fleas but I still find them on my baby's face occasionally.

I thought my hatred for them would disappear when the baby came but I just really resent them, no matter how much I clean there's hair and dander everywhere, we don't have much space or money really and it's hard to find a decent rented flat for pets.

The second cat needs to go as I am miserable and dreading when the baby starts crawling. I had guests over last night and my friend's coat was just covered with this white hair.

I am going out of my mind. I thought I was an animal lover but I guess I'm not :(

OP posts:
SlightlyDampWellies · 13/02/2014 15:06

what Oscar says. She makes perfect sense.

justanuthermanicmumsday · 13/02/2014 15:06

I recently got a bengal cat after not having cats for 20 years. in hindsight I wouldn't have but she's here and we are attached to her I wouldn't let her go unless there was a major problem I couldn't deal with. It is really tough though. 4 small kids youngest 22months, mother in law dementia and brother staying. But I find a strict regime gets chores done, cat fed tray cleaned out once every evening. 3 short play sessions since she's an indoor cat for now and forever hopefully...

Could it be a case of hormones getting the better of you? maybe rehome the rescue cat and see how you progress with your first cat? If you still feel such hatred it's better to rehome.

Btw I rent too if had to move and I couldn't find any place that was willing to accept pets I would take the home and not tell the landlord, hide the cat in another home for inspections. I keep the place impeccable and the cat has no toileting issues. If she did she would have to go after trying to solve the issue. I mean it's not my home I can't let the cat ruin it.

Concerning hair do you brush the cat regular that helps a lot with excess hair. I've not noticed hair all over the place but if you have a long haired cat that will be an issue. Also maybe invest in a vacuum designed to deal with pet hair if you decide to keep your first cat.

Also have you thought of trying to keep your cat as indoor only, or is it too late for that? I think it would be a good choice for you with the new baby.

As said get the place treated for fleas and cat too , I wish you the best of luck. I don't think you're a bad person just finding it hard with a. New baby and could do without the responsibility of the cat. people change circumstances change I am sure you will rehome the cat wisely if you decide to. Takecare

PrincessTeacake · 13/02/2014 15:08

About two years ago, I took on a cat as an emergency foster pet because she was in severely dire straits. She'd been a house cat for years until her owner had a baby and dumped her at the vets. None of the shelters could take her, she was stuck in boarding kennels and very distressed. When she came to me, she had colitis and feline dementia and behavioural problems caused by her abandonment. I got insanely lucky that a close friend of mine offered her a new home until she died just before Christmas.

I have no real advice except to urge you to find a way to keep them. Shelters are stuffed and fosterers have their hands full. Feliway is great and my own cat had problems similar to the ones ypu describe, she settled down after a while.

Madratlady · 13/02/2014 15:08

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ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 13/02/2014 15:11

I do wish people would read the thread. IT's not a disgusting attitude to say that you are struggling to cope with everything on your plate and you think it is in the animal's best interests to be re-homed.

It is a sign of a disgusting attitude to come on a thread and tell the OP they are disgusting and horrible and lots of other names because they are trying to make a difficult decision, which they admit to feeling terrible about, because they are not coping.

Topaz25 · 13/02/2014 15:13

Litter trays and fleas are a PITA but they're part of being a pet owner, just like dealing with nits and nappies is part of being a parent. It sounds like a stressful situation but there are things you can try to improve it for everyone before getting rid of the cats.

It sounds like you have a flea infestation, which means the cats will get reinfested from the furniture. You can buy spray for your house from the vet, also check with them that you are using the best flea treatment for the cats, I've heard good things about Stronghold. Consider hiring an exterminator to eliminate the fleas.

I know it sounds counterproductive but if you only have one litterbox you might actually be better with more, the guideline is 1 for each cat and 1 extra. Some cats don't like sharing and will go somewhere else instead, more litterboxes will reduce accidents. Make sure you are cleaning the litterboxes enough, ideally scoop the poop every day and change the litter every couple of days. I struggle to keep up with this myself but I understand that if I don't and the cat doesn't use the litterbox then it is my responsibility, I wouldn't like to use a toilet that wasn't flushed. Maybe you could set up a rota with your DH for dealing with the litter trays. He got the cat in the first place, he needs to help out.

Feliway might help the second cat's behaviour, it is a plug in that replicates the pheromone that cats leave naturally when they are feeling comfortable in their environment, so it can help calm cats down.

SlightlyDampWellies · 13/02/2014 15:17

Good advice about the number of litterbozes Topaz. We have 1 for two cats and certainly one does not like that. I will get another.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 13/02/2014 15:17

op if you decide to keep one or more cats remeber that children who grow up with pets are less likely to have asthma and respritory problems..so the germs aren't really a bad thing

Cravey · 13/02/2014 15:18

Nope something it wasn't a dig. It was how I feel. You can't control that dear however much you would like to. The op has options. Plenty of them. She just hasn't bothered to look into them.

Cravey · 13/02/2014 15:19

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justanuthermanicmumsday · 13/02/2014 15:20

I find it disgusting that some individuals love animals more than fellow human beings that's disturbing. this woman is struggling have a heart. If she were a complete bitch she would have abandoned the cats outside in a ditch like many ppl do.

Wilberforce2 · 13/02/2014 15:20

I'm going against everyone else here and am going to say get rid. My DH bought me a dog when we were struggling to conceive and I fell in love with her, fast forward 8.5 years and I would love someone to come and take her because she drives me mental. I have a 5 year old now and a baby on the way and I'm dreading doing the crawling thing again with the dog around. My dog is so hairy I remember finding my sons sticky hands covered in nasty dog hair no matter how many times I hoovered. They are animals not humans and will settle somewhere else quite happily, if your DH is in agreement I would find them another home because it won't get any better. My DH will not let the dog go so we are stuck for the next 5 years or so.

IDugUpADiamond · 13/02/2014 15:24

Most of the responses here have made me feel very sad. I have seen more support from Mumsnetters on threads where the OP has said they're finding it hard to love their own children. SadSad

JakeBullet · 13/02/2014 15:25

Has the OP been back since her last post? Sad

She sounds like she is having a shit time and feeling overwhelmed with it all.

Hope you are okay OP.....do what is best for you and your family. It might take a little while to get the second cat re-homed but a rescue WILL take him/her if you can manage until they find space.

I am a total cat lover and have three...two from rescues both of whom are lovely and loved. You won't do anything wrong by finding a loving home for the second cat.

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2014 15:26

Oh dear. the thread has got to the 'handing out grips' stage. Hmm

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 13/02/2014 15:27

You might not be able to control how you feel (which apparently include zero sympathy for someone who is struggling and trying to make a difficult decision) but I assume you have control over what you type?

OP = "I'm really struggling with my cats, I think I might need to rehome them because of x, y and z but I feel like a horrible person for needing to do this"

response = "You should feel like a horrible disgusting person. I think you are a vile human being." That's basically the jist of what you said cravey.

JakeBullet · 13/02/2014 15:32

I have PM'd the OP.....bit worried that she is low already and now reeling from the kicking she is getting on this thread. Not easy coping with a new baby plus cats and litter trays and fleas. She could be feeling really overwhelmed by it all.

HighlanderMam · 13/02/2014 15:40

I don't like you.

You need indorex household flea spray It's good to treat a 3 bedroom house.

Treat your cats with frontline spot on then get them rehomed with someone who will care for them for life.

Don't ever get a pet again.

Cravey · 13/02/2014 15:41

Haha hop along. Atpre you on drugs. That is not what I put. It's what you have assumed in your mind and decided to put yourself. That's plain off love. Don't make up words to put in my mouth. I don't need you to thanks. I will type what I want. As I am allowed my own feelings. Op as I stated has lots of options. But instead of looking onto them seems to be dumping the animal off. Like I said. Do not put words into my mouth. You sound like a loon for one thing. And for another it's very rude.

CaptainGrinch · 13/02/2014 15:41

Intelligence isn't determined by brain size.

That's very evident from some of the responses on this thread...

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 13/02/2014 15:46

Cravey dear you said this: "You do realise that if you get bored of the kid it's gonna be hard to get rid of it don't you ???? Spoiled brat !!!!!"

And then the rest of charming posts got deleted.

You sound like a delightful human being. I hope a million pigeons shit on your head, love.

But then, I'm just a loon who's probably on drugs.

CaptainGrinch · 13/02/2014 15:52

And then the rest of charming posts got deleted

I helped with that!! Wink

Can't abide arseholes....

ShatzePage · 13/02/2014 15:53

Yanbu op-cats are NOT babies depsite what some of the posters on here would have you believeHmm Perfectly normal to love your real baby more and want to get rid of the cats.

Lizzylou · 13/02/2014 15:57

Dear God, this thread is awful and if grips are needed, it's a widespread problem Hmm

Op, try and rehome your second cat, I am almost positive that you will feel better and it will be better for the cat, you have obviously never taken to each other,

Sort out the flea issue.

My pre-dc "baby" was a beautiful white cat, yes, she shed so much I always looked like a yeti, but she was much loved. It was fine when dc1 came along, boundaries were set and dc1 came to love her just as much as we did. When dc2 came along it was so tricky, she always seemed to be on the stairs when I was juggling a newborn and a toddler, it was harder to be as vigilant, in those first few weeks she stopped being my beloved cat and was a bit of a pain.
Then she died when dc2 was 8 weeks old, I was beside myself, felt awful, like I had neglected her.

HaroldLloyd · 13/02/2014 15:57

What the fuck are some of you people ON about seriously.

I have a cat and I wonder sometimes if it would be kinder to remove him, he hates both babies and often sits out in the cold all day refusing to come in.

People circumstances change. Sometimes you take an animal on as the OP has with the second cat and it just dosent bloody work out. As long as the animal is cared for and rehomed in a responsible way isn't that the most important thing?

She is obviously feeling terribly guilty so all these ridiculous comments about rehoming the baby and being a spoiled brat are just bloody ridiculous.